I haven't been around on the forum since a while because i don't know what to write!

something is not right with me and i have tried so many things to solve it but there is no result!!
I am an 18 years old girl who hates parties, who does not know how to have fun, who is always silent around people, and very low self esteem! And i NEED to change that!!!
I hate it when people compliment my looks because i know they are lying or i feel so...i am camera conscious and don't ever take pictures because i hate the way i look.
I am health and body conscious and always criticize myself for it. I am my own enemy somehow.
When i was small, i had a lovely memory, but now i don't remember a thing! I screw things up and then always fear what next i'll do to screw up!
And i am constantly living in fear...fear of fire, water, heights, road,to drive, slopes, fear of not making it in the world as i hope, fear of failing myself, fear of constant rejection, fear of crowd, fear people might like ME and not others...hell i am even tensed up about putting my shoes properly and everyone elses so that nobody trips over them EVERYTIME.
I hate to think how people see me and not knowing how they really do because that screws my relationship with people.

And somehow i constantly want something bad to happen to me!!! Which contradicts my signature!!

And now i have my exams in ten days and for the first time i don't feel ANYTHING!!
I need help!