((((Draggers))))

quote:

there is no hope, i am invisible,unlovable and hurting

First things first. You are NOT invisible; we see you; and you are NOT unloveable; we all love you, and believe it or not right now; your T loves you too. I know it's hard to take that in at the moment, but she does.

I'm sure you won't mind me saying this on here; but I was privileged to read what you put in your card to your T and it was truly beautiful and it would have meant the world to her. I'm wondering if she didn't talk about it on purpose at the time you gave it to her BECAUSE it meant so much to her. Perhaps she needed time to take in all the lovely things you said to her and will thank you properly when you next see her. Please, please don't feel ashamed or stupid over giving it to her. It's NEVER wrong to express such heartfelt feelings to anyone. Is there any way you can contact her just to wish her a happy Christmas and say oh by the way, I hope you liked my card?

quote:

I could sit as a child in the room and be totally ignored all day at christmas

You and I both Draggers; and my sister as well for that matter; and you are right, it sucks big time.

quote:

In fact it was nothing to go weeks without anyone speaking to me

I can empathise fully with you there; not only as a kid; but in adult life as well for a long long time. That's just how life was for me also.

(((Draggers))) There IS hope; there is always hope. Please don't give your lovely T the power to spoil your Christmas; that's the last thing she would ever want to do; and I'm sure in your heart of hearts you know that to be true.




xxxxx

I really get how this is triggering and re-enacting all the childhood ignorance and neglect. We just have to trust that the long term and consistent therapy heals those wounds and reduces the pain.

I have no idea why your T wouldn't have mentioned the card and the words. I hope you are brave and can ask her when you see her.

I have always said that the only thing that keeps me going is hope.But what do you do when the person that gives you that hope is the one that is hurting you right now? where else does that hope come from? how can i hang onto the hope that therapy is right for me and is working and that one day i will be fixed?

Ok, OMG and wow. I have no words to add to your paragraph. None at all. Other than I feel that pain and echo those words from the bottom of my soul.

But we need to keep going. We have to hope. We have to trust.

SD

((Daggers)) I'm so sorry this process is so painful. I can understand how this must be ripping open old wounds I'm so sorry. But from what I've read about your therapy, your T cares about you deeply. It's so hard to put our trust in someone with no guarantees. I hope you know that you aren't invisible to me. Your presence on this forum is so appreciated. You're so kind. I hope you can bring this up with your T and let her explain her thinking to you. You are not alone in this ridiculous and painful process called therapy.

Draggers, You are not invisible to me.

Draggers, ditto

((DRAGGERS)) Trust me, you are "NOT" unlovable, or invisible! AV is correct when she said that we love you, and I also believe your T loves and cares about you. Sometimes when we are confronted with beautiful meaningful words, which have deep heartfelt meaning, especially from someone we care about, it can have a deep emotional effect, and we have to hold our emotions in check. I'm sure your T cares a lot about you, but I'm trying to put myself in her shoes, and I think I would have reacted the same way. Maybe if a client says these deep meaningful things, and especially if I knew they were true, I would have to hold tight onto my emotions, so I would not break down emotionally in front of the client, because if I were the T, I am suppose to be in control of my feelings so I can take good care of my client. I'm not saying T's don't get emotional, but their heartstrings can really be yanked on by Clients they really care about, and they are taught to be more in control of their feelings than we are.
Our T's have feelings like us, and many of them become T's because of all the pain they have gone through, and your T might have to have tight control of what she is feeling, especially so she can be thinking clearly at your session. I'd bet she re-read the card you gave her several times with deep felt emotion and tears when she was by herself. I hope I'm making sense, but I truly feel she cares a lot, that she had to try and distance her emotions at that moment. Hope this makes sense.

You are certainly NOT invisible Draggers I am sorry that what T is doing now, triggers harsh scenes from your childhood that feeling of being ignored is so hard BUT you are a strong adult now and you are important - both to your dear children and to us and other friends who value you. As is often the case on the forum it sadly seems, it is T that has messed up and not you; and my hunch is she will know that in her heart, because her behaviour was so out of character. I too read what you wrote to her and I don't think anybody could fail to be totally moved and warmed by what you wrote.

I think the trigger is that you made yourself vulnerable and it seemed to backfire. I think you were awesome to open up in the first place and write so freely and heartfeltly. Being true to yourself and what you feel is not a crime, but when you have had trauma and hurts I know how hard and what courage it takes even to open up a tincy bit

I think this is about her and her personal boundaries, it is just so hard it has come at this time when you can't go back for explanations. I am so sorry Draggers, I hate to hear you suffering.

Big hug,

fishy

I love you Draggers

thinking of you, draggers.

(((draggers)))

I really hurt to know that you've had to experience that type of pain in your past, and then feel the stinging effects of it now It is so unthinkable that anyone would treat you with anything but the kindness you deserve.

And you really do deserve the utmost respect and kindness. You are such a valuable member of this forum, and your love and beautiful soul comes shining through cyberspace... I can only imagine that IRL you must be a gem to all who are privileged to know you. I'm not just saying that, I truly can tell how much worth you have and thoughtfulness you show to others.

You have comforted me personally when I needed it most, and I know you were in a place of great pain yourself at the time. That's just one small example of how loving you are. And you are far, far, from invisible or unlovable yourself dear one.

Your pain runs very deep right now, but please hold onto hope. This is a painful time, and I am so saddened that what happened with T added to it, but in just the short time I've interacted with you, you have been such a beacon of strength and an obviously lovable person. For as much as your T has known you, she would be off her rocker to think any less.

I'm so sorry for your pain, keep holding on and taking one day at a time right now

((((((draggers)))))) you know that i know that you are awesome. you are as lovable as anybody can get. seriously

's Draggers

I hope you can find some peace in the next few days.

((((Draggers))))

quote:

i know that this is all stuff kicked up by my past,but right now ,it all feels very real and i'm hurting badly.

It shocks me how true this is, Draggers. No matter how much we know that our reactions are coming from our pasts, the pain in the present is totally real and awful. During my long rupture with my T this summer and fall, I felt like I was in a whirlpool, being dragged through the past, unable to control my pain and rage in the present. It felt like I would never be able to escape it. What made it all the more confusing was that my T really did screw up, just like your T really did screw up; I wasn’t imagining it all, it wasn’t “all transference”.

I’m sorry you’re hurting right now. I know how worthless I would feel if I took the huge risk to tell my T how I felt about him and my words were ignored. I feel like I don’t really have a “feel” for your T, so I can’t guess why she didn’t say anything about your card, but I’m pretty sure that she doesn’t get cards like that from most clients. I can’t imagine getting a card like that and just being blasé about it.

(((Draggers)))
Sorry to come so late to this! I am so sorry for your pain my dear, I find the boundaries especially difficult to contend with at Christmas time. Christmas does suck, because what we cannot have from our therapist's is SO evocative of that which we did not get from our parents. And the pain and shame will eat you alive and lie to you about who you are.

Shimmerwings, you are one of the loveliest people I have ever met, spreading care, compassion and love to everyone who comes in contact with you. The truth is that you never deserved the treatment your parents gave you. You deserved to be loved, honored and cherished in a way that taught you your true worth. A truth that shines like a beacon to the rest of us who know you.

But you didn't get that and it's an incredibly painful truth to live with. I believe your therapist truly loves and cares for you, but the boundaries are there to protect both of you while you do this work. You know how painful and damaging it can be if a therapist holds out the promise of providing something which is impossible to provide. So a good therapist draws these lines, but as you are feeling now (and myself also I may confess) this withholding is simply a repeat of the past bringing back the pain in vivid detail. But the (harsh) truth is that the witholding now is ABOUT your wellbeing and an expression of care, not indifference on the part of your T. She does not keep her distance because you do not matter, or thinks you do not deserve love, she does so because she knows that she needs to help you heal. THAT is what you need from her.

But I know it gets exhausting facing this pain.

I think it's lovely that you wrote to your T to explain what she has meant to you. I honestly don't think there is a gift that a therapist loves more. it is never a bad thing to express love and gratitude no matter how dangerous it feels for us.

And disruptions right before long breaks are the worst. I remember when the disruption happened around my heart box, I spent four long weeks truly believing that not only was the relationship destroyed with my T, it had never existed in the first place. But we worked through it. Please try to hang on until you can talk this through with your T. And take comfort here from so many who love you.

much love, AG

Dear ((((Dragglepuss)))) - sorry to be so late to this post also. Can't add anything of value to the great responses already provided other than to remind you how much you're loved and respected by all who know you. xx. Can't offer any explanation for your T's lack of response and also taking phone calls during your session but from what I know of her it's quite out of character. She does love and care for you and has proven that often even though something has gone pear-shaped - it's a problem of hers that has entered the room and impacted on you but is not a reflection on you or your relationship.

I so hope you can hear the validation of your huge worth all your friends here are offering.

s always.

Hi Draggers... I'm sorry you are in so much pain. I just wanted to say that you are not invisible to me and you are very much valued by me. You have been a source of strength for me when I have been struggling. You are always an inspiration and much loved on this board.

I hope things with your T work out when you see her again but I know the waiting can be agony. I'm sorry the timing was so bad for a disruption. I think it was beautiful that you wrote her a letter expressing your feelings. I know she appreciated it and was likely very touched.

Sending you hugs
TN

(((draggers)))
so sorry you are hurting so much... i dont know what to say to help, i just hope your T steps up and will be able to help you at your session next week. and if you dont want to email her and wait for a reply, could you email her a day before your session so she knows exactly what she did wrong and you two can address it in session without any further confusion?

gentle hugs,

puppet

Oh ((((Draggers)))) I'm sorry you felt you had to take that course of action. If you can, please let us know how your T responds.

xx

((((((draggers))))))

Oh I am sorry please keep us updated how you are and what she says if you feel up for it. sending gentle thoughts and hugs

(((((draggers)))) I am so sorry. Please look after you and keep posting here as we care about how you are.

(((((Draggers)))))

(((draggers)))

What matters is what's best for you, and whether that's a break or to stop with T, you have my full support for your decision. This is a very personal journey and you have to do what your heart tells you each step of the way it may be a different direction. Keep hanging in there draggers

(and you always deserve hugs!!!)

((((DRAGGERS))))

Thinking of you during this difficult time. Sometimes taking a break is a sign of growth. That you have the security to walk away. That's something I haven't been able to do. I'm terrified that my T wouldn't take me back even though he reassures me otherwise. So I do so it as a strength in you - to recognize where you are at right now as hard as it is.

Sorry Drags. So Sorry for this stuff. I am experiencing the same thing right now. My T was very quick to let me go and I wasn't even terminating her! I am reassessing my future with therapy.

When I get like this and cancel with T, she also keeps my session for me. Every time I have gone to that session, we do different things, sometimes walking, mostly NON-therapy related, just to be in each other's space. The silences makes my T uncomfortable - it doesn't bother me. Maybe just keep your options open? Give it some time for things to settle. Altho I am the last person to take advice from right now as I am mixed up.
SD

(((Draggers))) Sometimes a break can allow us to catch our breath and rest a bit. This is demanding, painful work and it's important to take care of ourselves. You're pretty clear about the truth which is that your T is a loving, caring ethical woman but also human and she stuffed up. Even the best one's do. But that doesn't mean that the relationship has to be over or that all the good disappears. I know it feels impossible to repair but it really isn't (I thought there was no way to come back from the incident with the heart box, I truly thought it was over, but we did repair it and the trust has gone even deeper). So take some rest from the pain and the intensity, but remember that she is there and you can go back whenever you're ready. And we're here anytime you want to drop by.

much love, AG

(((draggers)))
good on you for making a decision for yourself but i'm sorry you're so exhausted and hurt. thinking of you...

puppet

Just wanted to offer some 's

Jillann

Hi Draggers ((((hugs))))
I'm sorry to see you in such pain. You did an incredibly brave thing by sharing your feelings and thoughts with your T.

I don't doubt that there is healing in therapy or in sharing your experiences with other people; I think it's part of our natural human connection. But I DO think the way "therapy" is structured is not helpful in the long run. The imbalance of the relationship that places us in a dependent role but without the love, tenderness, or nurturing we lacked in our other dependent roles (namely childhood). And a single therapist just doesn't seem like they can fit their roles adequately.

I don't know if therapy will be a "fix" but maybe your T is broken in her own way.

I wish I had more soothing words. I apologize, I'm a bit rusty these days.

((DRAGGERS)) I really think you are so strong and brave to make the decision that you did. You are the only one who truly knows what is best for yourself, even your T doesn't know that as well as you. You made a strong bold step to quit, and it obviously was the right thing for you to do. Sometimes as hard as it is, you just know when its the right time to participate in making your own decision, on what is the best thing for yourself. Just know that we are here for you, and we are praising your strong decision to help yourself, but also know there is never anything wrong with changing up your decision, if you need to do that as well. Keep sharing with us so we know you are ok.XXXOOO

((((draggers)))) I'm sorry that wasn't the news you were expecting But I'm so proud of you for speaking with P about your feelings and glad he was so understanding. Will be thinking of you as you speak with T again and wishing the best for smoother sailing with her!

Hi ((((Draggers)))) Well done you Your P must be very proud of the way you approached this situation - he sounds very caring of you and I like his comments about gently having a chat with your T. You work so hard it's no surprise you need a break and I love how he understands!! Hope your next visit with T goes okay - you've both been so good together I'd be surprised if it didn't work out!

Go gently - love Morgs xx

((( Draggers )))