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I sometimes wonder...

... was I horrible when I was little. Is that why the things that happened happened? My adult head says, well, no kid deserves it... but I do wonder if I was just horrible.

I constantly wonder now, do people like me. I think they wont. Did anyone like me when I was little? What is it about me that isn't ok? If anything at all? I have friends, but I think that any second now they will leave, they will realise that I'm horrible and never speak to me again. Even though I've known some of them for decades. I dont have friends from when I was small - I moved away...

I wasn't ever good enough for my mother. I'm still not. It's sad. I'm sad. I wish I could go back in time and rescue me as a baby and take me someplace safe and warm. Then, I'd grow up and not wonder...
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I hear you on that (((SB))). For me, I've often cried out loud to (the universe?) about what I must have done in a former life to come to this life and feel the pain I do now. Then I wonder if those that hurt me in this life will 'get theirs' in their next life....

Not that I for one minute think this applies to anyone else of course. Just me. Probably the same for you too - while you think you 'must' have done something or be born bad to have had what happen to you, happen to you, you probably don't think the rest of us were bad / did something to deserve what happened to us ... Confused

just know you didn't do anything. You DID deserve better - much much MUCH better.
(((SB)))

I could have written the exact same thing you did. I often think how much of a disappoint I was to my parents. How could all of that happen to me if I was wonderful and loving, etc. Such a sad place to be SB!

I just wanted to say I get it and I understand! We didn't do anything to deserve that but that is hard to wrap my mind around sometimes!

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