If she said she would see you later,
she must not be saying she doesn't want to see you again. Could you be misintrepreting what happened? Maybe you should go to clear the air. Or at least a call to her?

JD,

I agree, if she said she could see you later today then she doesn't want to end the relationship. There is obviously something stirring in you that caused you to get so upset and make this decision and it sounds like it might have nothing to do with your T. I would like to gently encourage you to go in and see your T and see if you can figure out what is going on. I hate to see you hurting. Did you have a session with her before this? Do you have any idea what prompted this reaction?

(((hugs)))

****** triggers. talk of termination and SI - please skip this post if you are in bad spot and go to the next one - this is just the "something that happened." no details of Si but mention of it. ***********************

My insurance. They called me back about something medical. In the midst of it they started talking about my old T. They said I didn’t deserve care if I couldn’t have made it work with my old T. They used the word “deserve.” They also accused my old T of “fraud.” (I don’t understand why they want me to go back to a T they accused of fraud, or would bring it up when dealing with a medical matter, but this is why I don’t get any therapy through my insurance. My current T called doesn’t bill my insurance. I just self pay whatever I can.)

They called my current T to give her instructions about my insurance since I cried and couldn't talk after they went off about my old T. My current T called me while I was still crying about my insurance. It didn’t go well talking with my T.

She refused to give me the info while we talked and told me to “calm down.” I said “how do I do that? I am shaking just hearing (old T)’s name again.” She said to “use your skills.” She repeated to calm down… I told her I never wanted to see her again.

I got numb and calm and SIed. I'm not sure in what order. I don't remember if the call ended before or after I SIed.

I called my T and left her a message saying I just needed the insurance info and I didn’t need her keeping it hostage (which of course was not what she was doing) and said I didn’t need her telling me to “just use skills.” I was calm and felt nothing.

She called about an hour later. She left a message and then called right back, I picked up and said “are you never going to see me again?” I did not even say hello...

She said we would talk about that on the phone or in an appointment sometime, she was just calling to tell me the insurance info that she had started to leave on my voicemail.

I said “then I need to make an appointment as soon as possible.”

She said “ok, then we will discuss if we will continue and agreements that would need to be made to continue.”

this all happened in the last couple hours.
**************end********************

I don't feel anything. I don't feel like I can even think at all. Let alone make agreements or anything. I am calm... in like a numb way... I don't feel or think much anything. I don't know if or when I have felt this way. Things have been somewhat ok, and this is like a big crash... Feburary. There is so much bad that has happened the first week of Feburary. I don't want to see another Feburary. I was ok yesterday, how can I be so not ok now?

((((((JANE))))))

I can see why you feel the way you do after what she said. did you wind up making an appointment with her?

(((((HUGS)))))

Liese

Oh my. I can see why you are feeling so unsure of the relationship and what happened. It sounds like February is a difficult month for you and that phone call may have triggered a great deal of past trauma. Are you going to see her?

(((hugs)))

hi yeah she said she had an opening for this afternoon so she put me down then.

Good. I'm glad you are going in. You know, I've had sudden ruptures with my T that have left me wondering wth just happened and every time going in and talking to her helped so much. I hope that you are able to connect with your T and that you feel heard and secure in the relationship when your session is over. (((hugs)))

Jane

that phone call with your insurance sounds so cruel. i think everyone deserves therapy if they want it and find it helps. I'm sorry about the rupture with T. It sounds so confusing. I can understand why you are suffering. I hope your session with T helps. Please remember because I never can that you don't have to "fix" everything in one session. Take it slow and deal with what is most important first.

Di

oh, jane. i am so sorry. i understand your panic. and the numb state. it sounds like things are going to be ok, she is seeing you today. i am sure she understands where you were coming from when you said you didn't want to see her.

oh, i am so sorry you are in tough stuff, but, breathe.

insurance companies don't 'get' much, so don't take that too personally, altho i would be way hurt, too.

let us know how the appt goes.

xxoo jill

I think you are very brave to go to your session.

Jane,

So glad you are going in to see her and that she got you in today. I agree with incognito about the phone call with your insurance company. What they said to you was out of line and totally unprofessional and inappropriate. If you have the frame of mind to do so, I would encourage you to write a letter to their supervisor and any other appropriate person.

Liese

(((Jane)))
Thinking of you - so pleased you're going to see T.
Be gently with you
Morgs

Go gently jane, we are all behing you,

((((jane))))

starfish

JD,
Hoping everything went well with T. We are here if you need us.

Now I know why I don't like to call my T.

PG

I'm so fried right now but I just want to say thank you so much to all of your for your encouragement with me in this awful day.

I did go see my T, ans she was a little tense, but when we sat down she was soft in her voice, as normal, and I just broke down into silent tears and was almost curled up into a ball. I'm not sure what I felt, just so much pain. I could just even look at her the entire session.

She wasn't domineering or demanding about having some "rules" but it was more like "hey, help me understand what happened and what didn't work and what would work better so we can have some better ideas of how to handle this..." and she explained that is what she needed to feel like she could be helpful and continue with me. So I muscled through it, saying things as best I could, apologizing, and even just explaining I wasn;t very sure of too much right now 'cause I was feeling something but so disconnected from it. She held some good gentle boundaries that were very good and helped me stay contained... At the end, I asked, "so can we work through this? she said yeah, I think so. Let's just keep talking. I just want to be helpful and we just gotta figure out what would have helped out here more."

I am back to being totally numb, but also exhausted. My body was so tense trying to fight back the tears about... I don't even quite know what.

I'm glad I went. I feel awfully shakey and confused... but I do feel like I understand my T better and we started figuering out what didn't work for both of us and what would work better.

Thank you everyone for helping encourage me and hanging in with me through this. I am so baffled by it all... thank you so much.

just gonna try to take this day gently and rest and hope tomorrow will be better I hope... and that things can really turn back around with my T...

quote:

just gonna try to take this day gently and rest and hope tomorrow will be better I hope... and that things can really turn back around with my T...

I think that is an excellent idea. Take it easy and let yourself regroup and recharge. I'm sure you can work this out with your T. It sounds like she really wants to help and understand what happened with this rupture. I'm so glad that you went in to see her. (((hugs)))

Jane,

Glad you got to see her. Hope you get some rest.

Liese

Janedoe,

I am glad that the two of you are meeting. I hope that you are able to sort things out. Please keep us posted. Sending lots of love and positive thoughts your way tonight.

jane, i hope you had a good nights sleep, and that a new day produces some clarity on this emotionally wrenching day.

i am glad you went in. she seems really open and helpful.

you are in my thoughts, janedoe!!

when do you go back??

jill

A little while after my appointment with my T something really awful happened. It doesn't have anything to do with therapy. I've been in the midts of it for the past 36 hours, some friends helped in a way I am just numb about right now. I'm feeling really in a state of shock and survival - which I don't need to feel anymore. Im taking everything one very careful step at a time. My T said we could have a check in call tomorrow. It is like a short pre-planned call where we just talk about coping and staying safe (and not so much about processing or anything about the past). I'm scared to talk to her tomorrow and yet longing to hear my Ts sweet voice. I'm also so glad for you all. it might take me a little while before I am out of this shocked kind of state and able to respond more specifically to this or any other posts. I am taking in and treasuring your words and find such sweet comfort in your support and encouragement. thank you all.
hope to write again sooon,
a little shocked and fried jane