hey kash I hope so because I'm in the same place now. Despair and hopelessness
Hugs to you

It has for me, I think it will for you too!

(((kashley)))

I'm still trying to figure that out. I think it does, but it is hard and scary to believe in it at the risk of being disappointed again. Lots of hugs. Have been thinking about you a ton lately!

((((Kashley)))

Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end.

It WILL get better, it's just very hard getting there, but the further you get, the easier it is to keep going. You're going to be better.



Promise.

AG

((kashley)) i think it does, or at least gets different and easier.

Glad you and T worked out your rupture, I do understanding lingering hurt - I have that w/ T2 right now. Feels like it will never go away... but at least that part I can tell you I've kept showing up and it at least hasn't gotten worse.

Sorry so many of you know what I'm talking about. I appreciate all the responses. The rupture we had was honestly the first one that really has had an effect on the relationship and even though she apologized and I was open about the effects of the comment she made, it doesn't erase all of my doubts and terrified thoughts that T meant what she said the first time. That's primarily what's beating me down right now.

Kash don't let the inner circus get carried away. You know your T loves you. She misspoke, there was a reparation and an apology. Those are the hallmarks of a safe relationship. Think of all the good things she's done, how she's listened, been supportive, accepting and caring. Getting close to someone when you've been hurt by caregivers raises a lot of anxiety and part of you might want to sabotage your relationship to "keep you safe". However healing comes from connection and love, not isolation, fear and pain

(((KASHLEY)))

quote:

terrified thoughts that T meant what she said the first time.

I totally get that. What did she say? I missed it.

Our interpretations of things are colored by our own experiences and thoughts and feelings. Sometimes it's hard NOT to believe that someone meant something other than what we would have intended ourselves.

((((Kashley)))) -

I think it gets better. I think it mostly depends on how you repaired it. And if she apologized whole heartedly with no excues for her behavior. Just remember T is human...even though (if you are anything like me) we tend to think they are God-like - they will make mistakes.

Old T and I had a bad rupture once. It took time for us to heal it. Even though I always remembered what she said and always wondered if it was "true"...that is mostly my inner insecurities running away with me. Our relationship overall, actually grew stronger b/c of it.

I hope things get better for you Kashley. I think it will. (((Kashley)))

Hey all,

Sorry it's taken me a few days to get back to this. I think I needed to just disconnect for a couple days...I don't know. Thank you, as always, for being so wonderful and supportive.

Thanks, GreenEyes.. I know it's not fair of me to keep questioning myself about T's original comment. She did apologize profusely and took complete responsibility for what she said. She said that there's such a fine line between trying to encourage someone to control their thoughts and acknowledging that they just aren't in a place to do that yet, and that's where we ran into trouble. Part of me is still just terrified, although there's always a part of me that's terrified of something.

Oh, and Liese..I didn't say here what she said, and I'm a little hesitant to do that on the OF just because the reason why she said what she did has to do with something I'm horribly ashamed of, but I did explain in my most recent blog post.

Thanks, Kmay...My T has used this rupture to reiterate that she's human and makes mistakes. But I can see the that this has, in part, made the relationship stronger already, but my head is still in shambles.

I've had to start physical therapy this week (3x a week) for a minor knee injury, on top of a large presentation for work on Saturday, and then my first "woman's" exam on Thursday, which I am just..beyond terrified about. I'm afraid I'm going to cry the whole time. And then I have to go back to work. I'm just very scared. I should have told my T so we could talk about it, but I couldn't bring it up - shame stifled me. But I will see her the day after, so that's something.

Thanks for being so kind and patient with me, you guys.