((((DAISY))))

Just sending hugs. I'd be hurt too. Not sure how I would handle it.

Daisy I'd be a mess if that happened to me. Being rejected that way hurts in a very deep and raw place. And it highlights how lonely life can be sometimes.
Have your tears an comfort yourself knowing you have every right to be upset and hurt. If you don't think you could talk to your friend, maybe write down what's happening to help yourself Make sense of it.

Hugs xx

Hey Daisy
I would have coped in the exact same way as you did.
Somedays

(((Daisy))) -
So many people would have been just as hurt and upset. I know I would have.
As IrishGirl said, it could be just as simple as being pressured into going to lunch with her co-workers. Or she could have been doing a "working-lunch" where they had to discuss some work agenda over lunch. I have those all the time.
Regardless, you have a right to feel upset about it. Anyone would, not just you. And I understand not wanting to confront her. I am the same way. It's tough.
You are not alone. Hang in there Daisy.

Thank you for all your replies, I cried when I read them, gave me reassurance that maybe I'm not being completly ridiculous feeling like this.

I get where you're all coming from about there being a good explanation for what happened and it wasn't like she was setting out to hurt me or anything like that, but no matter how much I can think logically about the situation it still really hurts (this is probably why CBT never worked for me, just think about it logically and it won't hurt and you won't feel depressed -yeah right!)

Greeneyes, I'm like you feeling like I'm being rejected hurts in a very deep place. Fear of rejection and feeling like I don't matter are my biggest issues.

Blanket girl - yes this is a long standing relationship - we have been friends for 13 years, so yes giving her the benefit of the doubt is right but at the same time I'm so afraid of losing her friendship completly that I can never tell her when she upsets me.

Thank you to everyone who took the time to reply, it really does make me feel less alone.

((((DAISY))))

I had a best friend about 15 years ago. I really liked her a lot. (Do I sound like I'm 5 instead of almost 50?) At some point I found out that she had developed a really deep relationship with another woman but had hidden it from me. I was mortified when I found out about the depth of their friendship. It was clear the friendship had been developing for some time by the time I found out about it. I felt like she hid it from me because she thought I would be hurt by her other friendship and I was some kind of charity friend.

So I pulled away from her. She seemed upset but then she wound up getting diagnosed with cancer and died 7 months later so we never resolved anything one way or another. I was a good friend during her illness, visiting and calling.

I vowed then that I would never let myself get close to anyone again. Of course, this is what I work on in therapy. Now, I vow that if I am going to have friends, I'm not going to be as dependent on one friend, that I'm going to encourage myself to develop other friendships and hope my other friends do as well.

But the thing that hurt me and may have hurt you is the lying. If it truly was no big deal, then why did my friend hide the other friendship from me? Or why couldn't your friend just say, I'm sorry, I can't have lunch with you today because I'm meeting with some other friends. The lying makes it feel like it is personal.

I'm not saying that it WAS personal. A lot of people have trouble being honest (myself included) and don't want to hurt other people's feelings even if their honesty wouldn't have hurt the other persons feelings in reality. A lot of that stuff is their own projection.

Maybe you could tell her that you saw her and that it feels like she didn't tell you because she didn't want to hurt your feelings. What about telling her that it's okay with you if she has other friends and you would rather that she be honest with you?

Just a thought. It might open up the conversation between the two of you and make you closer.