Katskills

I hear ya! I have my last appt. today and I'm already worried about the next two weeks. And I haven't even seen her yet today! I wonder if I will spend the whole session worrying bout next week and not being present today. I hope not, because then I will come away thinking that I wasted my money today and I'll be mad at myself.

I'm counting on everyone here to get me through the rough days ahead. I hope you can count on all of us too.
we will make it, one day at a time.

PL

Kats... I know how you feel. When our emotions are churning around is when we need our T's calming presence the most. I think it's very good that you can hear her voice... that means you have internalized her to some extent. You can carry her with you. Focus on that and on the good things she has taught you. Working on you with the skills she has taught you is a good way to pay homage to her work with you. Think of it as a way of honoring the relationship. I know we here can't really replace your T in your life but perhaps spending time here commiserating with the rest of us who miss their T's at this holiday will help you to feel better.

I think PL has it right...let's all just take one day at a time. That makes it seem more manageable than taking the "long view" of having to go 2 weeks before seeing her again. I won't see my T until the 29th again. Luckily I have a few voice mails to listen to when things get icky and he has told me I can email him if I need to. That helps.

Good luck to all of us.

TN

One day down...

I can relate to the comfort you feel when you think about your T. I do it all the time.

Just think how lucky you are to have a T special enough that you miss her. It's a good thing.

OW

I'm having my last appt with my T today before the Christmas break, so I'll be adding more to this later.

I miss my T today. I feel somewhat empty inside. I know it is suppose to be a joyous day, but I am rather sad. I guess I miss T so much because of the connection and I actually felt close to her.

After sharing so much of myself it is hard to go through this day feeling like a stranger amongst the folks around me.

Guess I am just in one of those moods. The good thing is at least I am having a feeling today.

Merry Christmas to all.

Kats

(((Kats)))
I'm sorry that you are missing your T too, but you're right it's good that you are having a "feeling day." Your saying that makes me realize it's because we know we are safe enough to feel with them even when the feellings are an aching and longing to be near them. At least I find some solace in that since you put it that way. And we all have each other. I've always noticed that, but especially lately I am moved by all the activity around here, checking in even w/o posting to be near one another I guess. Like you said it's supposed to be a joyous day, but I think there are mixed emotions that go along with it.

I can't help but to think of all my friends in my community and wish you all warmth and healing despite the difficulties the holidays bring.

I miss my T too and wonder how she is doing over her holiday.

JM

I can't help but wonder if my T actually has the scarf I made and lent to her over the break.... last night it occurred to me that she could have just left it in a drawer in her office and I'd never know. Thinking this made me so sad I cried. What is this crazy obsession? Why do I give her so much power? Why don't I seem to have any control over how I feel about her?

I guess I go back and forth in my acceptance of my feelings for T. I guess I just really want them to not be so strong. I have renewed compassion for my 5 yr old when she gets clingy. Unfortunately I actually do understand how she feels.

Kats - I'm sorry you are sad but encouraged because you can see a good side to it. I have been only consciously feeling my feeling for less than a year and sometimes I miss being numb. Fortunately I usually don't miss it for long. Depression hurt way worse. I hope you can find some great distracting activities tomorrow. I've picked up a pulp fiction novel and am enjoying thinking about someone else's problems for a change.

JM - Yes this is a great community. I check in every chance I can - when my daughter will let me have more than 5 min on the computer that is. Missing T sucks, I am glad we have a place we can complain about that as much as we need to. :>

I miss my T and have soooo....... much to tell her. Mainly because it has been a week and also because of the holidays bringing up so many emotions. I have to wait until Wednesday though. I feel as though I won't make it, but I know I have to. I have been journaling each day and I plan to send it to her before I see her. This is the only way I can get all of these thoughts out of my head, but also it is a good way to let her know what I am thinking without having to tell her. Ok, so I cheat! She will eventually get me to talk about all of it in due time. I just feel better knowing that I have it on paper and don't have to keep remembering what I want to tell her. Although, I've had some pretty deep, risky thoughts and I am a little afraid to send it to her. I have told myself I will though, so once it is in the mailbox there is no taking it away. It makes me very anxious on the day that I see her though.

I agree with JM and River, this is an amazing and very comforting community. I'm glad I have joined.

OW - thanks for giving me the nudge on the day you joined!

PL

I'm missing my T too. And I'm so glad that I have a place where I can say that and everyone shakes their head in understanding. That is immensely comforting. And so... yes I miss him. I have re-read his last email a few times over these 2 days and I have listened to his VM once or twice. Hearing his calm voice helps me and makes me feel calm too.

I don't know if I told you all that I finally gave in and emailed him asking about how he is doing since having his surgery. (As I may have mentioned here a few times that I was scared about this) He responded in less than a day that he was really doing fine and that I should relax and enjoy the holidays and he will see me on Monday. The sense of relief that I found in that email cannot be measured. It was priceless. And so I want to thank all of you who offered support and made me laugh with visions of him sitting up during surgery to take my call . Humor goes a long way in soothing frazzled nerves.

I welcome the recent members who started posting. It is all of us who make this Board what it is and each one of us makes us all stronger together. I'm glad that I found my way here (thanks AG) and have enjoyed being a part of the conversation.

TN

I hope everyone is having a good Christmas. I miss my T too and it's only been 2 days. I envy those of you who are seeing T next week because I won't see him for 13 days. not that I'm counting obsessively LOL.

TN, I'm glad your T responded and his surgery went well.