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I need perspective

T tasMember
My therapist said something to me that I did not particularly like and I thought it bordered on cruel.

Conversation went like this:

T: I am going to say something and it will probably piss you off.

Me: Then why say it?

T: You need to hear it.

T: You have hurt your girls.

So, why would someone say something to you if they knew it would piss you off? That is callous and cruel. Business relationship or friendship...you don't say something to make someone angry if you know it will.

I understand that sometimes things need to be said but he knows how I feel about my girls. I felt like he he may as well have went for the jugular.

Then this past session he said no more texting. I have been texting him for six months and he wants me to go cold turkey? He said I could still touch base with him but there was hesitation in his voice when he said that and I haven't because I felt he really didn't want me to.

I don't know. I have asked for two referrals and he said I would need to come to the appt. to get them. Why can't he give them to me by phone?

I feel at this point I can't even see straight. I feel that it was a very mean thing to say and am having a hard time understanding where he is coming from.
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F fawn (Guest)
TAS, ive learned those who care about
us are honest even if it makes us mad.

Maybe you were in denial or using sone other
defense mechanism, and he was addressing it so
that you stop using it?

Sometimes we can acknowlege somethinf
but only halfway. Like in thought but not in
feeling. Undoing the defense integrates those
2 states so that you can see things more
clearly. Maybe you were splitting,
only seeing the good mom parts of you
while disavowing the bad? Or were you possibly rationalizing
that they were not hurt because of x, y, or z?

Every human being is capable of hurting people
at one time or another.

The unconscious defense must be removed.
before we can accept the bad parts of our lives.

Once we can accept everything that has happened
along the way, now we can accept ourselves in totality.

But things must be felt all the way through before
we can accept them. Defense mechanisms can make
part of it true, distorting the other
part of it.

Its quite normal for patients to be mad
or dysregulated when defenses are addressed.

My other hypothesis is that he was being
sadistic or frustrated. But he always sounds
like a good therapist from what you say.
T tasMember
Thank you Fawn Smiler

I am trying to clear my head and be objective about this. I know he has a job to do.

I think one of the reasons it bothered me because what has happened was not of my doing. I have explained this over and over to him...it's not like I woke up one day and say, "I think I will withdraw into my own world."

I am hoping that I can see it in a different way by the next time we meet.

Thank you for chiming in...I appreciate it Fawn Smiler

T.
B born2writeMember
Not sure if my answer is the correct answer - just a thought maybe or something to consider?

Could it be that he wants you to acknowledge something and go and explain yourself to your "girls" and ask for their forgiveness? There is a lot of healing in forgiveness for all the parties concerned.

Like I said it is just a thought, so don't take offense because I don't know the situation.

B2W
L lieseMember
TAS,

The same could be said for me. I know I'm withdrawn and not always emotionally present with my kids. If the remark was intended to make you feel like crap, then ??? what kind of therapy is that? If it was intended to perhaps motivate you, well, then, maybe I can forgive it but it was still a crappy thing to say.

I'd feel awful if my T said something like that to me.

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