((((RAVEN)))))

Sorry you have such a long break, especially right after you were actually able to open up for the first time right before it.

Keep posting about it. It helps.

HUGS,

Liese

Hi Raven, sorry you are struggling with your T's absence right now when things were feeling so intense. I think those of us with trauma histories tend to go from intense emotions to being numb. Sometimes, like you, I feel like I don't even want to see my T again. But I realize that is just a defensive reaction to him either being gone or just not here with me at the moment. I think it would be okay if you sort of shut down the trauma you were discussing just before she left. It's okay to seal it in strong Tupperware until she gets back to help you process it.

Until then, it may be helpful to hold onto any good memories you have with her. Do you have a transitional object? Do you have any emails or texts? Sometimes I re-read my old emails from T when I'm missing him a lot or losing the connection/attachment. Do you know where she is? When my T is away he tells me where he is going and I check the weather and for some reason that helps the connection. I also call his voicemail and don't leave a message. It helps me to hear his deep, soothing voice.

Then I come here and talk to others and maybe I will even journal each day how I'm feeling. Just to put it somewhere to keep until T gets back and then I could read it to him or just tell him how it went while he was gone.

Hope that helps a bit.
Hugs
TN

quote:

I think those of us with trauma histories tend to go from intense emotions to being numb. Sometimes, like you, I feel like I don't even want to see my T again

That's how I feel today - I don't want to see her again. I'm finding all the reasons why she's not doing a good job or why I should be mad at her. I went to pdoc the other day and he said age had sent him a note stating I was quitting my meds. I did tell her I had cut down and wanted to quit, but assured her I would talk to him first. I was mad that she contacted him behind my back and that she didn't trust me to talk to him. Now, the logical, adult me knows I'm being ridiculous, yet it doesn't make my madness go away. Maybe I'm just mad because she's gone and I can't even talk to her about this or anything else. I don't have emails or texts or anything from her - she doesn't allow that. She doesn't even have a webpage or a single picture anywhere on the web with her info. listings. I only have two weeks left to wait now. The first week went fairly quickly so hopefully these next two will.