OW,
That is so awesome! That was very brave of you to talk to her and be so open your feelings and I am really glad that she was so accepting and understanding. I have to believe that's going to help you work through this. And knowing that she's open to helping if you need it has to mean a lot too.

AG

quote:

I'm glad I got this out of my system before I had to see her again and put on that act I've been putting on.

OW,
That is wonderful that you were able to talk to her like that and that she reacted so warmly. We can learn so much about understanding relationships that seemed so unattainable before. That if we speak to our feelings and our needs, even though they may not get met the way we'd like them to, we still give a voice to them and that enrichment alone can make such a difference. And just because you cannot have the relationship you desire with her, you can still have a comfortable "real" exchange when you do see her. That is so much better than avoiding and pretending. I am encouraged and happy for you.
Thanks for sharing!
JM

Yay!!! So happy for you. I hope the meeting goes well tonight also. I know it will be easier since you were able to finally talk to her.

OW

I'm so happy that you are beginning to be able to resolve your feelings for her. It sounds like the support group will be really helpful and it will be good that you can concentrate on and get what you need from that without being distracted by your feelings for her. Let us know how that goes.

quote:

That if we speak to our feelings and our needs, even though they may not get met the way we'd like them to, we still give a voice to them and that enrichment alone can make such a difference. And just because you cannot have the relationship you desire with her, you can still have a comfortable "real" exchange when you do see her.

JM
This really describes my feelings today. My appointment with my T went really well yesterday and we were able to really talk about some things that have been bothering me. I also felt so much more safe in telling her things that related to how I feel about her, and of course that relates to my feelings of other relationships. I am really starting to see and BELIEVE that she is truly there for me and really does care for me, and not just because I am paying her to do so. Therefore, today I am so much more relaxed and I don't have that painful yearning feeling of wanting her. I KNOW she is there and carrying that in my heart gives me so much relief. She will never be my mother, but she is "real" and we do have a relationship and it will only come to an end if we both agree that it should. Life is good today, I'm going to wallow in it.

PL

My thoughts exactly, PL, life is good today.

It's been almost 24 hours from my appointment with my T, and my talk with my son's T, and I'm still feeling good about everything.

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Therefore, today I am so much more relaxed and I don't have that painful yearning feeling of wanting her.

I don't have that painful yearning either, PL, for the first time in a long time. I think I know now that she's there even when she's not.

Thanks AJB - the meeting went great. I was so comfortable and it felt like such a weight was off my shoulders. Communication is a good thing.

quote:

And just because you cannot have the relationship you desire with her, you can still have a comfortable "real" exchange when you do see her.

JM - that's exactly what happened last night. In fact I think it's been more comfortable and real than it's ever been. She's not my best friend, she's not my son's T or my T, I can't turn to her every time I think I need her, but she is still there and I can feel it. It's going to be different, but I don't think that's such a bad thing anymore.

AG - If today is any indication, then it is going to help me work through it. I have accepted what the relationship can't be and now I'm looking forward to what it can be.

Life is good today. Hopefully it will continue for awhile but I'm enjoying the breather while I can.

OW

OW,
I'm so glad that you're in such a good place and able to enjoy it. To quote my T "now you've felt this and you know that its true, and though you may not always feel it, you can know that you'll feel it again." These breathers both refresh us to be able to do the hard work and are our reward for the hard work we do. You enjoy every bit of this, you deserve to for doing the hard, scary stuff.

AG

OW -

Your courage is inspiring. It is wonderful to see that when we take a risk and try doing something a different way that it can really be a good thing.

Thanks AG! It's been two days and I'm still enjoying. The doubts and second-guessing are trying to creep in but I've been able to push them back by reminding myself of how she responded when we talked.

River - thank you. I think you're quite inspiring too.

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The doubts and second-guessing are trying to creep in but I've been able to push them back by reminding myself of how she responded when we talked.

OW

I'm so glad to hear that you have found a way to keep the good feelings going. I met with my son's new Psych. yesterday and he really threw me a curve ball. I started to spiral downward, but then I got irritated that I was losing the safe, warm, comforting feeling that my T had given me the day before. I almost called her, but then I decided that I didn't want to have the whiny, needy feeling. I wanted to keep the good feeling. I also want her to be proud of me that I found a way to sooth myself and cope with the fears. So today I am pushing away my son's issues and being happy in mine. His will still be there tomorrow and I will deal with it in baby steps. I guess I'm pretty full of myself at this moment, but being proud of myself is a good feeling and not one that I have felt for a very long time.

PL

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So today I am pushing away my son's issues and being happy in mine. His will still be there tomorrow and I will deal with it in baby steps. I guess I'm pretty full of myself at this moment, but being proud of myself is a good feeling and not one that I have felt for a very long time.

PL, I think that is wonderful that you can do that. You can still take care of your son's needs, and be concerned for him, be a loving mother and still take care of yourself and what you need. That balance is what makes it work and it's a struggle for some of us to attain. You have something very good and I hope you see how it translates in so many areas of your life right now. It's beautiful!

You should feel very proud!
JM

quote:

The doubts and second-guessing are trying to creep in but I've been able to push them back by reminding myself of how she responded when we talked.

OW,
That is a good feeling to be able to do that isn't it? It shows a deep contentment that you are able to have within yourself and that is something that is yours to hold onto forever. Sometimes it will feel crowded out by other emotions, but I think that becomes more temporary and the contentment along with positive beliefs become more of a solid base.

JM