I wish


I wish my counselor took some time and introduce himself like he is a student and doing his practicum.

I wish my counselor listened to me when I told him that I was having nightmares and feeling so scared about remembering all the traumas so I want to quit. Of course he encouraged me and I kept going.

I wish my counselor never reminded me that I am very sensitive person. I wanted to believe that I am very strong person. And there were no solutions given about me being sensitive.

I wish my counselor let me quit counseling when I told him. I can’t do this anymore. I don’t want to do it. Of course, again, he encouraged me to keep going.

One day I went to a session and told him this “ I don’t think It’s going to work out”
The very first thing he said with happy and surprised reaction “ With DAVID?” ( my husband’s fake name) then I started digging problems with my H.

I wish he never said such things like “ I’ll be by your side” ( which I realized it was only until he was available for me)

I wish I never sent him long long e-mails (average 7 per day for 3 months) altogether, it turn out to be 630 emails to him and if I include his reply, it’s like 1000??? It’s just my wild guess.

I wish I never shared my journals with him. It was about 2 pages per day. So it works out to be only 200 pages at the most?

I wish I never started my personal blog which he hacked into my blog even after termination with me. I’ve written about 1000 posts there.

I wish my counselor gave me information about transference as soon as he found out that was going on with me. Denial, denial, denial

I wish I never talked to him on the phone for hours in between sessions
I wish he never gave me his MSN address so we could chat in between sessions
I wish he saw his supervisor just more than once during 3 months sessions with me because he was trying to learn , he was trying his best. I just think we could have used some help.

I wish my counselor shared about other diagnosis that he knew about me much earlier such as Border line personality. He knew how many times I had to say good-bye to so many friends and family. So I wish he never used attachment counseling
I wish my counselor was the one who set boundaries… I told him no more chatting, no more phone calls, no more e-mails. Just face to face session.

I wish my counselor saw his supervisor way earlier when he noticed signs of suicidal in my e-mails, journals and blogs.

I wish I never terminated sessions with him and I wish I can stop sending him e-mails and there is NO replies at all for 2 months.

I wish my counselor never told me about this web site and pretend like someone else and reply to my posts such as using my pet’s name and so on

What can I say? It’s all my fault, I should have known, I should have listened to my friends and family that I am dealing with (______) please be creative with brackets.

At the end… I feel like I was used as his test subject and he is still humiliating me, mocking me making me confused and doesn’t want to face me as HIM but someone else…

Does anybody think that’s helpful to someone who is trying to survive day to day?