After floating in a bubble for a day or two, thinking my T was giving me the gift of a lifetime - the opportunity to feel secure in life, now I have a different take on things. It's so interesting to see how I twisted his words to feel what I want to feel, hear what I want to hear. What he actually told me was that "it's going to be very hard for you to trust me." "It might take you a long time to trust me." He also said that it's okay for it to take a long time. But now that I'm looking back, I'm thinking that he's been trying to provoke me to anger and I can't go there with him and actually find it very threatening to my sense of safety.
I didn't ask what he was specifically talking about and will see him tomorrow and will definitely follow up.
I'm so sad.
What's wrong with me? Why don't I process anger in the normal way like normal people??? Why can't I get angry with him? When I think about anger, it's like there's nothing there, there's a big whole in my brain. I wish I could access it, but I can't. I've been with him for 3 + years. If I don't trust him enough now, how long is it going to take me????? I could try to get angry but I feel like I'm manufacturing stuff. It's not the genuine-in the moment anger. I remember AG saying something about how her T told her she wasn't healed until she could get angry with him. Yikes, feeling sad.
Sorry, don't mean to bring anyone else down.
You're certainly not on your own here. I can honestly say I very very rarely get cross, let alone angry...and really cannot imagine geting angry with T. I once asked my T if it was necessary for me to get angry in order for me to process what had happened to me. Her reply was that everyody was different and her gut feeling was that I might never get truly angry. Phew!