(((GUM)))
I always hate when I see a thread & no one has answered it. I figure u might be on the other side dying for an answer. I'm pretty sick write now & would like to answer all the questions but I don't think I can concentrate that long.
Ill take # 2 though. That's a tough one for me.

I married an atheist so in some ways it's like marrying the devil! He always questions my faith or makes comments. I think everyone has their own personal religious relationship & I don't question that, everyone has different beliefs, even him.
When struggling so much w/ a mental illness your mind plays tricks on you. Makes you feel bad. Makes you think of maybe hurting yourself, your worthless,all this negative self talk starts to snowball very easily & the heavier that ball is the more doubt we might have about the age old question of "why." Why are we asked to carry such a burden? Can we really carry it? Where's the help in carrying it? I just asked this question again a few days ago. Where is God's help? Did he abandon me?
To me the answer is in the book of Job. Yes he went thru hell & people talk about "the patience of Job" but if you really know the story I think it's chapter 5&7 Job has a fight w/ God, wants to know where he is, he yells @ him & gets very angry! Yeah he's human! I try to remember that. I'm human & still after I have my temper tantrum yelling @ God that I'm still like a child & I still turn to him w/ my child like faith. Faith is such a huge word for me. It's a word that's not really spoken in my house bec an atheist doesn't have any. None. They don't understand the concept.
I think I'm rambling & all over the place , but just wanto tell you 2 things.
1. Look for your child inside & the faith she carries. Kids don't question it, they just know its there.
2. We always get an answer for our prays. Silence is an answer it just might not be the answer we're looking for @ the time. You'll get thru it-just hang in there.
Mudd

PS please whine & vent on the forum! Then I'm not so alone when I Continually do it

1. It is extremely annoying to me when the therapist gets facts wrong. I think it is usual for them not to remember detail as that may not be the thing they are paying attention to, but it is annoying. I am not as annoyed when they forget as when they get it wrong. I would rather them just admit they forgot or were not listening or it did not matter than have them guess wrong or confuse me with someone else. I have told the one I see to take better notes.

2. Does not appy to me.

3. I also do yoga, qigong, meditation, reiki, sacral cranial therapy, acupuncture and forth. I do not see it as having anything to do with therapy. I think doing things to take care of oneself is good, not a betrayal or lack of trust in anything.

1. This has not come up for me with my primary T because she has an incredible memory. She remembers my sessions better than I do and recalls little details I'm astonished she'd remember. The consult T I went to see several times did forget some things, not small stuff either, but important features of my "case". It annoyed me. I felt invisible and like I was just another client on a conveyor belt. This might be part of the reason I decided she was dispensable.

2. Well, I do think there is such a thing as a "dark night of the soul" that can happen to even the most dedicated believers, where your sense of God's presence (or His goodness) is just gone. For some people it lasts for long a time, but those who have been through it often testify that when it ends and they look back, they see it as a valuable time of growth. I am sorry you are dealing with this now and hope it gets better soon. (((hugs)))

3. Well, when I went looking for another T I was actually annoyed with mine so the slight sense that I was betraying her did not bother me much! I don't think it really is a betrayal, though. . . it's a good thing to seek the best care you can for yourself.

Sounds like you are grappling with a lot of intense issues right now. (((hugs again))) Take care and keep us posted on your journey!

Mudd, thank you! Yeah, it's nice to get replies to your stuff, especially when you're hopeless for answers. I do hope to reply to your posts too in the future.

Aaah, I know what that's like. One of my close friends here is atheist and I always stay out of talking about religion with him because it always leads to nowhere and frustration. Yes, I ask myself all of those questions and it makes it harder to feel that silence, you know? To feel that though God is with you always (a belief I hold very firmly) he isn't doing anything about it. I read Job the day after you sent this to me and I'm glad I did! His story was an inspiration to me and so was what he said about his "friends" because that really does apply to people who are suffering from something. Sometimes we feel like people are here to offer sympathy and comfort, like true friends should, but in the end they only make you feel worse and judged. His anger at God, his wanting to rebel and express himself in the most honest way possible (God knows no lies) is cathartic, I guess you could say. I really like the analogy you make about kids and faith too. I'll keep that in mind and keep on complaining! And YES. So many times after praying have I gotten weird hopeful resolutions to things.

Stoppers: It's annoying and I feel like pointing it out to him blatantly, having no regard if I'm being rude or not. I'll see if he does it more. You're right, taking care of yourself always coems first and whatever you do counts for it.

heldincompassion: I always love reading your replies because you've been really helpful lately and I appreciate that. Yes, it is irritating and it does make me feel like he has so many "customers" that he doesn't even keep track of who is who and what they need. I'll see if he does it more often and I'm going to take action next time. Can I ask what orientation is your current T and the T you consulted later?

For me, disbelief and anger lasts for periods of weeks, maybe a month at the most and then something brings me back. My parents take us to church often and something always lifts my spirits while I'm there, or moves me and makes me want to cry. I do agree that these kind of trials are definitely times of growth, not only as a person, but in your faith.

Thank you. Tomorrow I will begin my consultation period and see where it goes from there. I'll definitely keep everyone updated. Things were better today and I hope I keep that positivity all through this coming week.

quote:

I always love reading your replies because you've been really helpful lately and I appreciate that.

Aw, that is nice to hear, thanks.

quote:

Can I ask what orientation is your current T and the T you consulted later?

My current T is "eclectic", but primarily Rogerian. She's pretty adaptable in her approach to. . . well, everything. That's been good in some ways because I never feel controlled or like she is imposing her views or agenda on me, but there has been some trial and error and occasional frustration in figuring out the best way to use my sessions and how to work productively. We spent a lot of time the first year or so just getting to know eachother. I was slow to open up.

The T I consulted with pegs herself as specializing in trauma and addiction, but she addresses these things through a variety of alternative therapies-- EMDR, SE, guided imagery, hypnotherapy, biofeedback. Hypnotherapy is clearly her favorite. She spent a lot of time extolling it at my first session and she was also chattering about chakras and energy centers and so on. . . to me she seemed a bit strange, but I like to keep an open mind. We did the hypnotism stuff just once, I didn't like it, but I went back a few times for guided imagery to help with stress reduction and relaxation. Some of that was pretty cool and helpful.

Good luck with the consult! Let us know how it goes.