It took me over a year to just be hitting the tip of the comfort iceberg, so-to-speak. I still have times where I am certain he hates me and can't wait to get rid of me, but mostly I know that's not true and am able to be honest, although it still takes a lot of time/effort in most sessions.

I'm just starting to feel comfortable after two months, half of which I've been going twice a week. But I seem to have started from a slightly different place than many here, and also I lucked out that my T has been a great fit for me, extremely gentle, consistent, and responsive. She is still kind of trying to refer me elsewhere, but that's another story...

I had a good connection with my T from the first time we met. (She calls this 'synergy')... And while I could easily look back and claim to have had a strong, trusting connection up front and immediately... I'd say it took me a little while.

I'll explain this - When I approached going for the first time, it was because a good friend of mine with a lot of experience in therapy had been talking about her experiences with this T and it got me thinking. When I went initially, I was in an emotionally elevated state and we spent a lot of time talking about surface type problems/solutions etc. It wasn't until our 4th or 5th session (1 session per week normally) that something family related came up and she seemed to have caught herself and commented out loud "Wow, I can't believe I haven't asked you about family stuff yet!"

So I guess, in reality... It probably took me a while to warm up to what it was all about, how to talk to this total stranger about my stuff, and how to actually consider that she might be able to help.

I've been going for 5 months now - With no intent on stopping any time soon.

I agree with what NavyMe has said here. I immediately had the sense that I could connect with T (felt drawn to engage with him), got more comfortable sharing in those initial sessions...but, to get to the point where I could start doing the type of intense work we are doing now (build the safe base) and not show up anxious about the attachment constantly has taken a year.

Still connecting after 7 months.

It's my massive fear of being judged and watched and her seeing my vulnerabilities.

I wish she was more expressive but I also love her neutrality. She's very professional and she's not let me down once. Guess we can't have it all. I would have liked a T who could banter a bit more but in saying that, having my T like she is enables me to face myself a lot more.

I still get nervous to sit across from her and for her to watch me whilst I speak. Guess I'll get there one day.

I've been in therapy six months. As Navyme and Yakusoku described, I felt a strong sense of rapport with T from the beginning, however I have a recurrent fear that she's upset with me, or mad about something I've said or done, or secretly hates me, etc. She's never done anything to make me feel that way. I sometimes suspect I have this fear because I *do* feel so comfortable with her, that I worry about it all being a mirage that will fade away.

I think being comfortable with T and being comfortable talking about all of one's issues are two different things, although certainly intertwined! I've felt comfortable talking with her about most things right from the beginning, but there are a few issues that I've only just begun gingerly to discuss. I think that's more about my feelings about those issues than it is discomfort with T, though.

I liked my T pretty well from the beginning, but that doesn't mean I haven't been really really careful with being vulnerable with him.

I had issues with him after about 8 months. I think it was time to be closer and more vulnerable, but I fought it and became very aggravated with him all the time. I almost quit. Twice. The second time I almost quit I just felt disengaged and disgruntled and bored. That was a couple of months ago.

Now I feel closer to him and I am leaning on him more and really sharing more without having to clear everything through my "thinking" filter first. Now I can experience things with him in therapy in real time and learn in the moment in session now and it's good. It's been a year and a half for me. It took me that long to trust him this much and I'm pretty sure I have more trusting and more vulnerable sharing to go through ahead. I'm not 100% there yet, and that's good because that would be a bit too scary right now.

He has reassured me that he won't get rid of me and that I can keep seeing him for as long as I need to, BUT, he didn't tell me that right away. It wasn't until I could talk about my worries about it ending that he started to tell me that I didn't have to worry. It won't surprise you to hear that having him reassure me just once wasn't enough.

Good question. I was terrified of my T for ages, not because she is in any way scary, but because I had a lot to hide and was so scared that she's start asking questions that would get me to look back and face all the difficult things from my past that I was (not so) happily in denial about. So I was wary of her because she was so good and insightful and listened to me like nobody had ever done before and kept asking pertinent questions that I found harder and harder to deflect. In truth it was some years before I felt totally comfortable, but that was completely down to me and my trust issues and certainly not due her

starfishy

Been with t a year at the end of Jan next year, thought i might like her when i first met her. Still not entirely comfy always with her but we are getting there, as she says trust takes time and we have spent most of this first year just getting to know each other really. I still go through phases of no-one can help me, t is going to kick me to the door kind of thing but we are getting there slowly and it takes real time

I have always been comfortable with my T. Especially right from the start when we dove into EMDR.

I have come to realize I am not comfortable with myself, most of the time, thus the anxiety. Especially since uncovering childhood memories this month.

I felt comfortable with my T from the very first session. I picked up on some things-his honesty, but also that he was the most non-judgmental person I've ever met. Since I'm hypervigilant, I look for cues. And what made me feel comfortable with him, for one, was that he didn't judge the T who terminated me/referred me. And if he judged that T with only hearing my side of the story, would he have judged me-overtly or covertly-when I told him something shameful I've done in the past?

So he was trying to get to the truth of the situation, rather than judge (and it helped that he knew the T for many years though). I have issues, yes, so I notice when someone tells me just what I want to hear, rather than the truth. He also has a natural, calming affect about him. Like you can tell him anything and he wouldn't even blink.

That's not to say I didn't worry about him not being able to work with me due to my issues. I was not comfortable with that until 9 months or so, maybe a year? I have no sense of time. And there are, of course, still things that make me feel tense inside when I try to talk about them.

However, I have that 'suggestibility' trait as well, where I am overly trusting with male authority figures. I've had trusting relationships with police, doctors, people in the helping profession. Plus all my male bosses from jobs I've had. Because I felt safe with them.

But I felt comfortable with my former female Ts too, but no real attachment (didn't know at the time). It's so obvious to me now. There was CBT T who was sometimes shaming and judgmental, but it didn't damage me. I just figured f this and left.

A quick fix? If you find one, please do tell!!
I do think about, sometimes, short term dynamic therapy....but I'm probably not a candidate for that type of therapy..too many issues for that intensity.

Do you think the fact that she is female has anything to do with your uncomfortableness? Have you been with a male T before? Just wondering.

I don't think it's abnormal at all after 14 months, and that even when the comfort or trust grows, until you work through all your core issues, for some, there will be inner tension and doubts. don't forget, it took years to develop your personality, your developed your sense of self as a result of your parents projections, for example, so your outlook is not going to change within 52 or 104 hours, or the time you've spent in the relationship.

Hope you are not being too hard on yourself.

quote:

I can't share my thoughts about her with her, and I don't dare trust her with my heart yet.

Just wanted to add that I was able to share my feelings about him right from the beginning, but that is probably because I read extensively about psychodynamic therapy after being terminated from the previous therapist. I read case studies of therapeutic conversations about such intense feelings, and I realized this was what I needed to do too. I thought-how come no one told me this before??!

I had no idea people actually talked about that stuff in therapy! So it was totally normalized to me, and I saw that was what you were 'supposed to do'. If not for that, it might have seemed really strange for me to talk about my feelings for him; I don't know if/how I would have done this.

I love all the feedback and variety of answers. I still question so much about myself and my T even after a year. Like forgetmenot said, I wish there was more bantering and such, mine too sits across from me and doesn't say much, but she listens and empathizes. I do like her, but I don't have anything to really compare her to. I hear others talk about hugs and emailing and all, and wonder if I would like that. I still look for any sign that she's going to dump me. And at the same time I cow t the days to my next session. What a conundrum!