((((anna))))
i am so sorry you are so lost and hurting... it really wasnt right for your T to leave you like this with no contact, no support... but me saying this doesn't help you either...
i really hope he replies soon to your email, you are vulnerable and you have asked for his help - but are doing it in a considerate way, thinking of his feelings and not wanting to bother him on his holiday - not that you should be thinking about him, but i guess what i meant to say is that i dont think any human being would feel that your email is a bother, but rather would realise you are in a bad place and need help - so i hope he is a human being - and also a good T.
in saying that - there might also be unknown reasons why he would be unable to reply, maybe he cannot get email where he is etc...
i hope you can keep writing here if it helps. or if you really need to speak to someone, is there a help line you can call?

thinking of you


puppet

Anna - I hope this finds you feeling a little better. Thanks for sharing here about how you're feeling. I do understand those feelings well. I think puppet had a good idea about maybe calling a help line just to talk to someone. I hope your t answers you soon.

Hi thanks for your kind words..

I don´t think he will answer me !
I don´t know really what to think , or to do, I am just trying to hang in there ..

Anna... it was good that you took the chance to email him but along with that you also need to keep in mind that he may not have access to email OR he may have made a decision before his vacation that he would not check in to read emails. I'm not sure how much you discussed his email policy. So if you do not get an answer I think you need to keep in mind that it has nothing to do with you, just that there is a good possibility that he is not reading his emails (although I think that would be very UNprofessional of him).

Again, while I think a T has a right to vacations, I do think that it was VERY irresponsible of him to leave for such a very long time without back up for you to see and without discussing a well detailed plan for you if you need care or connection while he is gone.

I just do not want you to think that he is not answering you because he does not care about you or wants to get rid of you. That is not true. Those are old voices you hear that are telling you no one could care about you.

If you need to see a T then I would suggest you contact the clinic he works at and talk to someone there or even just call another T and explain that you need an interim T to get you through some bad times.

Hugs
TN

((anna)) i hope you are coping ok
thinking of you

puppet

Hello..

I am really trying to hang in there, he did not reply, I know he has gone online, so he has decided not to reply to mail post ,, I am little bit sad ..

hi anna,
i'm sorry to hear he hasnt replied. how do you know that he's been online though??

puppet

Hey Anna,
There might be technical reasons why he can't reply also. I also suggest that you find another T temporarily to "hold" you and be a sounding board to keep you safe while T is absent. There is nothing wrong with doing this and it is a really good way to take good care of yourself.

Somedays.

hey all..

I did not hear from my T at all, and I am really in the dumps,, I don´t know what to think.

I did send him just plain e-mail this morning asking him if the appointment was next week or after 2 weeks , he did reply and said after 2 weeks nothing more,


Just my life is so much struggle , my car is broken and I have no money , thankfully on summer holiday from my work , I can´t function in the work , I can barely do anything in my home cook or clean just barely , just letting you guys know a little,, to you all here .

Anna

I am so sorry for your struggles at the moment - it seems like you are coping with a lot

I am sorry too that you did not hear from T until you sent the 2nd e-mail. I wonder if you might be brave enough to mention how that made you feel at your next session. It will feel hard I know, but it might help you should you be in the same boat again.

Take care,

starfishy

Anna I'm sorry this has been so difficult for you. Would you be able to write back to him and ask for a sooner appointment and tell him how badly you are struggling right now?

I think also that Starfishy had a good suggestion to tell him how all of this has made you feel. If he is unresponsive or unhelpful, then I think you want want to at least consider changing T's. It seems you will have to continue to deal with his long absences and he seems quite incapable of setting you up with coping skills and back up plans while he is gone and what is worse... he does not even understand the suffering his lack of skill and caring causes his patients.

I am so sorry he has left you with so much to handle on your own. My suggestion is to just take one day at a time and try to plan to do one important task each day. Accomplishing this alone will help you to feel better about things.

It's also good to keep in touch with us here and let us know how you are doing.

TN

Thank you for your replies.

I can´t send him another e-mail and ask for another appointment, I think he is really tired of me, and frustrated, I think maybei its better I quit before he admitts he has given up or does not handle me and my problems, Sometimes I regret so very much that I trusted him and started this journey and started to feel little better, because you can´t miss what you don´t know, and now I feel so bad and I don´t know..

My T does not cope with session more than every 2 weeks, (Thats my feeling) and he said sometimes it feels to much hmm we were having sessions 1 week before he went on holiday and I felt he was getting really really tired and did not cope well if I admitted I depended on this sessions, he did not like it very much, said I had to depend on me and try to live my life outside the sessions, and so many times I pointed out its 7 days a week and I come here for 1 hour 1 a week, all the other days I had to "life" my life and depend on me , I feel so stupid, and so afraid

Anna... I understand that this feels scary but you are not stupid at all. It seems from what you say that your T does not understand the needs of someone who is dealing with trauma. I don't know a lot about your T so it's hard to say... but I would guess that if he takes 8 week vacations ... he has no idea what a trauma patient needs. In order to trust you need steady consistent care and maybe that is TWICE a week if possible. Not every two weeks unless you cannot pay for therapy that often.

I do not think your T is tired of you and frustrated. I think you are feeling like that about him and you are putting those feelings onto him imagining this is what he thinks of you(this is called projecting). I would not blame you at all if you were feeling frustrated with him. It would be impossible to know what he is feeling unless you asked him and he told you.

Anna... it is very good and healthy to learn to depend on your T for awhile. This is part of healing. We never had others to depend on when we were children so now we must repeat some development that we missed as children and this involves a time period of dependency. I am not sure if you can understand what I am trying to explain because I do know that English is not your first language. I am not even sure if you live in the U.S. or not so I am also not familiar with how T's work where you are now.

But... it seems to me that you are not feeling welcome and supported by your T. You do not feel trust for him and you are struggling. I would gently suggest, if possible, that you at least try to see another T... just one time.... to see if it helps you feel better. Or at least you can ask them questions about your therapy and if it seems okay or not to have the feelings you have about your T.

You have 2 weeks before you see your T again. I would kindly suggest that you call other Ts and meet with one (if possible) before you go back to your T. I believe if you are strong enough to do this it could be very helpful to you. It is always good to have another opinion of things. It cannot hurt.

I'm sorry you feel so upset about your therapy. I wish I could do more to help you.

TN

„True North“
thanks so much for your reply, I live in Scandinavia , he is currently working in a clinic we have similar system like in England and NHS system, he is helping me also to be a good mom to my son and that’s why I meet him about 4 y ago, but of these first years it was first just to help me with my son, I did not trust Therapist but in that time in 2 years I started to trust him but it took 2 years , and my life took turn for the much better, its free and I know I have been lucky to see him for free and that’s why I feel like I am bothering him, he did tell me last winter this was too much for him, and he could only see me every 2 week and I got a meltdown in the session I felt so bad, but I have invested so much in this therapist relationship and has taken allot of work from I would say both of us and he said last winter this was too much for him I was in very bad place, you can read my post from last winter ,
But after a talk he agreed I could see him once a week and have no contact between sessions I could stand by that agreement in about 70% , I did have few times to contact him but he did not return about 2 of my calls and do understand I am not his only patient , ..

I know sometimes I can be a handle and I have not been able to trust someone and bond really with someone, I am NOT in love or really have any feelings but good for my T , but sometimes I feel like I need these sessions to cope with daily life and to „vent“ to someone but the problem „not to „ someone, he know me and me „traumas“ and sometimes I feel like he is completely on board in our journey and sometimes like when he said it was too much for him I feel like so much failure, I have to sometimes to think of my child to stay a alive, and that If I was too much to handle or that he is not „able“ to see me in the clinic or in his private practice , which I have to pay and I am will pay for those sessions and I can get help from the work unite to pay for them, but in the winter he still said he could not see me 1 a week , I can’t say how much this think has made ma afraid to trust someone for the long haul ..

I have a Doctor and I just meet him few months ago, I had to get a new one because I work in this field and was then going to work with my old D and I wanted to chance D to get a new fresh look at thinks, so the head D of the hospital recommended the new D and I do trust him little bit but like me and my T said its different trust,

So when I saw my D in the winter he said it would be good if my t could see me 1 week , I told my T that and that is how that happened that I started to see him 1 week, so before he went on holiday if he was getting tired of me or this meeting 1 a week and he said it can be sometimes be too much and ,now is enough and good to take a break, but the problem is I was doing a good recovery , started to exercise and more, but still have what I think a long way to go where I want to go, and sometimes I think we have different ideas about what is best for me ..

I am so scared to go through all this again, I think I have the power or honestly the will to through all this again, in this moment I am just so tired and bothered with life, I doubt if anyone can help me really...

hi anna!

i'm sorry you're still struggling but its good you're writing here. i think you sound like you're coping a little better, or the best you can. please feel free to write here as much as you want, we all want to hear from you and no-one will ever think its 'too much'. i'm sorry your T said (or implied) that, it is totally unethical and unprofessional in my opinion! i am sorry if me saying that doesnt help you.

i think what TN wrote makes a lot of sense. i know how hard it is to even think about seeing another T when you are attached to your T, it seems unthinkable. you say that your T has helped you a lot when you first started seeing him. but maybe he has done all that he can do and he cannot help you further. maybe if you find a new T now you will leave remembering all the good things your T has done for you. it seems like your T is finding it difficult to give you the help that you need and deserve. that is not to say that he doesn't want to help you or that there is something wrong with you or that you want too much from him. i hope that you can talk about this with your T when he comes back. maybe he can be honest about it and if he thinks he can't give you the help that you need, he then can help you find a T who can. it would be unethical for him NOT to do so.

if it feels too hard and the idea to find a new T seems unthinkable right now, maybe you just need a bit more time. i think its good to just keep it as an option in your mind and discuss it with your T. i know you said that you don't really believe that anyone can help you right now, but i think this is a result of your T failing you and possibly a lot of it is about your past. but i truly believe that if you have a T who is there for you the way you deserve, you WOULD NOT feel this way, or this feeling would get less and less with time. i truly believe you will get better and CAN be helped and there is a T out there who CAN help you. whether its your current T or a new one, maybe time will tell.

i'm sorry if this was long and maybe not so helpful... please keep writing here and let us know how you're doing.



puppet

So I sent my T e-mail asked him if he had appointment before next wendsday, no answer again, I am hurt that he does not answer me.

(((((ANNA))))

I'm not so sure he is good for you. A good therapist, IMO, would not make you feel bad about yourself or about having needs. It hurt me so much to read that he said you were too much for him.

What about at least looking for a trauma therapist and seeing one concurrently along with him if you cannot stand the idea of leaving him?

((((ANNA))))

Just checking in to see how you are doing. You need to bring your T some articles on dependency. Someone here can point you in the right direction as to where to find them.

When does T come back from vacation?

hi all.

Thanks for all your replays I will meet my T tomorrow, but I don´t know what to say or act, I am hurt he did not answer me in summer, and afraid he is going to dump me, or say he can´t and don´t want to see me 1 week .. I am just nervous .. greetings and hugs ..

hugs Anna. Stand up for yourself! Tell him you atleast need once a week or you will have to look elsewhere. Some tramua Ts will meet more than 1x a week. Anna you deserve help and it is not out of line to ask for at least 1x a week!

hi anna! i was just thinking about you and wanted to check how you're doing.
i think ang is right, he has to know that you need to seem him once a week, and if he can't or won't then he is like a bad doctor who only gives his patients half the medicine and they never get better but they keep coming back for more
i really hope you're able to talk to him tomorrow and that you get some answers. is there any way you can make it a bit easier for yourself to tell him things? can you write it down if it helps?
i really hope it goes well for you. let us know how it goes and we're here if you need more support.

big

puppet

Hi Anna,

I am fortunate to have finally found a terrific T. I hope your meeting with your T went well. I hope you let your T know how you feel. When
I imagine myself in your situation I would be hurt but also angry. I sometimes think that the problem is just me. But T's are human too. If your T will not see you when you need and will not be there for you in an emergency then it may be time to find one who will.

Please take care of yourself!

km

Anna....



I think you got some really good advice from puppet, km, ang and Liese. I hope your session went okay. Please let us know how you are doing.

TN

((((ANNA))))

Just checking in to see how you are doing since your T has been back?