I am so sorry for how it feels right now. Sure am thinking about you AH.

I am sorry you have to go through this, even if there is some good in it and in having some form of closure.

Take care, "grieve" for your loss. It seems like you are very aware that it is the right decision but that this does not mean that you don't lose anything, and finding peace with this must be difficult. Take care.

(((AH)))

(((Armored Heart))) I'm so sorry you are grieving so much. It's a normal response to loss, though I know it does not take the pain away to know it's a part of the process.

ouch ouch!!!

(((AH)))

quote:

I know I need to get out of bed again, but as it is I've canceled all my weekend plans and been curled up under the blankets all day.

Oh no. I know this is so hard but AH you need to get out. I know this from experience. I worry so much about you. If I were there I'd come into your room and I would pull you out of bed and take you out to eat or sit and talk with you. I so understand the desire to lay in bed. After all you are wounded badly right now. But sweetie you need to get out. You need to be around people. The sooner the better. I am sorry to be dispensing advice. I know that is not maybe what you want but I am so worried about you.

Please don't delete your account. If you ask shrinklady to delete it she will in a few days. Happened to me. But AH firstly I like you so much. You are a wonderful group member here. You have given so much here that you need to stick around and get some back.

quote:

I feel angry with him one second and desperate to go back to him the next.

This is grief. Grief is going to take you on a rollercoaster ride of every emotion you can possibly experience. From complete despair to joy even. Grief is one of the most complex, painful and exasperating things a person can go through. Expect that you will be up and down over and over for a while. I know this is bad news to hear but if you think of it in terms of healing a bad wound you can maybe understand what is happening. You need to reach out and be with other people. A grief group may help some too. Be gentle to yourself AH. You know how you're so gentle to others here? Can you do that for yourself now too?

quote:

He kept talking about how sad he was that I was going. How much he just liked talking to me. I wish he'd never told me so much about himself and his life... all it did was increase my pain. I feel like nothing I say about this will ever be interpreted as anything but my own issues. I wish he'd never made the comment about me that I felt crossed the line so much.

I don't know what the comment was but it seems to me that this is his mistake and not yours. Thta you are the one going through the intense pain and that I wish and hope that he has taken responsibility for it.

Can you see another T? Can you go find a new T?

((((AH)))))

I am very concerned about you. Please if you can reach out to the people here. You have given so much to us that I think people would be happy to be able to return some of what you have given.

(((turtle, TK, joy)))

Sorry to cause any worry, I am having a major case of being afraid of being too exposed... my username is really coming into play now My history really causes the idea of sharing my story to be almost as difficult as the story itself.

Thank you all for letting me know I'm cared about. Joy, I am so sorry you are going through that I was actually surprised my posts had been helpful, I really appreciate you reaching out to let me know, and thank you for your kind words. I hope you are finding support to cope, there are so many here who know your pain.

I really am in a very painful place of feeling desperate to share what's been happening, but I believe it's the childlike part of me that is so afraid to talk. My abuse history consists of a huge amount of gaslighting, so I really struggle with questioning myself. I would like to try to get it out though, I'm going to put a post in the sensitive issues forum for anyone interested in reading... it feels a little safer there for some reason.

(((sp)))

thank you
I just posted my story under sensitive issues, I'm going to try to keep from deleting...

(((joy)))

How sweet of you, thank you It is very scary, but I hope you feel safe enough to share if/ when you are ready too. It is healing to be heard and supported. Thank you for thinking of me!