Robin,
I totally hear you about both sisters and Ts!

I have one sister whom I barely speak to because its SO crazy making. Two days in her company and I feel like a complete headcase. Luckily for me, my other sister has also done alot of work in therapy and we're able to pull each back to reality when we deal with the rest of the family. But family can drive you crazy and get to you like no one else can.

And I am very familiar with the simultaneous feelings of NEVER want to go again and HOW long 'til the next appt?!!? I think its the nature of things. So if those are issues (which I really don't believe!) there pretty normal ones.
Hang in there, it will get better.

AG

my sister offered her house while she's off in Europe (so we can have a mini-vacation)... she told me she'd book her housecleaner for the day after we leave... (after her 'sighing' because when she kept saying 'what should I tell Sheila' I didn't have a clue what she was talking about... I mean... who is Sheila and what does it have to do with me?)... anyhow, then she sprung it on me that I was to pay for the housecleaner! Now we compromised and I said we'd just clean up when we leave... though she didn't like that idea so much. About everything she says to me makes me feel so terrible! I'm trying hard not to s/i (self-injury) but it's so so so hard!
Robin

Robin,
OK, I can definitely see why she drives you crazy! Who offers to let someone stay at their house and THEN asks them to pay for housekeeping!??!! Especially since most people would clean before leaving anyway. But you really need to hear clearly that YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM HERE. When you offer to do a favor for someone, the only credible way to do it is to be gracious about it. A gift is given freely with no expectation of return. To add conditions like this one is to rub your nose in the fact that she is "giving" you something. The fact that she has behaved this way speaks volumes about her, but says nothing about you. Please don't turn the anger which I think is a reasonable reaction to what she has done against yourself. You deserve to be treated with care, concern and dignity. You don't deserve to be hurt, especially by yourself. Safe hugs!

AG

PS Having said that, I do understand how difficult it is to not engage in a behavior which in the past has helped us cope with stress. You should see me with a box of chocolate chip cookies! So please be patient with yourself. I'm glad you posted here!

My sister wanted my parents also to share the housecleaner cost... dad was livid! He said he is letting my sister and her family stay at his house two nights, feeding them, and driving them to the airport where he'll have to stay overnight in a hotel... she's very ungrateful! Dad and I joked about making my sister do HER sheets before she leaves Dad's house!

Anyhow, I didn't s/i. i always go the place of thinking I'm stupid (because, in my mind, of course my sister is right and makes sense and it's me who is wrongand stupid!) but my T and I talked last night about doing some 'positive self-talk' ... things that are true about me... I'm thinking of doing a scrapbook on it... a mini-book thing...

thanks,
robin

Robin,
That is awesome that you didn't S/I. I'm glad you're dad got it too. The scrapbook sounds like an awesome idea. Its strange how its so easy for us to cut other people slack and be understanding but how tough it is to do for ourselves. We need to learn to as gentle with ourselves.

AG