Hi Quilter
I am SO sorry that you are self harming Sometimes when we go into therapy all those feelings anxieties and crap that we've been shoving down for so long rise to the surface big time and finding ways to deal with it all outside of a session is why we've gone to therapy - to learn how Seriously though, do think about employing some of Deepfried's suggestions, they are totally spot on and ice particularly is a really effective grounder - it does hurt
Do please try to be more gentle with yourself and maybe think of writing everything down for your T during the break so you can give him/her a true picture of how you're feeling and the depth of your feelings at your next session i I do this and it's very helpful to us both.
And don't forget to post here where you're also safe and understood.
Hugs
Morgs

Quilter ~ oh, my heart goes out to you so much. first of all, I want to say that you did the right thing and I am proud of you that you said anything about it at all. I know that is really hard to believe right now. I have been there. After I told my T about my self injury habits, I was a mess... I didn't feel ready either at the time, and I pretty much bolted out the door and my wait until my next appointment was so hard. But I am glad I told her - and in the end, over time, it was the best thing.

I felt humiliated telling my T too. I too have self injured to relieve anxiety or other overwhelming feelings. I don't know if it helps to know, but a lot of people have this problem, and your T has likely heard of it before - in fact a recent study showed that 1 in 5 college grad students have a history of struggling with self injury. You have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. Self injury is a coping skill, albeit not a good one, but it is a coping skill. It is something you have learned to do to cope with really tough feelings and stuff. You will learn better ones - and over time, you will heal. Most people have bad coping skills of all different kinds - and most people can't admit it. But you had the strength and self wareness to realize this particular not good coping skill that you have (and me too) is not what you want and to speak and seek help. You did a very good thing!

Please know, you are not alone in this battle.
It's not the worst thing that you lied about some of the details - in time, you can explain it better and more honestly, as you become more comfortable talking about it.

I'm so sorry you are feeling so jumbled up right now. There is a lot of hope and help out there - please hang in there. It's so hard right now, but it will get easier. Is it possible to communicate with your T at all during the time until your next appointment?
There are lots of things that help me handle the urges to self injure. For me, sometimes a strong sensation helps - like eating sour candy or smelling a strong smelling candle. I have to be careful about it to - or else I can take it too far as well. Distraction helps me too. It's really varied what helps different people. Are there things you have tried that have helped or not helped?

please do feel free to share any thoughts or feelings you are having - or anything at all. know we are here for you.

~jane

Hi Quilter -
I haven't found the courage to participate much in the forum, but felt I should drop a line on your thread. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in your situation. I too found myself returning to self injury when the repressed feelings and emotions I had been stuffing down began to surface causing immense anxiety. It caused/still causes me a great deal of shame, but I am able to discuss it with my T to some degree. Now that we have it out on the table, it actually feels less scary and more manageable (most of the time). We have looked at what triggers this behavior for me and T has been much gentler while still pushing me as the same time. It is a delicate balance, but I think we are on the right track. Hopefully you will be able to return to the topic w your T when you next meet and search out some better ways to deal with your anxiety as Deepfried suggested. In the meantime, take care and be kind to yourself. Best, FD

Wow! I just read all the amazing responses and I feel so supported right now! Thank you everyone who took the time to write such genuine, sympathetic and helpful replies!
I guess I didn't understand when I entered therapy that all the anxiety that was buried deep below would come to the surface and feel so crappy. Is this really what happens? I obviously wasn't feeling that good when I entered therapy, either, but I feel at least 100 times worse now. When will I feel better? How long does it take?
Thanks for all the suggestions on other things to do when I feel like self-harming. I guess I am just not at the stage yet when I feel like I am doing something wrong. I'm not hurting myself to the point of bleeding... how is scratching myself different from using an ice cube? It is not leaving a mark for more than a few minutes. Please explain because I know I must have a misconception and on some level I know I shouldn't be doing it, but I haven't reached full understanding yet.
Jane- you asked if it was possible to communicate with my T. before the next session. I really have no idea. I feel like if I could talk to her in the next couple of days, it would help a lot to get through the Thanksgiving week until my next appointment. However, I know she is on vacation this whole week and she never mentioned anything about me being able to call the whole time I've been seeing her. Maybe she just doesn't do this kind of contact? Have your T's given you specific permission to contact them outside of sessions or have you just started and seen what the reaction was? I won't even see her until mid-way through the week after Thanksgiving.
Thanks again so much for your support so far! You guys are awesome!

Great explanation of a very painful scenario Deepfried you take care too

Quilter I can't add to what DF has said so well other than encourage you to try the ice cube or similar outlets when the urge is strong.

Please try to be gentle with yourself and post her for support when in need
Morgs

Quilter

Just checking in that you are ok ((quilter))

starfish

Starfish,
Thanks so much for checking in on me. That felt so good to check the message boards this morning and to see this post!! I am feeling a tiny bit better this week.... trying really hard to use all of my coping strategies to reduce my anxiety, which in turn reduces my want to self- harm. The biggest thing that helps with me so far is getting intense cardio exercise, even if it is only 20 minutes a day. It's just a matter of turning the nervous energy into energy that can propel me out the door to the gym!
Plus I am already getting nervous about next session and having to talk about this more in depth (since I only mentioned it right before the hour was over).

Quilter
I am really glad you are feeling better - even a tiny bit is good news Congratulations on finding alternative means of reducing your anxiety, exercise is always good for that....I'm not doing the cardio exercise as am really not as fit as I should be, but do walk lots and swim, especially so when things are hard. The walking especially really helps.

I can see how nearer to your session you will feel more nervous, those subjects raised in the last few minutes are never easy as they sort of keep us dangling don't they? There's no time to gauge T's recation either is there?

I hope though that as you and T have had time to think about what you'd raised, it might make it a bit easier for you,

starfish

Hi, Quilter...you are inspiring me to continue with my T's advice to excercise each day. I used to do a really pounding cardio when I felt that way and it helped a bit with the feelings. I'm inspired by your courage to do something good. I just wanted to say that!

Take care,

BB

PS- Flamingo-Domingo! Nice to see your post! Welcome back!