BW,
I can completely understand, if there's one thing you need a therapist to be it's responsive. And you have sounded frustrated all along with this therapist. Its probably better not to waste too much time and effort on a relationship that isn't a good match. Time to look again, the right one is out there, you just need to find them. I don't think its all just missing Holly. I know I had an excellent relationship with my first T, and did a lot of good work with her over the years, I was devastated when she said she was quitting. I thought I would never find anyone like her. I didn't, but I found someone just as good in a different way and am doing work with him that I didn't do with my first T. But it took a while to get there with him. Don't give up hope. And in the mean time, you can blow off steam here although I know its not as good as talking to someone flesh and blood. And sorry about the guy (who obviously has bad taste ) that's always tough to handle. Sending good thoughts your way, wish I could do more.

AG

sounds like a tough situation. I think you need to talk it over with her. Hopefully she will call! Maybe it's time to find anew T, what we say here is 'slow it down"... don't make any decisions when you are angry.

Robin

how'd it go BW?

Scott

she called me... it was weird..
she said she respected my decision... she's glad I was assertive and let my feelings beknown and that she was sorry things didnt work out. She told me about the current groups they have to see if I was interested. She said sshe will let my psychiatrist know to keep an eye on me. I asked her about my book she has and she said she will give it to my spsychiatrist to give to me. She was nice but didn't like ask anything nor offer any explantion as to why she didnt call.

Honestly, im REALLY surprised that she didn't make sure I was okay given how depressed Ive been, discouiraged nad overwhelmed. I also thought she would ask me to come in possibly one more time for a closure meeting.... i dont know.

her responde made me feel even more justufied about my decision but I feel sad because I almost feel like she didn't really care...

I also think its kinda irresponsible that she didn't check in on me in terms of the impulsiveness of the decision and my depression. I know im okay right now but if someone did this to me, I would think could they possibly be suicidal and cutting off relations? Maybe thats just because I have heard of stuff like that before.

I pl;an to call her supervisor just to ask what to do in terms of if i really need someone to talk to and possibly give feedback about my exp. with adrine if she asks.

I'm feeling really Alone right now and sad and tired. Just to make things worse, my back is out once again. I moved a matress less than an inch as I was pulling the sheets tighter and my back flared up where it was hurting me back in November. It feels like a huge knotted rock is in my low side back and it hurts to take deep breaths, hiccup, cough, or make any other movements that interact with that area. Turning in bed is heck.

I can't see adoctor right now with my imsurance crap and I have been taking less of my pain meds to stretch things out so im utterly frustrated... even anngry. Im really hating just about everything right now.... dont know how much more i can takE!!

thanks for asking what happpeend...

sounds like your T didn't handle it well, in my opinion, it's always important to have a follow-up and NOT quit on the phone! weird. hope you feel better soon. If we can do anything, you got our IM.

Robin/Scott

shrinklady??

Not sure if you want to say anything but im curious about your opinion about this.

Do you think it was odd for her to respond to me like this.. via phone? or not?

I know you don't have the whole situation, etc but looking for more info...

i plan to call the supervisor but its always good to know that I'm not overreacting or something..... i did think it was odd but how am I to know... maybe it isnt...

BW,
FWIW, I agree with Robin/Scott, I don't think your T handled that too well. I think at least one appt to process what happened would have been warrented. You would think, if nothing else, she'd want to know what happened so she could do better next time. But I think she should have been more concerned about you. Its not a small step to quit a therapist and it just seems like a therapist should understand the need to process. So I don't think you're overreacting. Hang in there.

AG

thanks for the input.

Oh well.. such is life.... lolol....

I hope that when i call the supervisor, that she asks me more about it. I sorta don't want to just offer up my opinion because I don't know if they are defensive for their therapists and so if she doesn't ask, I think I will not say anything about it....

I hate not knowing for sure whats best. I guess I worry that if i say something negative aboyut her, that 9it will be useds against me or that my word doesnt mean much since I'm 'just a patient'

Hi Butterfly, I'm now just reading your post. So sorry to hear what happened.

Yes, it does sound like this therapist might not have been right for you...your relationship with her sounded so distant whenever you've mentioned her here in the forum. I agree with Attachment Girl...I don't think this is about your closeness to Holly. We can get attached to a lot of people and therapists are no exception. Each attachment we form will be different of course...but the connections where you feel safe are best. It didn't sound like this therapist was able to give you that safety. I wonder if it's maybe because she wasn't meeting you half way? ...not an easy question and one only the two of you could probably answer.

It sometimes isn't that a therapist doesn't care. This therapist may care very deeply. It's that some therapists have a limited capacity to bring their heart into their work. And, in my view unless they've done a chunk of their own work, it's unfortunately going to stay that way.

I think some therapists end up "hiding" a little behind "being the expert". That is, she'll get you to fill out these CBT forms and in her mind, she's helping you because she's read the research that says it should help. That this task doesn't resonate for you may not even occur to her to question because she might feel she has no choice over that. Our challenge of course is to bring this into the work but that's often easier said then done.

Many therapists might agree with the statement that the relationship counts in therapy but putting this into practice is another matter. The fact that there was so little discussion over your decision was just an indication that the connection between you wasn't strong enough.

Work in therapy is sometimes really tough. You want to know your therapist will go the distance with you. You were absolutely right to wonder why she hadn't explored this sudden decision with you. If a good friend of mine made a decision like this, I'd want to know why.

To say something in her defense. This therapist might have felt that to ask any questions may have put undue pressure on you. I must confess, in the past if I didn't feel there was sufficient connection between me and a client I have hesitated to question their motives. It all depends on how long I have spent with the cleint and the connection between us.

Even so, I can certainly understand why you might question her response. I think it's a good idea to talk to the supervisor. There are no guarantees though but you might feel better in taking that extra step to get some closure on this.

Hope you feel better BW.

My thoughts are with you,

Shrinklady

Hi Butterfly Warrior, there are two issues here. One is the relationship and I think I covered some of that above. The other is clinical practice. There are some important questions around clinical practice that weren't addressed.

With this much emotion involved in ending therapy, it is almost a given that the therapist provide a means to process this. You deserved at minimum another session to have a look at what happened...and to decide what the next thing might be.

For instance, there wasn't any room for you to say how you felt about the suggestion she made about seeing a group. This isn't something for the phone. The way you described it felt a bit rushed--even though she may not have meant it this way. You can't really settle into your feelings in this way.

It might be that the supervisor will make the suggestion of another session. This could help you to have more closure on it.

Hope you're feeling better,

Shrinklady

Shrinklady-

Thank you for your feedback and best of all, validation.

I feel a lot better in general about my decision even though ZI dont quite understand what happened and I wish she had asked me more but what can I do... lol

I do plan to call the supervisor and just see what happens but I think Im getting over it....

thanks again..

BW