Sadly
This made me a little teary in a good way - very pleased for you, nice to read

How wonderful, Sadly!

Just hearing you talk about this is giving me that same feeling .

So happy for ya!

Yes, it is a really good feeling. I did not feel able to tell my T what I thought the feeling was, but he remarked that I had not had a phone call with him that week and I said I did not feel the need. That I was feeling different. But I did not want to say what I thought was going on because I was nervous that it might vanish in a puff of smoke if we put on a spot light on it. But I felt different.. And we had a very deep session where I was wide open and spoke about how I felt so openly.

At the end, just as I walked out the door I gave him a typed out sheet that tells what I think : that I think I feel loved and how that has happened and what it feels like and why it is so different for me.

I feel a bit odd knowing that at some point in the next week he will read that.

Maybe I wasn't quite ready to have him know it so black and white.

I feel a bit exposed. Even though I know that I am heading in the right direction.

It is amazingly scary to be feeling loved, it makes everything feel different inside.I am not sure what I am going to do or say next. Everything has changed. It is like being on a different train track.

And the weirdest side effect is that I feel littler with him than I have ever done, and he knows that the hurtest part of me is very little indeed and so it makes sense that it took making me feel safe enough by feeling loved, for that part of me to start to be able to be there in the room.

Oh but it is excruciatingly exposed.

quote:

It is amazingly scary to be feeling loved, it makes everything feel different inside.I am not sure what I am going to do or say next. Everything has changed. It is like being on a different train track.

I know what you mean about that feeling of being loved changing everything. Every time I have felt that, it has felt the same way for me: life-altering. But of course it is so very vulnerable as well. It is a shame that people like us have to fight our way into being able to feel a steady sense of being loved, which those who were securely attached as children have probably taken for granted their entire lives.

I know that my husband loves me and yet most of the time I can't seem to fully feel that love. The same is mostly true with my dad, brother, friends, etc... There is some part of me that still tells me I cannot feel that, it can't be true, can't be reliable. Because I am not a lovable person, so anyone who loved me must really be deluding themselves. *sigh*

This song just came up on Pandora for me and it reminded me of this thread, so I thought I'd post the lyrics:

"She Is Love"

I've been beaten down, I've been kicked around,
But she takes it all for me.
And I lost my faith, in my darkest days,
But she makes me want to believe.

They call her love, love, love, love, love.
They call her love, love, love, love, love.
She is love, and she is all I need.

She's all I need.

Well I had my ways, they were all in vain,
But she waited patiently.
It was all the same, all my pride and shame,
And she put me on my feet.

They call her love, love, love, love, love.
They call her love, love, love, love, love.
They call her love, love, love, love, love.
She is love, and she is all I need.

And when that world slows down, dear.
And when those stars burn out, here.
Oh she'll be here, yes she'll be here,
They call her love, love, love, love, love.
They call her love, love, love, love, love.
They call her love, love, love, love. love.

She is love, and she is all I need,
She is love, and she is all I need,
She is love, and she is all I need.

Thanks Alpaca, that is really lovely.