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10 replies

How often to see T?

jillannjillannMember
I am curious what you all think are the right reasons to determine how often to see your T. When I first started seeing T I was in horrible shape. I was crying for hours every day, not sleeping and binge/purging everyday. I was in a crisis state. I asked to see her sooner than a week and sort of settled into twice a week.

I am now on AD meds, some of the crisis has settled out and is not so intense, and the meds are helping with the ED urges. T keeps making mention that I see her twice a week. Not saying its bad or anything but just brining it up. Last week she was showing me how I was focusing on the bad things and not seeing the good like a husband that doesn't seem to question my going to T twice a week.

I like seeing her twice a week. I feel like it helps me feel connected to her and feel like I'm making progress. I'm afraid if I drop back to once a week I won't feel as invested? It is expensive and would help our budget if I would cut back to once a week. I get the feeling from T that it is unusual for someone to see her twice a week. I may be her only client that does. I can't tell if she views that as a problem or not. I know once she said something about not letting clients get too dependent on her and pushing them to reach out for some of their needs to be met in their real lives. I know that when I see her Friday afternoons, by Sunday evening I'm telling myself its ok you only have to wait till Tuesday. Then again after our Tuesday appt, by Thursday night I'm glad that I'm going to see her again on Friday. And she is my only outlet. I have no friends that I can talk with about this stuff and I don't share any of it with Husband.

What should guide how often to see T? Just curious what you all think.

Jillann
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S shamanMember
Hello Jillann,

From what I gather most people see their T once a week. But twice seems to happen too, and fortnightly or even on a more irregular basis, when the client feels the need. If you feel like your twice a week sessions seem like a problem to your T, the best thing to do is bring it up in session. And tell her what you’ve been writing here. Our feelings towards our T’s, our dependence on this peculiar relationship is a hot topic on these boards and I would suggest you read some stuff about this that has been written in older posts (http://psychcafe.ca/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/2391009181/m/452002829001
is one that comes to mind). I go once a week and for a long time, the seven days between sessions where really hard to live through. For financial reasons I may have to cut down to fortnightly and I’m really dreading that 
No time to elaborate further right now… but I, and I’m sure just about everybody here, really understand what you’re talking about.

Big hug
catalystcatalystMember
I think basing it on how you're dealing outside, how the relationship or transference is, your own personal stuff (time, money, need a break, etc), meeting or having met goals, your wants, your feelings about your needs and your Ts thoughts are all good guides to follow.

I see my Ts right now quite a bit. The stability I have right now is good, the relationship sustains a high level of trust and intimacy that I can finally process and share reliably and more deeply. There is a lot of shame but a lot of productivity, too.
heldincompassionheldincompassionMember
quote:
What should guide how often to see T? Just curious what you all think.


Ah, there are so many variable that tie into this, kind of like catalyst said. I've recently made the decision to try scaling back on frequency again, and so many things go into that, it's hard to parse out which was the main guide. Part of it is certainly that my anxiety is not as bad as it was, so I don't feel as strong a need for therapy as regulation and containment. Those elements are still there, but there has been a shift in emphasis towards more personal growth and positive connection-- things I don't feel as strong a need for on a weekly basis, at least not right now.

The intensity of the material one is working through would make a significant difference too, I think. I scheduled twice weekly sessions several times when the subject matter was particularly challenging. T's always been very flexible about letting me set the pace. Once I even had five sessions in one week (over three days, so two of the sessions were back to back). That was a unique thing, however, at a time when it amazingly worked with both our schedules and I felt like the only alternative was the hospital (didn't want to go).

Hmm, I'm rambling now. Where was I? Quality of life. Improving quality of life is after all the overreaching purpose of therapy. If you have the freedom of choosing how often you go, I suppose it's a matter of getting that balance right. You won't always want to see T twice a week, I think, but if that's what works best for you now and she doesn't mind, I would always say go with your gut. Smiler
pathwewalkpathwewalkMember
Hi, Jillann.

My T would prefer to see me 2x/week, and sometimes more, but 6 months ago, I had to cut back to 1x/week due to my finances. It hasn't gone well at all. I can't go a week without contact, and that often throws me into crisis and then, I have to ask for an extra session. If I get to a point where I see him 2x/week regularly, I can be more stable.

I agree with other recommendations to talk to your T about it, especially if you feel like your T's reacting to it. It sounds like there is definitely something going on there.
True NorthTrue NorthCo-moderator
Hi Jillann... I see my T twice a week (Monday and Thursday). In the beginning I was such a mess because of the trauma caused by oldT's abandonment that all we did was containment and stabilization. I have been seeing him twice a week for 3 years (our anniversary is tomorrow Smiler) and it has been working out well. It seems that on Monday we do some heavier work and then containment on Thursday. And I do still email or call him in between. Not every week but weeks where I cannot regulate my emotions. I think my T has other clients that come twice a week as well, maybe one or two others.

I have a lot more work to do with processing old trauma and abuse so I do not see myself cutting back to once per week for some time to come. My T encourages me to be dependent right now because that is a developmental step that was missed in my childhood. I never had anyone to depend ON. He trusts the process and knows that when the time is right I will begin to take those steps of interdependence on my own. Like a child who, when the time is right, will begin to individuate and move away from their parents. So as long as he does not seem concerned about 2x per week I plan to stick with this schedule.

Best
TN
catalystcatalystMember
This made me think of something... I remember once talking to my T if I saw her too much, a couple months ago, she said 'I'd see you 5 times a week if we could" (obviously, a non-realistic thing here because my T doesn't regularly work 5 days a week, it's more like 3-4). More so said in comfort than literally, I am imagine... but I'm often very confused where the line is between what I think I need, and what is useful. I've found my current frequency quite useful, and it keeps the relationship going which degrades significantly without contact (it's getting better, and I feel bad that my trust can be lost in a couple days but I'm aware at least)... and my T has said she finds it useful. Anyhow... I'm anxious this evening about if I even need or have too much therapy or am making progress or will ever get better, etc, etc... so to aid in my panic attack I just wanted to say... it's so hard for me to tell what is the right amount. I dare not change anything because I have absolutely no tollerance for that right meow.
yakusokuyakusokuMember
quote:
it's so hard for me to tell what is the right amount. I dare not change anything because I have absolutely no tollerance for that




I started at once a week and couldn't tolerate. I did once, plus one phone/Skype for a while. Then one year in, T invited me to drive to his other office, if that was doable and I had twice, sometimes three during seasons of crisis. We're back to almost always just two, but all my sessions are also long, and I have contact in between...however excepting the crisis of the last couple of weeks, that has been a lot less this year, because I talk more in session. I am constantly ashamed of how much I get from T. I am accustomed to adjusting my needs to the resources and dissociating the excess, so what we're doing, him giving and me receiving so much feels very wrong. He once told me, a long time ago, he gives it because he sees it is needed and useful and God enables him to do so...that he would do the same with anyone else in this scenario. I know that's true, because he'll run over with H and other clients when he feels that's needed. Still, I get really down on myself that it's more (most ever?) with me than anyone, those needs.

That said, even though my T is fine with the dependency (also as a missed developmental step), I don't know if it's right or not. I just know I could not tolerate once a week...sometimes twice is still hard as close friends here will attest to. So it feels like I can keep on as is for a while, or else quit entirely and try to purge all these ideas T has planted in my head about being safe and valued. Sigh...sorry for such a negative post.
catalystcatalystMember
Yaku - Your post wasn't negative, it helped. I'm not sure if I could do once a week or not because... I've actually never (Excepting a 2 month period when I started) had therapy less than 2x a week - it's usually 3 between my two T's and has been four-ish the past 3 months or so, and 5 the last two weeks... but my sessions are just normal length. I'm not sure if it's dependency or consistency, or both. When we're doing hard work it's extremely hard for me to keep the relationship. It gets hard even minimally between sessions to keep in the frame so that I'm useful next session. Bleh. I'd assume it's my attachment stuff because i feel sometimes like my Ts are constantly saying "BTW if you haven't noticed, I'm here... still here... I was useful... see how well this works with someone?". I think T1 explains to me every other session why talking to someone is remotely useful. I do it still on purpose right now - like check in with my T on purpose to try to eventually figure it out. Fake it til I make it!!

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