PF - my T hugged all her other clients except me and one other person for a year or two! Her reason was just that I was terrified and even though she'd want to sometimes, it just wasn't safe for me. I hope you can find courage to ask your T. It was interesting what I learned about myself as far as what I think I show about me versus what is actually seen (ie: I assumed no one could see my fear).

It never occured to me to hug my therapist. Touching is uncomfortable for me. Then one day out of nowhere, I began to shake intensely for about 20 minutes. I could not control it or stop it. I was so scared and helpless. It was really powerful and overtook me. I felt like he was sitting in his chair, just "staring" at me. Now I realize he was very concerned and needed to make sure I was physcially okay. After I left I sat in my car for a long time and it dawned on me that this fellow human being just let me shake away. Why did he not move closer or reach out to comfort or calm me. Surely, any human would reach out to someone is such distress. I thought his restraint was so callous and spoke to him about this because it hurt me emotionally; as though he thought I would just get over it and stop shaking. I needed him at that moment and I am not worth comforting? He explained that he wanted to take my hand and really thought, because of my background, I would have flipped out more. He said he did move from his chair to the ottoman to be closer to me and leaned in towards me (I don't remember that at all). He did say it was very painful for him to observe that episode. I felt so rejected and he phoned me and we discussed this at length that it was not a rejection. He was protecting me since I may have begun to experience him differently if we had physical contact and he had to use great caution with me...boundaries. I understood, eventually. Now, I give him invisible hugs and tell him so. The other day I said something and he popped up in his chair and said "I just gave YOU a hug!!". Something I said made him really happy from a professional angle and his invisible hug was awesome. The emotional exchange between us was so satisfying for us both that it felt just as good as the real thing. He "hugged" me again as he walked me out. Days later I found a heart-shaped stone with the word "HUGS" on it. Gave it to him, he laughed out loud and safely, happily displays it on his bookcase. That works for us. Being able to be honest with him about this is huge for me and so freeing. Working through it was a turning point for us too. Some of the worst or hardest sessions turn out to be the best.

Catalyst - thank you for your words. I hope I can find the courage some day to ask my T about it, too. I think that hardest part for me is he told me he would say no if I asked, so I feel like I'm being desperate if I ask him why. I really want to know why, but the thought of his rejection is scary. I've recently been wanting to ask for a hug and it's painful.

Veryhopeful - thanks for sharing your story. It's always nice to read how people can work hard sessions out with their T, especially sensitive topics like touch and hugs. Glad you were able to come to a satisfying resolution.


PF