My mother has been an alcohlic since i was about four or five(im 23) and has no wish to stop. as a child she blammed me for everything. her failed marriage with my abusive father, her not having a job, me and my sister going to foster care twice. anything that went wrong i caused it. she is extremly mentally abusive and when she is drinking she will say anything she can to hurt your feelings. she made fun of me once for being sexually abused by my father.. and told me thats just not right.. she was the adult and knew it happened and did nothing. she married another physically abusive man and is still with him. she alway chose him over me and my sister and probably always will. i constantly would seek her aproval and her praise and never got it. when im near her i feel an overwhelming need to smell her hear her voice feel her hug me. but when i leave i feel this uncontrolable anger. ive told several people about it and the brush it off. so i know they cant understand. its like dread,extreme anger,and anxiety. and it usually tappers off in a day or two but for that little while i am so angry i cant control myslef i want to cry and scream and break things. i seen my mom yesterday and it happened again. i live in an upstairs apartment and was so angry i threw an old frige in the yard ( i was taking it to the curb it was broken anyway) im a little on the short side and i am not strong by any means. this is a very unhealthy relationship. and i dont know how to stop it. i have to have contact with her in may because im moving out of state and i need her taxes for finacial aid for college and im about to have a break down about it. is there a way to work through these emotions? or do i need to cut off all contact with her?