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I told my T that I love her.

riverriverMember
There is something about being really, really sick that just sets me up so perfectly for saying all sorts of things in therapy that I normally would be too terrified to say. I just got over the stomach flu which has left me all needy and vulnerable so I go see T today and spilled my guts like I haven't been able to in a while. It wasn't even really a big deal either - it all just kind of came out. I usually have a horrible time trying to talk to T about our relationship but today I wanted her to know how much I wanted her with me when I was sick. And the love thing, well I have known for a long time that I love her and she loves me but never felt like I should say it out loud. I just told myself that knowing it was enough and saying it was unnecessary but after being so sick I guess I felt that I needed to know that she knows that I do love her very much and that with her I have finally found a place where I feel OK to just be me. It was nice to just feel OK for a while and I really only feel that with her. This all came out so casually and I know it is only because of the perspective shift a violent illness can trigger. I see her again the day after tomorrow and I hope I don't go back to "normal" by then.
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True NorthTrue NorthCo-moderator
River I think that is really huge that you told her that you love her! I often wish I could say that to my T in plain English. Oh I've hinted around about it, told him I have a great affection for him, told him he is my safe place, my sanctuary, my home. I've "said" it in all sorts of ways but one day I want to just say it out loud to him.

I think you finally feel safe enough to tell her. So how did it feel to say those words to her?

I know what you mean about needing her when you were so sick. I caught bronchitis while I was away from home on vacation this summer and was SO sick. I wanted my T SO badly. I had to be satisfied with looking at his pictures, and listening to my voice mails. But that did help some. I think it's very normal to want your attachment figure close when you are feeling sick and in need of comforting.

TN
Attachment GirlAttachment GirlAdmin
(((((((((River)))))))))))
How incredibly awesome that you were able to take that step. And you won't go back to "normal" because normal has shifted. You have become vulnerable enough to admit your love for another person and that's a part of you now and a place you can return too. You should be so very proud of yourself. You have made my heart happy!

Smiler Big Grin Wink Razzer Cool Smiler Big Grin Wink Razzer

AG
musicalmemusicalmeMember
River -

What an amazing step you have taken! Like TN, I have hinted about my feelings for my T, telling her she is so incredibly important to me, that she is my anchor.

I am currently struggling with whether to share with my T my feelings of love for her, which I have recently realized and accepted. It is heartwarming to hear you took the leap and shared what is in your heart with her.

And I second TN's question - how did it feel to say those words to her?

Take Care,
Musical Me
amazonamazonMember
River, It's wonderful that you actually feel loved. I'm sure it makes it so much easier to be there and to be able to love and say that.

I'm wondering, does anybody else also feel loved?
I'm struggling a bit now with loving, with need to be loved, and talking about it. It would be interesting to find out how you feel about it.
Attachment GirlAttachment GirlAdmin
Hi Amazon,
I definitely feel loved. Mainly because my T has demonstrated love by his level of committment to my wellbeing. He provides what I would consider a really high level of accessibility (I can call or email him between sessions even when he's on vacation. The only time he has ever been completely out of touch was on a trip to Europe and that was for lack of connectivity)which I used every week for several years. And he often speak of our relationship as a loving one and is fine with me describing feeling loved in the relationship. Even more importantly, we have had moments of what I would consider very profound important connection in which I have felt his love for me even if it isn't spoken aloud, nor do I ever expect it to be. The love is closest to that of a pastor for his flock or even a paternal love, I don't think there's anything romantic about it, but I do believe it's really love.

AG
amazonamazonMember
Sorry River for taking over your topic a bit, but it just raised some questions in my head, maybe if I can get them answered I will have some courage to tell things to my T.
I did tell my T that I love him, but before I did it I explained things to myself and understood that he doesn't love me and I can't expect that he would, and I made myself believe that I don't need that as long as I can love him, see him, and be able to tell him about my feelings. I don't know if it works that way. Because deep in my heart I would like him to love me, I would like to feel loved, and I don't know if you can expect feeling/being loved in therapy relationship. If this is what actually happens or is it that you guys, are just the lucky ones who are having it this way.

River, I hope you will stay with that feeling. It must be so wonderful for you now. I hope even if you "go back to normal" during your next session, your T will be able to bring you back into that new place that you were able to discover.

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