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My first ever pdoc appointment is Tuesday morning. I finally got around to looking the doctor up. I just accepted the appointment without looking her up, because she was the first available and at the time, she was booked over two months out. Now, I've looked her up and she is a woman (which I knew), not too much older than my mom. She just looks...I don't know, not very put together. Like stringy hair and a really casual, ugly blouse, and like she doesn't care at all about her physical appearance. It's funny, because I don't care much about my physical appearance either and for all I know staff picture day was just a bad.

Also, while most medical websites give her decent reviews, like 3.5/5 stars, she has a couple of really terrible yelp reviews (although it seems like the people are complaining about either very specific problems or the department as a whole, due to insurance issues). I downloaded forms ahead of time, because I'm afraid I will be too anxious or dissociated to fill them out in the office. Hopefully, they're the right ones.

I just...do not want to go see this lady. I know it would probably be the case of anyone. I wish I could have my T with me there, because if she is confrontational or dismissive, I am not sure exactly how I'm going to handle it. I'm also afraid to jump into this questionnaire, because so many of the questions, I'll have to answer "occasionally," because of stupid f---ing parts stuff where I will one moment have a very scary feeling and minutes or hours later be feeling, "Where the heck did that come from? Oh well, it's gone now!"

I guess I should save this anxiety attack for when something has actually already gone wrong, huh?

I think the other thing freaking me out is T had a call from the insurance people on Friday and he couldn't get a hold of them to find out what it was and said he'd update me, but he didn't, so now my paranoia is saying it was bad news and he is waiting until Monday, so he can tell me in person...when it is probably just that they had more questions or he couldn't get a hold of anyone directly. AHHHHHHHHH!
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(((BG))) (((Monte))) Thanks to you both.

The questionnaire is mostly just picking 1-5 on different symptoms. It's just hard, because most of those I usually either feel are totally true or totally false and it's difficult to gauge how much of the time they are totally true in order to give an accurate estimate. I almost felt like I should ask my T or someone who hears from me on a regular basis how much of the time I SEEM that way. The hardest part about the form was the part where it asks if I have any family members with emotional problems or psychiatric conditions. Many family members have obvious emotional problems (e.g. abusive relationships, past or current self-destructive behavior, obvious erratic behavior, etc.), but most are undiagnosed even if they have been to therapy before. H suggested I just put, "See family tree." Roll Eyes
Thanks, Draggers. I hope she puts me at ease and my nasty transference toward women in a position of authority doesn't completely sabotage any chance I have of working with her. I'm having the crappiest week in terms of triggers that I have had in several months and I just need it to go OK.

DF - Thanks for the practical advice. I just went with my gut on most of the questions that I had to choose between never-rarely-occasionally-frequently-usually and when it was close between a symptom being occasional or frequent, I tended to err on the side of occasional. So, I have a ton of threes, some fours and twos, a surprising amount of ones (though mostly in the areas of addiction and what I assume is manic symptoms) and a few fives for stuff like depression, headaches, nightmares and yay menstrual problems (which I didn't even know could be a psychological symptom). Anyway, I find it interesting that your P says there should be a separate DSM for trauma victims. Did she say why? Just randomly curious. I have already signed a release (on both ends) for my P to contact my T for his thoughts. Hopefully, they will both follow through! Thanks so much for all the advice, really!

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