Hey Everyone,
I need some advice. I have an appointment with T this coming week...I have had a better than usual almost two weeks since last appt. but my head is doubting something because I think I disassociated the session before last.
I was discussing that maybe I should see an analyst instead because I felt stuck...I can sometimes be very honest with T and I was really feeling that might be the route I should go that was what I felt and I was really considering it. The best I can figure because after I said what I said I either just didn't hear her response because I tuned out because that is what I thought and that was it or else I disassociated what she said. We were discussing meds that are prescribed by my regular doctor and the conversation I had with my regular doctor about me switching from lexapro to welbutrin because of the SAD from winter stuff. I can't remember is her response was someting like "what about receiving counseling from your regular doctor?"...I know it wasn't those words but I think she may have implied that and I can't tell you guys what she may have said about me seeing an analyst but I think she was disuading me against it.
The next week I went in to see my T and she answered my question to her of "was there anything she ever wanted to ask me...I tend to do so much of the talking" basically probably because I just can't figure out how to say things...I use lots of stories and go around the block instead of crossing the street so to speak but the two themes she hit on for me is I need to get "self-acceptance" and she mentioned one of goals I had mentioned was trying to do this without medicine.
After a few days after that appt. of processing a few things from the past on my own I then felt this sense of relief and the worry, depression and anxiety eased up...hence my posts about feeling weird...haven't felt this way in years and not sure how to take it.
Now with appt. coming up this week I wonder if I should ask if she meant to suggest that I should see my regular doctor for counseling? I know my mind loves to make up things. If she doesn't want to work with me I don't know what I would do...I just feel like it would bring up all of those rejection feelings from the past and it feels scary because it feels like I would just fall apart...I know how many of you can relate to this?
Should I try to clarify if she was suggesting that I should see my regular doctor for counseling (I don't think it works that way though) because if I get any sense of rejection I may fall apart and I would walk out and be devastated. So weird though because after she said self-acceptance and doing this without meds I feel like I can...or just use xanax. I don't know myself and where my mind is at and how her saying those things and then my processing has got me feeling so much better. I'm just really anxious to bring it up.
Please anyone give your opinions and thoughts.

Hopeful