I've been going through so many changes in my relationship with my T and I thought it might help to describe them and get some feedback from you wise ones.

About 3 months ago when I was talking about some horrible thing from my childhood I looked up and my T looked so sad I thought he cared about me. I was instantly freaked and told a horrible story about myself which didn't affect him. Later we tried to talk about it in person and in email but I am still having trouble processsing it. I know that my T cares about people in general but I don't think he cares about "me" if that makes sense (but I've never told him that).

Since then I've had a lot of trouble looking at him during my sessions and when I cry which I do almost endlessly I cover my face and close my eyes. He keeps asking me what I'm hiding from but I don't answer. I know one thing I am avoiding is seeing him looking that way again.

Three weeks ago (just before my 2 week vacation) I told him it felt wrong to cry in front of him and that it had felt more wrong since the session that I noticed his "look/sadness/caring". I record my sessions (with his permission) and when I listened to the session on my vacation I discovered that when I thought I had said that "it felt wrong to cry in front of someone who cares about me" what I actually said was "it felt wrong to cry in front of someone I care about". I was stunned. I admitted to him before even myself that I cared about him. He responded immediately that I didn't get to pick his reaction, that I wasn't in control of others feelings, and that being in relationships meant that feelings positive and negative would occur.

Now I've had one session where I didn't bring it up and we discussed why it is difficult for me to express emotions. I'm still amazed that I care about him. I don't even now how to describe my feelings for him. They are not romantic or erotic but I look forward to seeing him (right up until the day of the appt and then I get nervous), wish I could tell him things, and I've even called him to talk to him without being in extreme distress. Over the last couple months I've stopped worrying that he's about to terminate me as a client every session or obsessing when he doesn't answer an Email right away. I know he'll get back to me when he can. I keep telling him I don't trust him when obviously in many ways I do.

Do you think when I looked at him and thought he cared about me that I was projecting my feelings for him? Should I try and discuss it with him? I am worried that if I start this discussion he will think I'm too attached to him or attached in an unhealthy way and want to terminate our relationship. I've talked to my husband about it and he's been completely supportive even suggesting I drive 3 hours home from our vacation to have a session if I needed to work things out (which I didn't).

I feel differently than I have for most of the 16 months I've been seeing my T.