((((((((((puppet))))))))))) Is there no way to keep seeing her anyway? My heart is breaking for you. No one is going to tell you to get over it. It is HARD!

Hi Puppet,

I'm so sorry you're facing this loss. I completely understand where you're coming from. I became attached to my T (or I should say the attachment became glaringly obvious to me) by my 5th session with her. Some of us just have such strong attachment needs that we are very easily 'hooked'. Please don't beat yourself up over this. You're okay.

I wish I had something good to offer you to make you feel better, but I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in this. It IS very painful and I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

(((Puppet)))

MTF

((((puppet)))) I am so sorry. I too hope their might be some way to see her maybe on a silding scale, at least for a little bit... but it's still crummy. grr. I've been duking it out with my health insurance and ugh, it's awful. They want me to switch T's to a clinic that already has written my insurance saying they can't help and my T is willing to treat even for free if needed, but that is hard on me and my T... and it just is so hard when so many outside factors affect the therapy and being able to do it...

grr...

I'm so sorry for the pain you must be in. I know it's not the same at all, but please know, you won't lose us, and we are still here. Keep posting and sharing as you go through this (if it helps you)

wish I had some good words of advice, or even better, some way to make it all ok and let you stay with her! argh.

sending hugs and good thoughts your way,
~ jane

I'm so sorry, Puppet. I know how hard it is to terminate under any circumstance, but to have it dictated by outside factors like this seems such an injustice.

i am overwhelmed by everyone's kind words... to be honest, they hurt a little... but in a good way i think, a bittersweet pain that i'm trying to hold in, get used to it.....

i've tried to keep busy today so i only came back now to check in. its gonna take time to get through all the feelings and i know i need to look after myself, after all i'm gonna be on my own again...

yaku, thank you for the hugs, you are sweet!

MTF, it really helps to know someone else understands. i've been in denial about the attachment for a long time, maybe too long, and i dont mean just in this case but in general, i tend to pretend i dont care either way and i dont need anything from anyone. i think i was 'hooked' from the 2nd session, because i really needed this, and also she 'felt' strong.. strong enough for all f&*(ed up things inside me.

jane, thank you for understanding too! and i hope you can keep seeing your T.
it means a lot that i can post here where people understand, i dont have anyone else around right now i can talk to about this.

LG, it is kind of you to say its an injustice... i feel its more my fault, or the risk that i took. i knew from the beginning that my job was only temporary and then when i first started seeing this new T she said she only does sessions during the day and luckily enough it worked out that i could do 4 days a week at work. but from now on, even when i do find another job, that would be really unlikely its almost cruel to still hope... and in the current job market, i can't afford to be picky.

UV, thank you for your sweet words.

D, thanks so much for the hugs! hope you are doing ok...


puppet

p.s. i feel like i've been a bit of a drama queen... i will probably have another 2-3 sessions, as my job will finish in 2-3 weeks. so i hopefully will have time to process all of this with my T. (if i dont freak out and run away). it was just such a shock because only 2 weeks ago i was led to believe that my job could continue for longer and then i talked to my T about seeing her for longer

hey puppet, just wanted to say I was thinking of you and hoping things are getting a little better and the pain is a little lighter. hang in there. many hugs, jane

thank you jane, you are so sweet to think of me!
i'm afraid i've been keeping myself busy and in denial but now i'm falling apart again. i suppose i have to feel it at some stage...

i had this vision of a little girl (me) frantically searching through this big dark old house, kept opening doors and trying to see through the darkness and she wouldn't give up, kept looking even though she was tired, even though she had looked in those dark rooms only moments earlier...... and i'm at a complete loss as to what to tell her, do i tell her that she won't find who she's looking for, that its too late and she's gone forever or do i tell her that i'll help her look - even though i would be lying or giving her false hope...... i just don't know....

it means a lot that you asked about me.

puppet