Hey Samy,

Good to see you back!

I think any love that comes from a real place inside of someone is good. You're lucky to have her.

catgirl

First of all Samy, thank you for sharing this with us. I'm so glad you're growing!

quote:

trouble is, i not so good at loving cuz mostly im' a sassy brat and evil.

You know what I think (and feel free to disagree)? I think that there is no such thing as being good or bad at loving. You might have a hard time letting yourself love or showing your love, but your therapist knows you love her back. And even if loving is hard, it doesn't mean you're bad at it or that you don't deserve it.

quote:

her said it's good and ok to love and open my heart.

I agree with her! It's hard and scary but it is a good thing. And the nice thing about learning to open your heart more is that you get to choose when to open it and how far to open it! You have more of a door rather than a wall!

quote:

and it not did sound a lie.

I have no doubt that your therapist was telling you the truth and I'm glad she sounded the same when she repeated it to you. I'm glad she loves you because you deserve to be loved.

quote:

but my therapist say she loves me.

You know, it's funny you brought this subject up Samy. Two sessions ago, my t and i were talking about me needing a lot of reassurance from her and how I sometimes feel like the safety and acceptance I feel with her is going to expire... how I need to check in with her to make sure she still cares about me. Well, I got to a really vulnerable place when talking to her and was saying some things that I knew didn't make sense (logically) but they were things that I innately felt and feared. It was nearing the end of my session and I knew I only had time for one more question... and then something inside of me clicked and I heard myself say to my t "do you love me?" I couldn't believe I actually asked her because I was sure she'd give me some canned answer about how she can't and blah blah blah... but all she said was "yeah, I do." i just sat there for a minute and was stunned.

Well, I say all this to you because I think I grew from this like you did with your therapist. I learned a lot and am still learning a lot from this experience... it just took my relationship with her to a whole different level. She touched me in a place that not a lot of people go near and it was real... I had that same WOW reaction you described!

I'm so glad you have your therapist and I'm so glad she loves you in a healthy, appropriate way. Maybe your relationship with her is how you will learn to accept and share love... it's really important to have someone teach us that, you know.

-CT

quote:

Originally posted by Chronically Transferred:
Fi

quote:

It was nearing the end of my session and I knew I only had time for one more question... and then something inside of me clicked and I heard myself say to my t "do you love me?" I couldn't believe I actually asked her because I was sure she'd give me some canned answer about how she can't and blah blah blah... but all she said was "yeah, I do." i just sat there for a minute and was stunned.

Hi CT and Samy. CT, what a wonderful experience! i am so happy for you. What a great thing to hear from your T

Samy, it seems that your T is being so very genuine. It is great that you can use that experience to grow. It sounds like your T is definitely there for you to help you work on loving and being loved.
good luck.

Wel

-CT

I think its wonderful that she is willing to love you and be loved in return. (And not be shy about it) I have also had this experience with my T, and had a similar experience.

I remember the first time my T told me that he loves me. I was preparing to terminate because I didn't feel like he and I were really getting anywhere together. Then he says "don't leave me, I love you." This was the key point in turning me and our work together around and headed in the right direction.

You might find this warming, something that same T wrote me: "Love is crucial; love is the principal vehicle that helps us grow and heal. Without it, we may still grow, but with it, we can grow rapidly. Don't be afraid or shy about love."

thanks for all the replies. yeah, it's hard to love. it's hard to be so open cuz for me anyhow cuz i never know if someone going to turn their backs on me suddenly. i got too many experiences with two-faced jerks huh. i guess love is the key. good love. my T holds me hand also. i didn't used to let her but now i does. weird. first i met her i would sit by the door in case i had to run out it and told her to sit in her chair. but slowly now she can sit with me, she always asks first.

nice to see new people. and those who don't know me, well, i'm an insider of a DID system.

samy

Samy,
I have to agree with everyone, I think its wonderful you're T told you that. You deserve someone to show you what love really looks like and how someone who loves you really behaves. And there's a strange thing about love. It's the only irresistible force in the universe. You can defend yourself against everything else but not love. You don't need to when its the real thing. Which can be a tough lesson to learn; I know it was really hard for me to trust my T and allow him to get closer but that growing trust is an incredible feeling. I'm so glad that you have a wonderful T who understands your need to learn to trust her love and the patience to do what you need so you can learn it. It's really good to hear from you to. Tell Scott/Antoni/Robin/Mary and everyone hi! I've missed all of you!

AG