Hi Daisy

I think sometimes giving the message of quitting is a sign of a need for something. Not always, but maybe the message that needed to be given was 'I need reassurance' or 'Where am I going with all this work, I'm not sure if it's worth it anymore'. It sounds like that may have been what you were hoping and looking for, but I'm not sure. If your T had said he hoped you would stay, would you have stayed? If the answer is yes, then what you said may have needed to be asking for something else.

I hope you can continue to go to sessions, if only to discuss how much it hurt not to have him come after you. Ts are unfortunately supportive of our choices, and many times do not want to instill in us a passive way to ask for what we may want or need. Again, I'm not sure if that resonates for you.

If you really do want to quit sometimes a termination session can help, so I've read/heard. It can give a chance to give meaning to your therapy experience and review accomplishments. I don't think a good T thinks to themselves "oh well, on to the next one" after such a long time forging a relationship. They may wonder what went wrong, or what the feelings may have been for terminating (some clients come back, and having that info written down can sometimes be a good place to start back up again).

I'm sorry this is so difficult.

Most T's won't argue with a client who wants to quit. The reason is not because they don't care, but because to not respect that decision would be effectively to say "you are not an adult; I know what you need better than you do" or "I think you can't survive without me" or even "it's not OK for you to hurt my feelings by leaving."

It does seem like you were wanting reassurance and encouragement more than to end therapy. If that's true, I hope you'll go back and discuss that with him.

Daisy,

I'm new to this forum, but I wanted to just say that I understand how you feel and would probably have the same feelings your experiencing after terminating. It's similar to breaking up with a boy/girlfriend and being disappointed that they didn't try to convince you to stay. I'd make an appointment to discuss this with your therapist, I'm sure it would be fine to do so.
Good luck,
Lola

Catalyst, BLT, red tomato and lola1970 thank you for your replies and understanding.

quote:

Originally posted by BLT:

It does seem like you were wanting reassurance and encouragement more than to end therapy. If that's true, I hope you'll go back and discuss that with him.

I think you hit the nail on the head, once I got the reply saying he would honour my decision I realised that it wasn't really about ending therapy.

I sent him another email saying that after my last session I felt like a failure and wanted to push him away and that quitting seemed like the easiest option but now that I've thought about it I don't think leaving is the right decision and that I'd attend our scheduled appointment this week to talk about it.

I sent that email yesterday evening and I haven't had a reply (it's now 5pm here so towards the end of his working day) and I'm freaking out. Now maybe its just that my email saying I was coming this week didn't warrant a response but all I can think about is that he won't want to work with me as I'm obviously not committed. What if terminates me now and it would be all my own fault.

Daisy

So he's just sent me a message saying that it would be a good idea for me to bring to our next session the notes I've made in order to review them (he knows I keep notes of all our sessions).

That sounds like a review so that we can have an end session to me. What, after all of this he decides to terminate me? I don't think I can stand that and it would be all my own fault.