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How would you feel...

sdsdMember
My DD works in a cafe/restaurant at a tourist place (an offshore island) . My T is on holiday and her accommodation is VERY close to where my daughter lives and works. Like a 2 minute walk.

My T knows my daughter works at the restaurant. My T takes her family and eats at the cafe/restaurant and my daughter is working. My daughter waits on her table for the evening. My daughter knows it is my T (she has met her before and T has gone into the cafe a few times over her holiday...).

My T then texts me afterwards to tell me about it.

I feel really angry by this. How come my T gets to spend time with my daughter and I don't and I don't get to be there when my T is there? my DD gets to see my T's family and I don't.

This is all a difficult and shitty situation that I really didn't need to have done to me.

Would anyone else be annoyed at this? Is it a bit insensitive of T to do this?

I am in a bad mood already today so I am probably not thinking straight.

Somedays.
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jillannjillannMember
I don't know Somedays. How old is DD?

I don't mean to hurt you further but I would see this as a very nice thing that T has done. I always worry about my kids and how they are doing if I'm not around. Talking to them on the phone is OK but my son would never really tell me if things weren't going well for him. I think I would see T seeing DD and then texting you about it in a positive light. She gave you a glimpse into how DD is doing from an independent viewpoint.

I do understand being jealous of T getting to go on such a lovely vacation and missing your time with her. And being envious that she had time with your DD that you don't get to have. I understand it being a difficult situation.

Do be gentle with yourself.

Jillann
S shamanMember
Hi SD,

I get it you know, I felt a deep pang of jealousy that lasted for days when my T 'sympathized' with my wife during our first (and probably last) couples session. So yeah, it's plain jealousy but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. I don't think your T is being insensitive, she's just living her life the way she chooses to. Not being a part of that, is painful I get that.
There is nothing 'wrong' with these feelings and you have a right to have them. My only advice is to bring them to her and work with them, difficult as that may be. But from what I've been reading, she's a good T, so you shouldn't worry.
True NorthTrue NorthCo-moderator
Hi SD... I think I would be jealous that DD had some time with T when I was home and missing sessions and missing her. I may also feel some fear about what kind of interaction they would have had without me being there.

I can see the point that T may have thought she was doing something good. She may not have thought it would cause you pain because your families have run into each other previously. Now if I had told her NOT to go to see DD and she did it anyway, then it would really be cause for concern.

I think your feelings are valid and I can understand the reason for them. T is your attachment figure and keeping her closer to you than anyone else feels like life and death. It's definitely something to discuss when she gets back.

I'm sorry this happened. You are doing very well in spite of it. I can see your growth.

Hugs
TN
armoredheartarmoredheartMember
((SD))

I can relate in a somewhat similar way to feeling jealousy of my T's family. Especially as he was such an attachment figure in place of my father, when T talked about his own daughter it always sent a pang of distress straight through me. I felt it was an illogical reaction, but it was how I felt. It's tough, I'm sorry you were so hurt by her actions Frowner

It stands out to me that the thing that matters most is, you feel hurt. I think in working with T's, our reactions don't need an explanation as much as they need validation. So if you can manage to share these feelings with T, it might be a very insightful and healing experience for you.

AH
sdsdMember
Thanks everyone for your help. It is all over, T is back, the time has past, I can't even remember the distress I had about it - such is my emotion compartments and lack of feeling - switched it all off but at least I realised at the time that the issue bothered me a lot. My T didn't ask about it .

Thanks again

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