Hey Tas

I can hear the struggle and torment in your post. Have you talked to T about this impasse?
Even if you want to finish, schedule a termination session or two. Cutting ad running will hurt you more in the long run

((TAS))

Have you ever tried another T, just to see if the negative transference might be a little less or at least easier to deal with with someone else?

((TAS)) ((Summer)) and hugs to everyone else who struggles with negative transference with their T

I have also have a ton of negative transference and I've been working with my T for almost 5 years now. It is finally getting less intense and although I have the same thoughts and fears (he hates me, is frustrated, tired, mean, too stupid to recognize that this isn't working properly) but I don't believe them in quite the same way and therefore I move out of them slightly quicker. I have had consults with other T's and found them very helpful mainly because I have realized that while I can form a connection with other T's I still don't trust what they say and that they "like" me for want of a better word (really I mean a collection of feelings including unconditional positive regard, respect etc). I realized that I would have this feeling about anyone I worked with for long enough that they see the real me.

It also helps that my T has been incredibly consistent and accepting of my feelings and how I express them (for me the negative feelings come out by email or voicemail after I leave his office). I also have made a lot of progress in my life even though I have doubted therapy and my therapist for about 98% of the time I've been involved in therapy. I am a better parent, have better relationships with my husband and friends, have set better boundaries with my parents and siblings. Also I am much more aware of my feelings and what causes them in most areas of my life. Therapy is the most confusing and painful right now which adds to my fear that I am stuck and it won't work but I can't argue with the results.

I would encourage you to do anything that continues you moving forward on your goal of improving your life including meeting with other T's or returning to your T and telling him all the negative feelings you have about him and therapy. Don't give up on yourself. You deserve the right to grow personally however it works.

Thank you, each of you, for your replies. I will write more later. I had a session with the Therapist and cried the entire hour.

I will elaborate more this coming weekend. Thank you for your support and kindness.

TAS,

I wanted to chime in earlier, but I didn't get the chance. I am another person who has had a lot of negative transference with my therapist. I still have a lot of criticisms and doubts about him. I still struggle with it. I am coming up on three years with him. It is definitely not easy. My T does let me tell him how I feel about him and accepts my complaints, and that helps somewhat. It took me a long time to figure out that I should just tell him everything that I felt about him. He knows that I often think he is stupid and useless (something in common with how Cat feels about her T sometimes). He didn't always take it well, but now he continues to reassure me that it is OK if I keep feeling negative towards him and telling him about it, he can handle it and he will still be there.

Also, I did at one point see a consult T and she helped me decide to stay with my T in spite of our toubles.

It sounds like your session might have been helpful to you. I hope so. Hang in there! You are definitely not alone.

Quell