I came up with an idea. How would I deal with me? I am a bit of a challenge. I feel for this poor man (T) and tried to put myself in his position. He thought it was an excellent idea to see what I come up with(maybe it would help him). I imagined to be a female therapist with a male client about 15 years younger than me. Actually, visualizing the whole scenario. I told T I would be afraid of me as a client in the sense of knowing how wounded this guy/client is and having to be super-careful of how I would handle him....one wrong move and he's gone for good. The severe lack of trust he carries everywhere in his life has created a very small world and this client has so much potential and substance; but has spent his life hiding. I found myself as the pretend therapist, stumped and nervous, but also intensely caring towards this client, knowing this person really needs help to have a better life. I began to see my real T in a clearer light...mabye, just maybe....he really feels heartfelt care for me. WOW, because me pretending to be the therapist saw how it really might be for my T when he is working with me. He is so amazing and it is so very hard for me to beleive someone really cares. When I lay it all out, this man has gone above and beyond for me and I push away because I want him, for real, in my everyday life and that will never happen. That pain of reality is the hardest part for me and creates such emotional pain. Harm? Sometimes it does feel harmful because it takes a toll on me. Hope this wasn't too strange to post.