((((((RT)))))) sending big hugs xxx

(((RT)))
Thinking of you and sending lots of hugs!

Red Tomato...I cannot tell you how glad I am you have posted when you're hurting so much. I really and truly mean that, RT.

Because I don't want to risk triggering you even further, I'm only going to say you have no idea how much I wish I could reach through this impersonal cyber land and give you a comforting hug. I hate to think you're suffering so much alone, to the point you feel foolish for even just reaching out here, no matter how briefly. Please, please, please do not think you're only option is a drastic one.

Please know I am thinking of you and truly wishing you could find some help you so desperately need.

If it's okay, I want to send you some very gentle hugs and support.

RT, I'm so glad you posted here too. And wish there was some way to soothe the pain, beyond just saying we care for you and wish you well.

Like others I feel a little worried that saying too much could trigger more, but I want to say that over the years I've seen quite a number of people here go through this hell of losing a t. The agony has such force.

I've also seen, over and over again, how the situation turns around. I've experienced it myself, too. What happens is, you look around at your smashed pieces, and at some point you begin to gather together your will and your NEED to find the next step. You are armed with new knowledge about what you can and can't tolerate, what you need and what you desire. You understand the deep risks and you still feel the need. You decide to take on the risk of reaching out again, come hell or high water, because the alternatives offer nothing. And because there are flickers of hope, however painful. And because we don't get another chance to witness 'the beauty of the light upon this earth', as the song goes. Hang in there, RT. Call some other Ts. There is someone who is going to help you turn this right around, and then all kinds of things are possible.

(((red tomato))) i am thinking of you, i don't want you to feel so alone and in so much pain. i hope it helps a little to reach out here.

gentle hugs,
puppet

((((((RT))))) I am thinking of you

Thank you (((everybody))).

I went to the ER this morning and start a partial hospitalization program tomorrow. (Not the bad program I was in last time.)

Thanks for all your support.

RT

Giant hugs and love to you RT...we are here and love you.

((((RT))))

Sending hugs and support. Hope you get some relief soon

Hey RT I am so sorry you're in so much pain. I am glad you posted here and I am glad you are getting some help at the hospital. I think in the long run you did the right thing.

(((RT))) Glad you are getting some support in place through this program. Sorry it is so painful and consuming right now. Wish I had better or more words.

RT, you are going in the right direction. Good, good, good for you. Taking enough of care of yourself by asking for help, is an awesome step. Thinking of you and best of luck.

You've been brave to try to handle it on your own, and I think you might be braver to seek help. Hang tough, RT!

((((RT)))) i'm so sorry you're still in so much pain, and am so glad you're reaching out and taking good care of yourself through this. please, stay well!

Sending HUGS!

Hey RT... I have not been on line much but I just saw this and want to say how glad I am that you are reaching out to different places for support. As Jones said, she and I and many others here have lost T's, some in dramatic ways, but have reached inside to find the strength and reached out to others and have moved on with other T's. It's horribly painful and takes some time but I know you have that strength inside you because you have shown it here. You just need to believe it yourself and believe IN yourself. You will find recovery and peace again. Just take one step at a time.

I wish you all the best for tomorrow and truly hope this works out for you.

Hugs
TN

(((RT))) Glad to hear you are reaching out for help, it takes an incredible amount of courage to do so. I also hope this really works out for you. Thank you for letting us know.

AG

((RT)) sending warm thoughts, so glad you are reaching out! that's wonderful!

RT I was tied up most of the weekend and am just seeing this. I'm so glad you reached out. I'll be thinking of you.

Jillann

Hey RT,

I've been off line for the weekend, too. I'm really glad you reached out and got help. I'm sending more hugs and supporting vibes you way. Please don't give up and keep coming here for our company. So many of us here understand where you are now, and are willing to listen. Keep taking care of yourself.

I'm feeling the love, ((((peeps)))).

Smilingpenguin
Lucina
Monte
Starlight
The Kid
Jones
Hollow
puppet
heldincompassion
About
Draggers
Amber
Liese
turtle
yakusoku
Becca
Outsider
closed doors
Finding.Ainsley
True North
Attachment Girl
catalyst
Jillann
Shaman
and a little bunny

I so appreciate your encouragement and support and understanding. Truly.

I did attend the first day of the "Partial Hospitalization" program today. I talked a bit in group about my relationship with T and how I struggled with it. People in the group were like, "you gotta leave that B," but none of them grasped the attachment side of things. It made me think of you all here, because you DO understand. I am hoping that when I am able to have an individual session, it will be with a counselor who does understand about attachment and neediness and therapist failings and the long-ago woundings of parental neglect/emotional abuse.

Between my feelings of unworthiness and my religious past which essentially denied my reality (no you don't really have a headache and no you're not really depressed), I have a hard time discerning and trusting what really is true. Was it really parental neglect or am I too sensitive? Did the therapist's own issues really get in the way or was I too much for her? Do forum members really not care about me (doesn't appear to be so), or are they simply involved in their own life? I struggle to find my truth. I struggle even more to be in relationship.

So I will go back tomorrow and see what I can learn.

RT

((((RT))))

Sorry for late reply, but just wanted to send some support and let you know how glad I am you reached out. You will be in my thoughts and I hope you find some relief.

AH

(((RT))) well done, that was so wise of you! Hope you feel a little better!

I am also very late, but want to add my support to the pile. Yes, we here very much understand the attachment side of things and the deep pain that is endured when you lose a T. I am finding it does lessen in intensity gradually with time, though that is not much comfort when you feel you can't endure it a minute longer. Please try to hold on one day (or one hour) at a time, believing there are better days ahead.