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I thought I had more time...The Therapist has been asking me how he is (one of my abusers) as he has been in the ICU...he said when he dies it will cause a lot of things to come up. I am numb, mute and think I have more time so I can prepare myself.

I can not mentally make myself go there...an early text message from my sister tells me he left this earth at 6:10 a.m. today. I can't believe it and reread it again to ensure I have really read what I have read.

He is gone. Phone calls come in and I am not sure what to say. I called the Therapist and he scheduled me for a meeting tomorrow.

I may not be able to speak.

T.
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TAS, I'm not sure what to say to you, so I am just going to say I'm sorry for whatever you have gone through in your life and that you did not deserve what was done to you. This man man should go straight to hell, if there is one.

I do think its good that you are going to see your T tomorrow. It sounds like you have some tough times ahead. Remember, this forum cares about you and will be here for you. I will be thinking of you.
oh, TAS. I am so sorry.
processing death is difficult enough as it is - but layering trauma on top of it adds a different element.

it's ok if you have trouble speaking at your appointment tomorrow - just bring yourself exactly as you are.

Please, if you can - keep us updated and let us know how you are doing.
(((TAS)))

I’m really glad your T could see you today. I well understand that feeling of shock and numbness. One week ago, my father (who was one of my abusers) died suddenly. I wasn’t prepared for it at all, and I reacted much the same as you’ve described. What I can say one week out is that, at least for me, the feeling of being in a dream has slowly faded. His being dead is slowly becoming part of my reality, and it is no longer a shock each time I remember it. Parts of me were overwhelmingly relieved at my father’s death. I also surprised myself by also feeling sad and mourning his passing. At first I felt ashamed at the parts of me that were mourning, like it meant that I was lying about the abuse, but I think I’ve come to accept them. I did love him when I was young. I don’t know your relationship to your abuser, TAS, or how you feel about his death, but I want to reassure you that whatever you are feeling is OK. (And sorry, I don’t mean to hijack your thread.)

-Bee

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