((((DR))))

What a difficult decision. I'm so glad T left her door open. It makes sense that if you had that blessing from your OldT you wouldn't be in this predicament.

DR
I agree this must have been so difficult for you. I'm feeling like I'm about to be in this predicament and I don't think I can deal with it. I think it's good to be looking out for yourself though and see how it goes and that her door is always open...still though very difficult.
's
Hopeful

Thanks for understanding -
Liese, It was a good thing T left her door open because I asked to see her the day after telling her I would stop seeing her. Thanks for acknowledging my comment about oT. I really needed that validation because it is such a painful subject and has created a lot of confusion for me.

hopeful, it turned out to be a little too difficult when I found out the other T could only see me every other week this month. I asked T if she would see me again because the water I am in is too deep to tread in alone. I hope you are not put in this predicament but if you are that you first have the support you need.

I once thought I was okay with change. I thought I should handle changes in T like I handle the changes of a dental appointment and could not for the life of me understand why I could not. I have to admit, I do not like change but am learning to better cope with it.

This experience has compelled me to compare my fear, no, terror, of attachment to oT and how I clung to current T to get me through the pain of termination by oT and now, three years later, I am venturing away from my current T and even though I had to return, I found out I was okay with the exploration. OMG, I realize this means I am securely attached.

Why did it feel like attachment was something sinful?

deeplyrooted

(((DR))) you are inspiring!

Thanks, cat! You made me smile. It's a huge step for me to feel the attachment but I am not totally sure I got it right. I still have plans to find another T who can guide me spiritually and therapeutically but it feels good to think I can do this without needing some sort of drama (anger, hate, fear) to leave her. The ending with my oT was so painful that it feels almost surreal to be at peace with this process. That doesn't mean without tears, but at least I don't feel like I am going to die without her.

You are much more active on here than I am, do you think I should make the question as a separate thread? I really want to understand these feelings and am sure someone here on the board can give me food for thought.

DR