Anyone know how termination is "done?" T is graduating T school in May and that`s it for us. I`ve been worried all along abt letting him go, but when I`ve mentioned it he has just generally spoken abt it, not given me specifics.
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Hi BIM -
It probably varies a lot from therapist to therapist and client to client. If it were me a 'good' termination would mean I'd know it was coming, and there'd be an open conversation about what I'd like to work on before that point arrived. There'd be some talk about the feelings coming up about terminating, as they came up. There'd be discussion of my plans for after termination - was I going to continue therapy with someone else? Who? Close to the time there'd be some recapping of what we'd done together, some intensive work on how to say goodbye - maybe some kind of special parting ritual. And discussion of what, if any, contact was okay after termination.
If I had my druthers, that's how it would be. What about for you?
It probably varies a lot from therapist to therapist and client to client. If it were me a 'good' termination would mean I'd know it was coming, and there'd be an open conversation about what I'd like to work on before that point arrived. There'd be some talk about the feelings coming up about terminating, as they came up. There'd be discussion of my plans for after termination - was I going to continue therapy with someone else? Who? Close to the time there'd be some recapping of what we'd done together, some intensive work on how to say goodbye - maybe some kind of special parting ritual. And discussion of what, if any, contact was okay after termination.
If I had my druthers, that's how it would be. What about for you?
I like the idea about the ritual- I know gifts aren`t "done" but I`m thinking that something symbolic would be what I`d want to give my T. I`m so scared- what kind of rituals are typically done? Anyone care to share?
BIM,
Sorry on the fly, but I'm providing a link to the story of my termination session with my T a few years back (didn't completely take
I took a four month break, followed by a long period where I was averaging 4-8 weeks between appts until I settled back into weekly recently because of the work I am doing). But at the time, I really thought it was goodbye and treated it as such. I wrote a pretty detailed account, so it will at least give you an idea how we handled it. But yours will look different because you're different people. The best thing to do is think about what you want and discuss it with your T.
Completion Party for Attachment Girl
AG
Sorry on the fly, but I'm providing a link to the story of my termination session with my T a few years back (didn't completely take
I took a four month break, followed by a long period where I was averaging 4-8 weeks between appts until I settled back into weekly recently because of the work I am doing). But at the time, I really thought it was goodbye and treated it as such. I wrote a pretty detailed account, so it will at least give you an idea how we handled it. But yours will look different because you're different people. The best thing to do is think about what you want and discuss it with your T. Completion Party for Attachment Girl
AG
thanks, AG- I`m very nervous but I loved your story.
AG's ending is a fairy tale ending and I don't mean to alarm you but not all endings come anywhere near this one. I hope yours will, of course. I'd recommend talking about your feelings about ending now, if they're coming up now and whenever you feel the need to raise it so you and T can prepare together.
I had six months' notice of ending with my first T and we spent several weeks preparing to end. My latest T terminated me by email last week and I'm still coming to terms with the hurt and disappointment from that (that's rare so don't think I'm saying that's what will happen to you). I wish I'd spoken to my exT about how concerned I was about ending but I doubt it would've changed her actions. At least I'd feel that I'd done my absolute best for the relationship.
Anyway, I just wanted to say to raise your feelings with T and not go on about my experience. Hopefully she is already thinking about it and preparing you both for it too.
x
I had six months' notice of ending with my first T and we spent several weeks preparing to end. My latest T terminated me by email last week and I'm still coming to terms with the hurt and disappointment from that (that's rare so don't think I'm saying that's what will happen to you). I wish I'd spoken to my exT about how concerned I was about ending but I doubt it would've changed her actions. At least I'd feel that I'd done my absolute best for the relationship.
Anyway, I just wanted to say to raise your feelings with T and not go on about my experience. Hopefully she is already thinking about it and preparing you both for it too.
x
Thanks, all.
I`ve never "done" termination- always run for the hills when I knew it was over, before it was over so I could be spared the pain of saying goodbye. It scares me that I`m wiling to stick it out and face the end of our time together, but I don`t want to recreate the running away. He`s in T school, so he`ll graduate this May- so the countdown is on.
And I know it`s goodbye forever- who knows where he`ll go for his postdoc internship and I am 100% sure I`ll never see him again. Yikes!
I`ve never "done" termination- always run for the hills when I knew it was over, before it was over so I could be spared the pain of saying goodbye. It scares me that I`m wiling to stick it out and face the end of our time together, but I don`t want to recreate the running away. He`s in T school, so he`ll graduate this May- so the countdown is on.
And I know it`s goodbye forever- who knows where he`ll go for his postdoc internship and I am 100% sure I`ll never see him again. Yikes!
BIM,
My ending was a fairy tale ending (one that I like to believe came after the harrowing quest part of the story) because it was an ending I choose. My T and I also spent a lot of time prior to my ending dealing with and allow me to process the things evoked by planning on leaving. And there were things I did not learn until after I left.
But my first T retired before we were done our work together. I had once disappeared on her without a word earlier in our work and had promised both her and myself I would not do that again. So when she told me she was retiring (after a near death experience with my MIL, my mother being diagnosed with cancer, my best friend dying of a heart attack and my FIL'S death, not exactly good timing), I decided I needed to stick it out. She gave me about four months notice and we did really important healing work talking about the goodbye and everything it meant to me, including feeling abandoned and betrayed as well as being able to celebrate the relationship. I would really encourage you to be as open as you can with your T about how you feel, it's important work. But I'm sorry, I know it can be very difficult and painful to face an ending not of your own choosing.
((Hollow)) thanks so much and I never thought of it, but Ag is silver. I always thought of myself more as Fool's gold.
AG
My ending was a fairy tale ending (one that I like to believe came after the harrowing quest part of the story
) because it was an ending I choose. My T and I also spent a lot of time prior to my ending dealing with and allow me to process the things evoked by planning on leaving. And there were things I did not learn until after I left. But my first T retired before we were done our work together. I had once disappeared on her without a word earlier in our work and had promised both her and myself I would not do that again. So when she told me she was retiring (after a near death experience with my MIL, my mother being diagnosed with cancer, my best friend dying of a heart attack and my FIL'S death, not exactly good timing), I decided I needed to stick it out. She gave me about four months notice and we did really important healing work talking about the goodbye and everything it meant to me, including feeling abandoned and betrayed as well as being able to celebrate the relationship. I would really encourage you to be as open as you can with your T about how you feel, it's important work. But I'm sorry, I know it can be very difficult and painful to face an ending not of your own choosing.
((Hollow)) thanks so much and I never thought of it, but Ag is silver. I always thought of myself more as Fool's gold.
AG