(((Kashley)))

I can't really answer on how long to stick it out. It may be that if this approach isn't working for you, it's something that can be discussed. I don't really know. My own T has adjusted several times when I just have very negative reactions to certain ways of working. He does CBT with some clients, other approaches with others (though all of it has his spiritual approach woven throughout). Anyway, I don't know if that's an option with this new T.

I do know that every time I've approached anything CBT, I have had the exact same invalidation feelings. Like, it's so hard for me to let my feelings exist and be OK as it is, that it really ramps up my own tendencies to deny. T does challenge my thinking sometimes about things, but in a much gentler way that still acknowledges that the way I think and feel makes sense in a certain context. I've always instinctively invalidated myself constantly in a way that has sounded a lot like what I've read of CBT. But, with my dissociation, it ended up being just another way of avoiding connecting with those feelings so I could process them.

I wonder if you're able to tell this T how you react to those statements. My T does manage to challenge my thinking about things, but the relationship we've built, plus the effort he has put into understanding (and reflecting back, so I know he gets it) where my sense of worthlessness comes from, makes it safe for me to challenge it in little steps. I wish I had better advice, but at the very least, please know I so relate to how you're feeling!

((kashley))

You may want to stick it out just to see if there is a relationship and more familiarity to build there - or, ask her what other styles she incorporates in her work. T1 does CBT with me (rarely, but it falls under the umbrella of "changing thoughts to change actions") meaning, when I'm having a thought that's not exactly completely true... we'll still process in our normal way but she'll also write down an affirmation for me, or something like that to help. Some have, some haven't. I have a couple things in my house like "I bring joy" and "I'm okay" and two beautifully perfect lists from my T I read every morning. Those help, not when I'm ACTIVELY in bad places but just to see around sometimes, I'll smile at them, it's certainly not life altering though.

Now... T2... DBT/CBT trained and... my dear I can completely relate on feeling invalidated. It's like saying something so deep and vulnerable just to have someone say 'Well, let's think of how we can change that' or 'That sounds like it might be a old believe/inaccurate statement/what if that wasn't true, etc'. Sometimes, if I've called her in a crisis her answer to me is literally to "take the judgement out of it", "differentiate from how you feel now, to a time you didn't feel like this and focus on that while you ride through the emotion". It's horrifically invalidating and frustrating and it makes me go nuts.

I really understand your feeling and you said so perfectly what I've felt for a long time w/ that type of therapy (that's all she knew/knows aside from bodywork). To me it feels like, if I had pictures of every horrible situation or memory I have.. it would be akin to grabbing some paints and painting a huge rainbow, or a puppy on it. That works for some people though, I just have a hard time finding the meaning of the trauma, it's place in my life and who I am... with that method.

It's really the relationship that heals but if you are feeling invalidated and can't find a way around it then it is probably a good idea to bail, but make sure to talk to her first. I'd ask her what type of therapy she has been through. I've read 70-80% of T's who "sell CBT" didn't go through CBT themselves... and if not... why not?

welcome back kash

Its a really personal thing, but from my experience I found CBT was so superficial and invalidating. It made me feel worse about myself for thinking that way and not understood at all. I recall disclosing childhood abuse to a CBT T who said "well you just have to get over it". I am quite infuriated that it has become the dominant treatment model in current psychology.

My current T is psychoanalytic and that is the most comprehensive and logical approach to therapy I've come across (having done CBT and DBT) but there is a lot of focus on how I think about something and why and how it relates to different parts of my personality and how they interact with each other. Plus of course there is a lot of focus on particular emotions.

Good luck and let us know what you decide xx

When I first met my therapist, I was exactly in your place. I felt scared, alone, and misunderstood and I knew my therapist was aware of this, even if I was never (at the time) completely open with her about my thoughts and my feelings. She is also an intern and did not have any training (just classes) in the field with extensive child abuse. I have thought about not sticking it out with her, but a part of me had this strong feeling that even though she didn't have the experience with my trauma and what we are doing in therapy, I just had this feeling and connection with her that if I stuck it out with her and continued to try, I knew I will slowly be able to open up to her and she will eventually help me be whereI want to be in my life.

But at the same time, it helped me a lot that I had the feeling she was trying just as hard as I was in therapy. She tried hard to get me to open up to her and to be honest. We used different techniques in therapy and it really did help me feel less alone and scared around her. Slowly, I felt like she really did understand where I was coming from.

I don't think anyone can tell you how long you should stick it out. It really depends on you and how comfortable you feel around her and if you think you are going to be able to work with her. With my therapist and I, I didn't feel comfortable with her until 6 months in the therapy and I wasn't completely honest with her until over a year of working with her and even until now.

It is all about the relationship with the therapist that is going to help you heal with everything. But, I would talk about it with her before you quit, maybe you just aren't ready for CBT yet? My therapist and I started CPT (cognitive processing therapy) when I first saw her, and I just wasn't ready for it yet, so we put it on hold for a year and we just recently started CPT again.

Good luck!

((hugs)) Thank you all!

Non, I've also felt that this approach kind of "helps" me avoid the issues that I need to face, although I'm sure it's way too early for me to really be able to pinpoint that. Maybe she will change her approach.. She did mention in the first session that even though she is a body-based therapist and that she'd ask me to pay attention to sensations in my body as I feel things, that we also don't have to use that approach if I don't want to.

And actually, I think she kind of said something in general about changing how we do the therapy based on what is helpful to me. Somehow I conveniently blocked that out of my mind! I wonder if I'm finding reasons why this T would not work for me.

((Cat)) Big hugs to you and all you've had to go through recently. You are right that it's the relationship that heals. I suppose I will just try to focus on cultivating that rather than focusing too much on her actual approach. New T did mention last session having some affirmations around the house, but nothing that's too outlandish for me right now (like "I'm a super duper awesome person!") but more like the affirmations you mentioned. I'm glad they help you..maybe I will take new T up on her suggestion.

But yes, that invalidation feels awful and just compounds upon the invalidation that I already do to myself. I would be super triggered at some of the stuff T2 said to you. I'm sorry.

I think the reason I haven't bailed already is because she asked me, in the first session, to please let her know if I'm having thoughts of quitting so we can talk about it. She's already on the look out for me to just quit with very little warning because of how abruptly I quit with old T. And because I promised I'd talk to her about it (and I don't want to break that promise), and because I DON'T want to talk about it, I'm kind of keeping myself stuck there, which I suppose is okay for now.

GE - I can't believe that CBT told you that after you disclosed your abuse. That's horrible. My old T was not psychoanalytic, but the way she approached therapy was pretty similar in that she'd encourage me to focus on how I think/feel and how that relates to different parts. And what those other parts think and feel. I think it is also possible that since this T does not know the full extent of everything, that she doesn't quite have a grasp as to how embedded some of these things are with me.

Hi Aveeno - I don't believe I've seen you post on here before, so welcome! Thanks for sharing your experience with your therapist. I do kind of have a similar feeling regarding this therapist in that I do have a slight sense that this could work and be beneficial to me if I can just stick with it. That feeling is probably why I've continued and still plan to continue at least for the time being. I'm too scared to directly ask this T to use another approach, but I am hoping that we can sort of fall into a groove where we both know what kind of technique works best for me.

With my old T, I was also similar to you in that I wasn't completely honest with her until about 1 1/2 of working with her. That being said, I quit a little over a month ago after 3 years of work, and there were still things that I had not told her.

It is entirely possible I'm not ready for CBT. Or, I just don't want to face what CBT is asking me to face...I don't know yet.

Thanks again to you all for the responses. It's been years since I've had to navigate a new relationship with a T, and this is only the 3rd time I've had to do that, so I essentially feel like I'm in new territory.

I've been around here for awhile,but I just never posted anything or registered. But then I saw your post and it was so similar to what I went through with my therapist, because of your post, I really wanted to respond back


Good Luck