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11 replies

I WANT OUT!

mayomayoMember
SERIOUS WARNING HERE- WRITTEN WITH LOADS OF ANGER - COULD BE TRIGGERING.
No more therapy!
No more marriage!
No more jerkey T
I want out of it all- I am done!!!

This is how I feel today- tomorrow may be different- but today I am so done with this shit!
I have been trying to- racking my brain to think of how the pervert actually hurt me. It kills me that he lured me with knindness and candy, and the stupid little girl (OK- not supposed to say that-) the baby- didnot know better little girl fell for it.
It would be better if he hurt me- then I could HATE HATE HATE him. He hurt me as a person looking back, but from the little girls view- he did not hurt her, she was just to.....IDK young to see his tricks, and now my life is ruined to have a healthy love relationship. He changed my brain the wires are crossed- and I choose wacky mean people in my life. I choose an arrogant T who is an ass. ONe who is full of shit. Espouses one thing- but shows another.

I saw him at the Y- said hello, and he was so dismissive, not even friendly- Just "see ya"! Well I say the same See ya Mark" I am done. I got out of the pool and left. I do not care if I ever see him again! He can take his pious ass and shove it! So can everyone else in my life- I just want to be left alone. Fu&*ed up brain and all! My brain is ruined and it does not seem to be getting better. I would kill that pervert if I could find him. I would rip him to shreds. I am so angry. I am calling my T and telling him to .... no can't write that. I HATE my life.
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scaredtoriskmyselfscaredtoriskmyselfCo-moderator
((((Mayo))))

I'm glad that you are expressing your anger here. You have every right to be angry. Angry with what happened in the past, angry with how things are going with your T and just plain angry at the world right now.

The wires in your brain may be crossed right now and things might feel like they will never get better, but it isn't too late. There is healing out there and you deserve to be free from all of this. It will happen. It won't be easy, but it is possible.
seablueseablueMember
Mayo,
Express your anger, girl!!

It would be easier, wouldn't it, if when something went wrong, not everything seemed wrong. It seems that especially when the T relationship is not feeling good, it can send me into that way of thinking. Just wanted to say that I hear you - I love that you can express your anger!!

And, it sounds really painful. Frowner I hope it feels better soon.
J jillMember
ohhhh mayo!!!!!!!!!!!! get it OUT girl!!! love to hear anger expressed here (not that i want YOU to have it, but let it loose!!!!!!!!!!)

i agree most days of my life!! ENOUGH!!!!! i'll just put my head in the sand the rest of my days here and so the f what!!!

and an arrogant t, nothing worse. T3 said about my T1 that he was 'an unusual mixture of arrogance and ignorance'...........hep, nail on the head. prick!!

girl, you are dealing with one big anger victim here, so take what i say with a MAJOR DUMPTRUCK FULL OF SALT, but i changed, and, so far, i am glad i did.

i gotta go (to T!) but let it rip and i hope it helps to get it out!! post away!! i'll read and hug. jill
lamplighterlamplighterMember
(((( Mayo ))))

Don’t know whether it’s the same for you, but feeling angry like you are now, for me, drives me crazy in a really bad way - suddenly I get to see just how much everything and everyone else sucks too and it’s SO painful because no matter how angry (and justified in feeling it too) I get, there AIN’T NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT ANY OF IT! or at least, not what I’d LIKE to do!

It sounds like your T’s dismissiveness has been the touch paper for a load of things getting to you right now. I know you said you are venting, but I’d like to suggest that keeping that anger and going in to your T with it could be a really good thing to do. Never mind that it might come from the past or ‘really’ be directed at other targets, being able to express that anger to at least one of the people who is causing it could be very healing. At the very least it would be good to speak to him about how his dismissive response to you made you feel.

Mayo it sounds like a lot of different things in your life are giving you grief right now - I really hope you can get a break from it soon Smiler

LL
mayomayoMember
quote:
I’d like to suggest that keeping that anger and going in to your T with it could be a really good thing to do.


Tanks LL and everyone.

I am a bit saner today. And all of your suggestions are most helpful. I would have brought the message to him, but he called me unexpectedly yeaterday. He noticed my absence and asked me whats up. I told him nothing- (sometimes I am a coward) but he knew, and proceeded to explain being in swim mode is like being in work mode- when he is working at his kids company- does not like interruptions. He said he did not see me leave and was hoping to chat afterwards. I told him it was fine. We talked some more- and it is ok. the rest of my stuff I just have to work out with him.
Thanks for listening to my rantings- you guys are wonderful.
mayomayoMember
quote:
At least you got a response from your t - sometimes they are so arrogant they don't even realize it.


Smiley (I just love that name)

That is so true. Early on when we were just getting to know each other, I told him that I thought he was arogant at times. He said nothing.
Several months later I was describing a feeling I had about him- I couldn't find the right word that described my perception of him, and he filled in the word arrogant,- to which I quickly responded- not at all.

My T is very good at what he does, but he is a bit arrogant at times- but then again- sometimes swimming laps, needs to be just that.

Once again- thanks for all of your incredible support. I will get back to regular posting eventually.

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