(((((GRANITE)))))

I don't know what to say except I'm sorry. You are there for help. There's no pressure on you to give. She's supposed to help you. Have you thought about looking around to see if you could find someone you might be more comfortable with?

Hey Granite

Contact another T immediately and get an appointment and go and see them - do this before you think too much about this T. Your therapy does NOT have to be like this. You do have control - you have all the control and you don't have to go back.

I am not sure why your T does what she does. She seems very naive to me. "Give them space and they will talk". NO - you give me space and I will dissociate and be traumatised. I have been able to tell my T this - but I really get that it is difficult for you to express yourself and feel safe about it, so it always falls back on the T's to manage the process.

I just can't see how your T thinks your therapy process is working with the approach she is taking.

Go find another T and sit with them and see how you feel - it has to be better than this.

SD

granite, i'm so sorry! can i say some things? i just with you weren't so gosh-darn hard on yourself. you are so NOT a waste of space ANYWHERE! you're NOT! i wish you could believe it.

i think i know what you mean about having control. like, you come week after week after week of expecting that FINALLY, miraculously you'll be able to do what you think you need to do, only to flop again. i know that feeling all too well. i feel like a snail every time i go. but i still go, and you still go. that says so much right there. do you KNOW she is frustrated and doesn't want to help anymore, or is that just what you expect because of your past experiences? has she actually told you that? from where i sit, when she said "this isn't the way to do this, that you should come back next week to talk about it" to me it sounds like the opposite of what you are thinking. it sounds to me like she is reaching out to you, that she doesn't want you to give up.

and granite, YOU deserve better. you deserve a better life. you deserve to overcome what has overcome you, you know? and that's what our Ts are there for. that's what they're in business to do. you deserve to realize that your T is holding strong for you. she is there for you, not because she has to, but from what i read she wants you to continue because she sees worth in you.

granite, i really hope you reconsider. i really hope you continue with your T. but if you don't, that's ok too. no matter, you're always welcome here. hugs ((( granite )))

((Granite)) I'm so very sorry. You know, I think it's been referenced a million times on here on a million different threads, but AG told this story one time about a client that her T had who didn't say anything (literally) for a year, but her T stuck with her through all of that time and they both ended up learning positive things about each other. That's the kind of T you deserve - one who is patient and kind and understanding of wherever you might be. And they do exist, Granite. My T is wonderful and so are many others. Sometimes it just takes a bit of searching, but you deserve it, and you owe it to yourself to find a T who can help and support you.

(((((Granite))))))

Granite I didn't speak for such a long time when I started therapy, I think for at least 18 months I could barely string a sentence together the whole session. But for some reason I kept going back to see my T and now I am so glad I did.

My T was so patient with me, a lot of the time she would just sit with me or ask me if I could say one word to describe how I was feeling. It was hard and it is still hard for me but I am so much better than I was.

I think for me I was terrified that I would be hurt, didn't believe my T cared or was interested in what I had to say.

I used to lay on the settee so overwhelmed with anxiety, struggling to control my breathing and would wonder why I am putting myself through this time and time again.

I just wanted to say it does get better and I know it was worth the struggle I went through to get to where I am today x

Luci

((((Granite))))

I too was a no-speaker - almost a year really of saying a few words only. I kept going back cos something told me that T was right for me. Things only changed when I finally learnt to trust her and she realised that silence was triggereing for me because I told her so. Now she allows shortish silences, but the is truly never any discomfort in them. It took a while.

Granite, you have nothing to lose here as you have said you are not coming back so you have that option to fall back on, but what about writing down how you feel and giving it to her? You are very articulate here, so I wonder if she would understand more if you maybe could tell her in another way.

This is not you at fault so you have no reason to blame yourself; from the replies here it's a common problem so please granite don't think you have done anything wrong in session.

Take care,

starfishy

((((Granite)))),

I used to find it really hard to speak when I was in therapy and I can understand why you would want to leave if it is leaving you feeling as miserable as you are. I know you have said in the past that you are not allowed to have written communication with her anymore but I wonder if she would accept this knowing that it is a last resort for you?

I also think that it may be worth looking around to see if there is someone else who you may be able to open up with, I do understand that you get on really well with this T but it may just be useful to see if the same thing occurs with other T's.

It is not about her deserving better Granite it is about you receiving the help and support that you deserve and whilst I don't think your T is wrong in they way she lets you be in your silence, I do think that maybe this approach isn't working for you. I am sorry this is so hard.

Hugs
Butterfly

Granite -

Like so many others, I barely spoke in session for the first 6 months. And most of the time, I would hide. T would ask me a few questions, maybe just how I was feeling and if I still couldn't talk, she would ask if it was ok to touch me and then she would rub my back. Sometimes, that helped me to open up, but sometimes not. And it was ok to just sit in the silence with her, even though it was uncomfortable. I think I read in this thread that your T does not allow written communication? I really feel like being able to email is extremely healthy, especially in a situation like yours. My T encourages me to journal and I send it all to her and then we talk about it in session. Can you write a letter to your T about this silence? Tell her how you feel in writing? If she literally won't accept a letter, then I definatley think you need to find a new T. You deserve to heal. What you are experiencing is completely normal. And in fact, part of the process. Please don't give up, weather its with this T or a new T b/c in the end, it will keep creeping up and hurting you in other ways.

(((((( Granite )))))) I am so sorry you had such a terrible time in session that you told your T you quit.

Like others who've replied, I tend to think that maybe this T isn't the best T to help you, if she's not prepared to pitch in and help you deal with feeling like you can't talk and letting the silences drag on and on. I know you've been having this issue with her for a long time, though it seems like there are times when she does come up with things to do that help you express yourself and feel a bit safer. Generally though it sounds like her habit of allowing the silence to drag is making you feel worse and more and more unsafe over time, instead of your feeling more secure and trusting.

Do you think you could go back to see her and tell her this, tell her why you want to quit and see if she doesn't finally understand that the silences are just not therapeutic to you? You've invested a lot of time and effort in this therapy, it might be worth giving it another go and really making an effort to show her what you need from her. I remember you used to write to her until she stopped that, do you think she would reconsider letting you write what you think and how you feel? Just throwing out ideas here...

I hope you are feeling better today Granite.

LL

Well their is not much I can say that the others above me have not said.
Its very true sometimes we get saddled with a T that in our mind could not care less for us. They sit their ask one or two questions make a note in your file wright out a new prescription for meds and send you on your way.
Not talking to T is something they should be prepared for and if they do not respond usefully then you must think off what well happen if you keep going to the same one. Starting anew is sometimes all we can do.
All the best now.
ND

Hey Granite,

Just checking in. Have you talked to T again? Or a new T? I hope your ok.

Thanks for all this support. I just don’t know what to think .I told my T in person that I wasn't coming back .I then sent her an e-mail that night saying the same thing. I thought that would be enough. But then yesterday I got a call from her sectary saying I have an appointment with her today at 5. It sent me into a complete spiral. I sent her this e-mail (I know I’m not allowed)

Now I am completely confused. Why didn't you take me off the call list? I said I couldn't come back in person and in an e-mail. Good or bad I came to terms with it. Now I am angry and confused. I hope it is because you had not seen my e-mail. Anyway I will see you tomorrow I know it is the right thing to do. Because I have no idea what I want maybe I can figure it out.

About 1 min after I sent her this e-mail she called me herself didn’t ask for a call or anything, she made sure I knew she has not read the e-mail I sent her and that her calling was not to respond to the e mail. No kidding I had just sent it and god forbid she respond to an e-mail, anyway she said that she was looking forward to seeing me and that she hopes I show up .but she doesn't want to talk about this on the phone. THEN WHY CALL .I am scared to go again all she is going to do is lecture me about my e-mail and so on I know I am going to be dealing with my BOOTCAMP T.i just need someone to tell me it is going to be ok

((((Garanite1)))),
sorry to hear you`re so angry and confused about all this.
Fwiw I think it will be a good idea to go see your T and talk this through with her - at least one more time. You said yourself you know it`s the right thing to do, so stick to that. You will figure out what to do. Quitting in this "state" sounds more harmful than helpful, to me anyway. Your T holding on to you and not letting you go that easaly tells me she cares about you and won`t give up on you, like you thought because your lack of words.
I am a bit concerned that you will leave her because you feel that you`re a burden to her when being silent in the sessions. *IF* that`s the case it`s not really for your own sake you`re ending the treatmet, is it?

Anwyway, i may be totally off here. I wish you all the best with the session tomorrow. Le tus know how it went, if you want to. Hope you will get some ease...