That is how I feel sometimes, but Anon, neglect is a form of abuse. That is what I apparently had (can't come to terms that it happened and was not just a part of my "normal life"), emotional neglect. Coming to terms and accepting it are the most difficult things and my T is always trying to tell me, "have you not understood yet how your past has made you what you are?"

((anon)) i can understand how you felt afterwards, as i would feel the same way, but it was not a lie! i think you were brave to speak the truth, it was a spontaneous truth that you know in yourself, but i can imagine it is still so scary to say in front of others. i hope you will eventually be able to feel proud of yourself. it was a risk that you took, but a good decision because you said it to kind people, so again you should be proud of yourself for that!

i also feel confused about what happened to me. i've been able to say 'neglect' but not 'abuse', i just dont know what fits that definition, although if this was about someone else i would say that they were abused.

i totally relate but i think you did well!

puppet

When I first shared with Sweet T about abuse, then recanted, because I told him I was not sure if it really happened....maybe I made it up... His response (validating in an offhanded way) "That's classic!" People who were abused do not make that shit up, why would they?" And denying that it happened is a common response for victoms of abuse...according to him.

(((ANON)))

I am just starting to be able to feel anger about how I was treated by my mother and how I am still treated. It's a very threatening emotion to feel because it has the potential to push people away and that is the last thing our child parts want to do. It's a process. You let yourself utter the word and it will slowly seep into your consciousness until you are able to handle feeling the anger.

Sorry About the triggering event. Who would have guessed people like that would show up at your door? I've never had anyone like they show up at my door.

(((scars))) Thanks for validating that even if it's only the very basic stuff I'm sure about, I didn't lie. I think you hit on a real central feature in that...that whole toxic environment was just normal to me. To the point where I used to overshare without thinking and learned not to, because people would be kind of aghast. I wasn't allowed a lot of time to have friends outside of home, especially once my younger siblings came, so for a long time, I had very little to compare it to. It was just...my normal.

(((puppet))) Thanks for thinking I'm brave. I can't feel proud yet. All I can think about is if family members heard me say those words, even though I would readily apply them to how they grew up too, they would say I was lying or exaggerating. It feels like it doesn't get to be true, because no one who was there will accept it. That's a huge struggle of mine. I don't even want to talk to them about it, but I also don't want to be scared all the time that someone might hear or see something somewhere and then entirely invalidate my experience. It's better to do it myself, I guess. I have the same problem as you, that if someone else shared what I experienced (even the sure stuff, but especially some of the dissociated stuff like from my mom's boyfriend as a kid), I would definitely say it was abuse. But, about me, I can't be sure it qualifies.

(((Mayo))) My T has had similar reactions to my sharing. When he was setting up a potential support person, he said she was very kind and experienced with the sort of things I went through, and said she had a very hard childhood, basically went through hell. So, a while after he shared that, I had to admit that I was scared to even relate to her, because it feels like, how could I talk about my stuff, which is hard, sure, but compared to someone who has been through hell, I'd feel weird sharing with her knowing I might trigger memories of so much worse. Anyway, my T looked kind of surprised and said, "You don't think YOU've been through hell?" He knows not to use words like "abuse" directly about me, but he will often compare patterns in my thinking to how "very many abused people" tend to think or feel. It makes me uncomfortable, because I feel like I've tricked him into believing something that just isn't there.

(((Liese))) It's great (in a hard way) that you're finally able to get to anger. I know I'm terrified to get there. It basically automatically converts to SU or aggressive invalidation (if it's mild anger) at this point, but the time I can hold onto being angry without self-destruct is going from seconds to minutes and sometimes an hour. Sad, but progress. My child parts are actually upset with me now for saying I'm not sure it was abuse...for still not believing what has been shared, even abreacted multiple times in some cases. But, I can't help if I don't fully believe it, can I? I've never had anyone like that show up at my door either. Regardless, I'm glad they're trying to provide support for abuse survivors, therapy and medical attention and education. My H's mom actually had to pack up her three kids and leave his dad, because he was abusive to both her and my H, so it would have been so much better if she had been able to get more support when she did that...

It made me uncomfortable too.