Hmm, did she say anything interesting?

Lucky!

She has disclosed a few things about herself which is interesting and certainly not something she has ever told me. Like the fact she has epilepsy. Never knew that before. Wonder why that would be a boundary violation for her to tell me. She's mentioned before going to the eplilepsy foundation dinners so she could have easily mentioned that.

So the webcast just concluded. I am feeling a little giddy right now because she used me as an example in her presentation! Not by name of course. She talked about "her client" and then told her audience about something I did as an example of processing grief in a good way and how impressed she had been by that. She was talking about how awesome she felt when I did that. Very affirming but also a little surreal. I just wonder why she wouldn't have told me that herself. I have been so happy that she thought of me outside of the therapy room and even included a vignet from my therapy in her presentation. Very unexpected. I was planning on telling her I watched her live webcast (all 6 hours of it!) but now maybe I shouldn't since perhaps she didn't want me to know her personal thoughts about the thing I did. Otherwise, why wouldn't she have told me at the time? I am over thinking this. It felt so good to see and hear her in real time and for such a long time too rather than just 50 minutes. She doesn't talk so much in our sessions so it was a real treat to see her being herself and talking a lot. She's a very good speaker so I can see why she does these workshops all over the country. Although I wish she would stop doing that because it means a missed session when she travels. I think this was the first time they used a live webcast though. Even though it was aimed at mental health professionals, there was a lot there that I learned and took away from it which will help in my therapy. I can even go back and re-watch it when the podcast is available in a couple of weeks. So should I tell her I watched it or not? Its kind of like my issue with Facebook and not wanting to tell her I am lurking on her wall. The FB thing feels more invasive than this though becuase I don't think she intends or knows her wall is accessible. She can't hardly think a live webcast is going to be private though I doubt she would expect her clients to pay for the course and watch it.

I agree with CTL. This doesn't seem like a boundary crossing or violation at all-- she told you she was teaching a conference and you were interested in what she had to say. It's perfectly reasonable that you'd want to learn more of her thoughts on psychotherapy, seeing as you are doing therapy with her. To me, this would be the equivalent of reading a book your T had published in the field. An interesting and totally legitimate window into her thoughts on a subject very relevant to you.

If it were my T, I'd probably tell her and anticipate pleasant surprise and hopefully an interesting discussion about the talk she gave. However, as people say on this board repeatedly, every therapeutic relationship is different. If you don't want to tell her or feel comfortable, there doesn't seem to be any need that you should, imo.

*sigh* I am currently struggling with a much more ethically dicey issue of this kind. May post a thread of my own about it later.

Hoosier,

It has to feel nice to know that you had such an impact on your T that she mentioned your work together in a conference.

She probably doesn't even realize that she doesn't comment enough on the good things you do in therapy. If she thought more about it, she'd recognize how meaningful it would be for you to hear it. I don't think it's because she doesn't want you to know.

IMHO, she'd be delighted to know you watched the conference but without knowing your T personally and how she might react, it's hard to say if she'd feel invaded or flattered.

What do you think? Would she feel it was an invasion of privacy or would she feel flattered?

Liese

Thanks for all the thoughts. They echo my own thoughts depending on the time of day. I truly don't know how she would feel. If it had not been for the fact that she disclosed so much personal stuff, I would have likely told her. But she talked about her brother's death, her epilepsy, her dogs, what she does to honor her own needs and boundaries in therapy, etc. I think if she had wanted me to know any of that, she would have told me durign the year we have been working together. On the other hand, she disclosed it to a room full of strangers while it was being broadcast live on the web. She didn't tell me about the webcast, she only told me she was doing a conference in Michigan. I googled and found the conference and then saw the link to the webcast. I also saw she posted it on her FB page which I don't think she knows is public. I am not ready to tell her yet that I have been looking at her FB even though I know she would appreciate being told she had messed up and left it open to the public. As you can see, I go round and round about this. Anyhow, I appreciate you all weighing in as it helps to hear other voices besides the ones in my head.

quote:

I think if she had wanted me to know any of that, she would have told me durign the year we have been working together.

Hoosier, have you considered that the reason she has not disclosed any of that is simply because you haven't asked, and she didn't know you were curious?

My T is very open. So far I have never asked a single question about her that she has been unwilling to answer. However there are still many things about her that I don't know, simply because I DON'T CARE, or because knowing them would actually be detrimental to my treatment. If she started talking about her pets or past medical conditions without me asking about them, I'd probably resent her for taking up session time with irrelevant information. Similarly, she seldom talks about her emotional reactions to me, because we both know that the less I know about them, the less I will be caught in trying to please and take care of her and the more I can focus on my own healing. However, this doesn't mean she'd be unwilling to share more about them if I asked.

So, long story short, don't assume that just because your T hasn't shared information with you that it is private or she doesn't want you to know. It may be that it just hasn't seemed relevant, or that she didn't see any direct benefit to you in bringing it up.

Totally agree with

My T has answered every question I have ever asked her and always waits until I am ready to ask her. It is part of the therapy discovery and to help me be brave and to ask.

Also - T and I are always under time constraints - we both get frustrated that we never have enough time and we both have unanswered questions every week.
SD

I actually have asked some of this stuff. She had shared that her brother died because my own brother died young too. But when I asked her how he died (a natural question I thought) she said she preferred to keep the focus on my issues, not hers. She has also directly told me that her personal life is her personal life and that she believed it best to keep our boundaries intact. So I feel like I can't even ask her about stuff like her upcoming wedding or what she did this last weekend or anything like that. I know she believes that is best for me because my previous T was so loose with boundaries that half our sessions were about her. I did feel resentment that she took up so much time even though those sessions were two hours long, and not the 50 minutes a week I am restricted to now. But I hear what you are both saying and I think I will broach the subject with her when I see her today. We have an unusual time and date of our session today since she has to have a surgery on her knee this Thursday (she doesn't know I know the reason). Anyhow, its already going to be a weird session so I might as well talk "off topic" about this stuff. Thanks everyone.

Awesome, Hoosier. Let us know how it goes (if you are comfortable doing so, that is. I understand if not.).