My regular T is on an extended vacation, and I had a disaterous experience with temporary T that regular T wanted me to at least "check-in with" once a week while she was gone. I feel like I need to process a bit what temp T said and did (but not the worst part). I am trying to consider it in small aprts. Maybe that is a bad idea... not sure how else to try... and just wanted to post here just because it is all swimming around in my brain...

I told temp T, "this is not working. I very quickly feel awfully invalidated and incompetent every time I talk to you. I don't feel like any skills coaching is happening either like (reg T) said you would focus on."

Her response was, "I'm sorry you feel that way. I don't feel that way."

Then she didn't say anything else. After about 30 seconds of silence, I said, "um well I'd like to problem solve this and have a plan in place or something. You are not following the plan we had set up with (regular T)."

"I"m sorry you feel that way, but I am following the plan."

Then more silence. Somehow, I found her saying, "Sorry you feel that way, I don't" .... followed by a total lack of explaination... just awful... in a deadpan flat manner.

My reg T is not a 100% blank slate T... but is very steady and if I said, this isn't working - if she disagreed, she would say, "I'm following the plan by doing xyz." Or would ask what part I felt she wasn't following or something...

I didn't expect this T to be like my T, but it was so hard to talk at all, and her "I'm sorry you fee that way" felt awful. Invalidating. Like it would have been more validating if she could have skipped that and went right to - I disagree and WHY or something...

I noticed I was getting more tense and I was about to launch into saying everything that was not according to the plan we set up with reg T before she left... but instantly got worried she would just say I was wrong on anything and everything I said without saying anything more... so I tried to attempt a place of agreement or feeling like I could even say anything she would agree with.

So I responded by asking her, "what is something I've said that she has agreed with or something I could say that she would agree with?"

"I think you are pretty."

I started to get upset when she said this. It was so irrelevant...


I recorded the conversation with her (she knew and said it was ok) and it was in person in her office.

I look back at this, and really, just this part wasn't awful. It wasn't helpful... but it started with me feeling and saying I felt invalidated, and incompetent when I talk with her... and that feeling just got worse. Maybe this is just a really different style of therapy? (One that doesn't work for me, but does for others?) Or maybe she just hit a really sore trigger spot in me with all the "I'm sorry you feel that way"?

Does anyone see another way for me too look at this one part of the interaction other than being annoyed and feeling like... well, invalidated?


I'm not going to be talking with this T again (the ineraction ended badly, and she turned out to be just an awfl T in general) so I'm no trying to figure it out to make it work, but just trying to sort it out if there is another way to look at it.


My reg T told me she trusted this T very much, and that she is very skilled at DBT style therapy. So the plan basically involved checking in and doing any DBT skills kind of coaching. Dang, I miss reg T.

~ jane