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3 replies

I feel like I'm home (Phone Session)

yakusokuyakusokuMember
So, not really ready to go full-on exposure, but had a really good session with T.

He gave me his thoughts on what I'm experiencing and what he thinks is probably the diagnosis, his experience working with (one other person) this particular issue and the very basics of how he approaches it.

He admitted to his deficiency in the area of structure/systematic stuff (said where he thinks his strengths lie too) and wants us to be committed together to address safety issues and get a structure in place for me. He had a few ideas around this. They're in the Sensitive Issues forum. We're still brainstorming together.

He countered my projections about what he thinks about me and some of my own self-invalidation around the experiences I've been having.

When I was feeling that his saying that he didn't have a lot of experience or strength in some of the things I needed meant, "Behave or I'll send you away," he told me that he would never do that. He'll share information with me, but leaving will always be 100% my choice. He said he has never terminated (well, he said sent away) a client and he cannot imagine a scenario in which he would. He's been doing this for 25-years, so I guess if he can't even imagine a scenario, I'll just have to trust that he is with me as long as I want (I'd have to pardon him for retiring, eventually, I guess).

So, for now, I am just wanting to stay with my T, who really seems to get where I'm at and is willing to work with me on the issues I struggle with (safety, communication, etc.). Some of the things he said today which related to his reasoning on the probable diagnosis (which, obviously is not a 100% certainty) are things he mentioned to me a few weeks into our work together...and are the exact same characteristics he described in this other client with the same issue. So, perhaps he intuitively "saw" me from the start...and that feels very safe right now, to be seen by my gentle T and to feel like I have been placed in his care for a reason.

Now, I just need more money or T to get on my HMO...
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jonesjonesMember
Yaku, I see in this post so much evidence of excellent work you are doing to front up with your needs and your genuine experience, and to make sure you are on the right track for healing. This takes great courage, and I'm really impressed. I'm also pleased and relieved to see your T is being responsive on this stuff - on your need to address the safety issues, your need for clarity around diagnosis and his previous experience.

You are doing really great. And I can certainly see why staying with your T is right for you now, given his responsiveness.

Take care,
Jones
True NorthTrue NorthCo-moderator
quote:
He admitted to his deficiency in the area of structure/systematic stuff (said where he thinks his strengths lie too) and wants us to be committed together to address safety issues and get a structure in place for me. He had a few ideas around this.


Yaku, I think you had an excellent phone session today and the above quote tells me that your T is doing the right things. He has examined what he knows and what you need and he is committed to working on getting things in place to best help you. It's only really dangerous when a T cannot recognize his shortcomings or when he does nothing about them. I'm glad your T is paying so much attention to what you need and really listening to you. I like that you are brainstorming this together. You also did a great job in communicating to him what you needed and how you felt about things.

I look forward to hearing more good things from your therapy.

TN
yakusokuyakusokuMember
Jones, TN - thanks.

This is the safest I've felt about my therapy in weeks...just having him be so transparent. I don't think he was purposefully being vague before, but I was just not able to show him what I need as directly. I think one major improvement is that I am now giving him a brief summary of what I NEED him to know before my journal entries and asking that he focus on the summary and letting him read or ignore the journal as he chooses. I'm also forcing myself to talk about the topics I've told him we need to, even when I freeze up...just being patient with myself until even a few words come to break open that conversation. The biggest thing, I think, was the open invitation he has repeated over the past few sessions for ALL of me to participate in therapy. I don't think I even realized how much was getting held back, because I wasn't sure if he would welcome me in that way...and he does, with open arms.

It gives me peace to know that he has done this for so long and never left a client. He makes mistakes, owns them, tries to address them...and then he stays. I don't think I can convey how much it means to have just that one thing...someone who will stay. Someone who will hold still as I approach. I hope I can hold onto that gift (know it somewhere deep down) the next time I am panicking about our connection or the distance.

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