((((FORGETMENOT))))

Can't remember exactly how I confessed my erotic feelings for my T or if he dragged them out of me. But they are out there on the table and it helped in 2 ways: they aren't as threatening anymore. Funny how when you talk about things, they become less importnat. And also, T's point is that it's good that I have those feelings because it shows that I can have them when I feel safe enough.

But, I know how scary it is to talk about it.

xoxo

Liese

Your welcome Hope you are well too

Hey FMN,

I'm afraid I don't have anything very helpful to add here, never having experienced erotic transference with a T, but I wanted to comment to assure you that you are "heard" and to offer support, if that is okay.

I'm sure it must be difficult to understand and cope with those feelings. I'm not even sure I could handle it, which is partly why I selected a T that is not of my gender of choice, sexually speaking. Although I have also heard that it is not uncommon for people to experience erotic transference with a T that is the opposite of what their orientation would usually dictate-- and that that is because all of the "stuff" kicked up in therapy can be so strong, allowing that kind of transference to set in in a way that overrides one's normal preferences. It hasn't happened to me so far, but I imagine that would be very confusing.

Anyway, I *do* have very strong "mommy transference" issues with T and have been for a few months. At first I was terribly embarrassed and didn't think I could ever tell her. I like for my T to see me as having it somewhat together, and telling her I fantasize about watching Disney princess movies with her, playing jacks, or going to the park and feeding the ducks does not fit with the image I like to present, lol.

However, as the weeks have gone by and I've gotten a little more used to these feelings, the idea of processing them with T does not seem so bad. It's like, because I'm more familiar with them now, I can also detach from them a bit, if that makes more sense. Also, reading about other people's experiences with transference on this forum helps a great deal in normalizing what I am feeling. So, I've mentioned transference and attachment to T in passing, and she said it was important to process it, but I've avoided doing so in any depth so far. However, I plan on getting into these issues soon, probably at the next session after our Thanksgiving break. I'm not sure what I will say. Probably I will just ask, "So, how does one process transference?" and take it from there based on what she tells me.

Don't know if this is of any help to you. . . but good luck, and all that! I wish you the best in your healing journey.

HIC

quote:

Is it worth it to tell her that I feel drawn to her sexually? Will it help move things forward more?..

I'm not sure what you should do, but....

I found no reason to tell my T about my erotic thoughts, and I moved forward, and our relationship has gotten stronger. I'm still not sure exactly why I had them, but read somewhere within the forum of this website that it was probably longing for a maternal love, and since I'm an adult, "sexual thoughts" came up in me.

Now and again, I do still have the erotic thoughts, but they come and go very quickly within a session, or at night when I am trying to go to sleep. They were much stronger about 3-5 months into my therapy (now I'm in my 17th month).

Thanks for the advice offered here

Ninn, I think I might do the same and leave it be simply because I have a strong feeling that I see her as a figure that I never had and as you said, I'm an adult so sexual thoughts come into the equation.

I don't have a huge, utter longing for her to be my girlfriend. I simply get wishful thoughts that come and go sometimes and doesn't bother me too much.

I am almost 6 months into my therapy so it's just the beginning. I think I should be okay with leaving it. Though if it becomes crippling in anyway, I think I may tell her.

Hi FMN,

It sounds like, from what you are saying here, that these feelings are transference, and that you have a very maternal transference with your therapist.

I wouldn't call this erotic transference. They seem more like the normal bonding feelings, symbiosis, merger feelings. I have had mostly maternal transference with my T even though he is male and have experienced all of the feelings you describe. it wasn't difficult for me to tell him probably because i had read so much about therapy at that point, this stuff become so 'normalized' to me. I do think talking about these feelings deepened our relationship/bond.

Sexual feelings are also related to being emotionally stimulted by love and attention. One aspect of a childs primitive feelings towards the mother is that she is viewed as exiciting object/disappointing-depriving object. They are very much related to transference. If you experienced alot of neglect as a child, you can be emotionally stimulated easily. It's just before puberty you didn't experience these feelings as sexual. As an adult, we do.

Maybe you'll bring them up when you are ready to bring them up. I hope when you do, you'll be glad you did.

Hi xoxo, I agree with you. I think that I'm experiencing maternal affection but because I didn't have a mother figure in my younger years from 0 onward, perhaps it is a feeling that overwhelms me a bit. It is quite a foreign feeling this.

It saddens me that it feels so unreal almost. I've told my T how the relationship between me and her feels somewhat surreal and so alien.

Because I too have read so much about therapy, I have normalized it to a point where I could tell her. I think in my next session I may just mention that the feelings I get are strong enough to be confusing for me.

xx