hey

I'm sorry I went m.i.a. w/o saying anything.

Stuff happened and I think I regressed or something (I dunno - that's what my T says - and she says she doesn't think it's happened before). The last month (?) is a blur. I remember most of it but can't put it into words, not even to myself. When I try to - I'm a mess of uncontrollable tears and anger. So I'm waiting... and getting there... better each day.

Thank you to those that messaged me - it was a good reminder and check in for me. thank you so much. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to respond...

I've lost my words... but I'm here and ok.

and I still have my T, my mom, and my time in equine assisted therapy every week too.

My time with the horses has been so amazing. It's been the one place where losing all words hasn't mattered at all. We communicate anyhow. It's the one place where I seem to be able to let myself feel anything and somehow, it doesn't all run away with me.

I'm so exhausted. I just want to be better. I just want... I don't even know what anymore.

jane