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Oh, wow, what a great topic. I guess if I could ask my T one thing, it would be if he feels romantically toward me. I suspect that he does to a small degree. However, I'm not sure if I'd actually want the answer to this question. It might complicate matters for me--if they weren't complicated enough already.
If I could know anything about him, it would be the degree of trauma he survived in his early life. It's pretty obvious that he's a trauma survivor. But this is a story I'd like to hear over coffee, with the two of us interacting as true equals, which doesn't happen in session.
My T is free to ask me anything. I wish he asked me more questions than he does currently.
If I could know anything about him, it would be the degree of trauma he survived in his early life. It's pretty obvious that he's a trauma survivor. But this is a story I'd like to hear over coffee, with the two of us interacting as true equals, which doesn't happen in session.
My T is free to ask me anything. I wish he asked me more questions than he does currently.
My T is a pretty open book for the most part. There isn't anything I am super interested in knowing. There are things he hasn't answered. Most are usually him being about to say something and then having reserve about it. I used to get really anxious over this, but most of the time, if he has said it's not the time or he doesn't think it's relevant, I've learned to trust him now. I used to always have to push, due to anxiety it was something bad he felt toward me.
The one specific question I did ask and he refused to answer was whether or not he ran the whole in-session hugs with me thing (or how he runs his practice in general) by his wife, the way I ran it by my husband when we first discussed whether touch was going to be a part of our therapy. I felt a need to know I wasn't unwittingly violating someone else's relationship. But, he simply said he could not answer that one...something about protecting his wife's privacy. I accepted it, felt guilty for asking, but feel OK about not knowing, because it's not my job to take care of his relationship and I trust the person that he is that he would be very considerate of his wife. It's not that I know nothing about her generally, but obviously her thoughts/feelings (or his perception of them) is off-limits.
Maybe I know "too much" about my T. He is very human and accessible, but without putting anything on me that I feel I need to carry, though I'm sure I try at every opportunity.
The one specific question I did ask and he refused to answer was whether or not he ran the whole in-session hugs with me thing (or how he runs his practice in general) by his wife, the way I ran it by my husband when we first discussed whether touch was going to be a part of our therapy. I felt a need to know I wasn't unwittingly violating someone else's relationship. But, he simply said he could not answer that one...something about protecting his wife's privacy. I accepted it, felt guilty for asking, but feel OK about not knowing, because it's not my job to take care of his relationship and I trust the person that he is that he would be very considerate of his wife. It's not that I know nothing about her generally, but obviously her thoughts/feelings (or his perception of them) is off-limits.
Maybe I know "too much" about my T. He is very human and accessible, but without putting anything on me that I feel I need to carry, though I'm sure I try at every opportunity.
((Draggers))
I'd want to know… what do you ACTUALLY think of my progress and prognosis?
I wish T would ask me… if I could explain as detailed as possible how I felt in some of the moments I was discussing with her last session. I just can't get there by myself right now!
Hmmm… one question for T's life… I guess if she has any actual biological children. T talks about all kinds of stuff, family, etc… I know her husband had kids before they were married. It's so strange that they don't exist in any capacity. I guess, in contrast to my ED T who discloses a lot about her kids is so weird.
I'd really want to know these answers… I do ask about my progress, and she answers but I assume she's lying so if she HAD to tell the truth that's the one I'd use it for. I genuinely want to know if T has biological kids, only because it's so avoided. I don't ask because I feel like it would be an awkward intrusion, if after this long any biological children of hers do not exist. I want T to ask me the question I suggested, but I know it would trigger me
My T is pretty open, and I'm pretty shameless with my questions.
I'd want to know… what do you ACTUALLY think of my progress and prognosis?
I wish T would ask me… if I could explain as detailed as possible how I felt in some of the moments I was discussing with her last session. I just can't get there by myself right now!
Hmmm… one question for T's life… I guess if she has any actual biological children. T talks about all kinds of stuff, family, etc… I know her husband had kids before they were married. It's so strange that they don't exist in any capacity. I guess, in contrast to my ED T who discloses a lot about her kids is so weird.
I'd really want to know these answers… I do ask about my progress, and she answers but I assume she's lying so if she HAD to tell the truth that's the one I'd use it for. I genuinely want to know if T has biological kids, only because it's so avoided. I don't ask because I feel like it would be an awkward intrusion, if after this long any biological children of hers do not exist. I want T to ask me the question I suggested, but I know it would trigger me
My T is pretty open, and I'm pretty shameless with my questions.
Hi, Draggers.
Provacative question, and I'm with Monte -- what are your questions?
My T is pretty forthcoming at this point. I have stepped in boundaried territory with some of my questions, and he's nonchalantly said he won't answer the question. I ask A LOT of questions as I'd much rather talk about anything and everything besides myself.
He won't talk about his spouse, so, of course, that makes me very curious. But that's moderated with time. He's protecting her, and I respect that.
As for what I would like him to ask me, part of me reacts with "anything!" But that's not totally fair. He does ask questions once I start down a path, but he won't feed me leading questions as he wants me to talk about what's on my mind.
Tangent: I'm always wondering how my thoughts can spin every single hour of every single day except for the 100 minutes I spend with him each week. I get in there, and it seems that all thoughts go into hiding, and it's near to impossible to extract them.
Anywhoo... thanks for the question, Draggers.
PW (aka Outsider)
Provacative question, and I'm with Monte -- what are your questions?
My T is pretty forthcoming at this point. I have stepped in boundaried territory with some of my questions, and he's nonchalantly said he won't answer the question. I ask A LOT of questions as I'd much rather talk about anything and everything besides myself.
He won't talk about his spouse, so, of course, that makes me very curious. But that's moderated with time. He's protecting her, and I respect that.
As for what I would like him to ask me, part of me reacts with "anything!" But that's not totally fair. He does ask questions once I start down a path, but he won't feed me leading questions as he wants me to talk about what's on my mind.
Tangent: I'm always wondering how my thoughts can spin every single hour of every single day except for the 100 minutes I spend with him each week. I get in there, and it seems that all thoughts go into hiding, and it's near to impossible to extract them.
Anywhoo... thanks for the question, Draggers.
PW (aka Outsider)
Oh, this is a good thread. I would want to ask my T why she is getting divorced. I also wonder why she got married in the first place and what her experience of marriage has been like overall.
Yes, I do really want to know the answers to these, but obviously they are very personal questions that I could never ask! I think I want to know because I wonder how much she can really relate to me- how similar or different our experiences in this area have been, considering my marriage has been a theme in therapy for awhile, and especially of late.
Yes, I do really want to know the answers to these, but obviously they are very personal questions that I could never ask! I think I want to know because I wonder how much she can really relate to me- how similar or different our experiences in this area have been, considering my marriage has been a theme in therapy for awhile, and especially of late.
I know a lot about my T and I am allowed to ask personal questions.
but what I need to know, what I want to know, have to know is whether she loves me. If she does, I really need to hear the answer. it would be very therapeutic for me and I know i will move forward at a great rate. I can't say that to T because then I think she will say it and not mean it.
but what I need to know, what I want to know, have to know is whether she loves me. If she does, I really need to hear the answer. it would be very therapeutic for me and I know i will move forward at a great rate. I can't say that to T because then I think she will say it and not mean it.
Hey all--
Well, after thinking about this question, I would have to say that my T has conveyed to me that he went through EMDR as well, and I have always wondered why. He told me that he had his own "trauma" that he needed to get through and I always wondered, in some needling way, what that trauma was. I did ask him one time how long it took him to "get over it" with EMDR and he said "Probably about a year." I'm on year 3 with EMDR, so I already feeling like a slow learner.
My first two T's were always up front with me about their family situation. First one was married with children and then his wife died. My second was married with no children. This third one really interested me. He wore a wedding band, but said nothing of a significant other. So...low and behold...one day, after about 2 years of working with him, I finally asked him. Of course, being a psychologist, he turned the question around and said, "What's your motivation for asking that?" LOL. (Just answer the damn question!!!) I said, "I just kind of want to know who I'm working with." (Sounds like a dumb answer, doesn't it?) But, he was honest and said he was bisexual, but he has been living with his S.O. for 25 years. He wanted to know how I felt about him telling me that. I told him it really didn't make a difference to me, but I'm glad he told me. I think that was a huge stepping stone in our trust with one another. I don't know if he tells others, but I'm sure if he feels it wiil benefit the client, he will.
Well, after thinking about this question, I would have to say that my T has conveyed to me that he went through EMDR as well, and I have always wondered why. He told me that he had his own "trauma" that he needed to get through and I always wondered, in some needling way, what that trauma was. I did ask him one time how long it took him to "get over it" with EMDR and he said "Probably about a year." I'm on year 3 with EMDR, so I already feeling like a slow learner.
My first two T's were always up front with me about their family situation. First one was married with children and then his wife died. My second was married with no children. This third one really interested me. He wore a wedding band, but said nothing of a significant other. So...low and behold...one day, after about 2 years of working with him, I finally asked him. Of course, being a psychologist, he turned the question around and said, "What's your motivation for asking that?" LOL. (Just answer the damn question!!!) I said, "I just kind of want to know who I'm working with." (Sounds like a dumb answer, doesn't it?) But, he was honest and said he was bisexual, but he has been living with his S.O. for 25 years. He wanted to know how I felt about him telling me that. I told him it really didn't make a difference to me, but I'm glad he told me. I think that was a huge stepping stone in our trust with one another. I don't know if he tells others, but I'm sure if he feels it wiil benefit the client, he will.
Great question, very interesting. My T can be kind of open about some things, and very closed about others, so I have learned not to ask much hoping he will be more willing to open up if I don't push the boundaries.So I guess I would want to know why he has been divorced several times, specifically why each marriage failed. And what question do I wish my T would ask me? I can't think of anything I would want him to ask me.
I don't really have any personal question for the therapist. She has told me some stuff about herself without me asking. Usually when she does, I wonder why she is telling me.
I do wish the woman would ask me if something is still the case or not - she tends to assume things that are not true.
The only questions I want to know is why she is doing what she is doing when at my appointment - what is the purpose of X?
I do wish the woman would ask me if something is still the case or not - she tends to assume things that are not true.
The only questions I want to know is why she is doing what she is doing when at my appointment - what is the purpose of X?
Hey Ms Draggers (I missed your other post )
I went to my session today and simply asked it: "What do you think of/about me?" She looked away and then looked back at me and said, "Of course I'll answer your question, but first we need to talk about why you're asking." Of course? I expected she would, but of course?
)I went to my session today and simply asked it: "What do you think of/about me?" She looked away and then looked back at me and said, "Of course I'll answer your question, but first we need to talk about why you're asking." Of course? I expected she would, but of course?
quote:Of course I'll answer your question, but first we need to talk about why you're asking.
(((RT)))
Of course, I think that comes in the first lesson in T school 
It wasn't that we'd have to talk about it. I expected (and wanted) that. I also suspected she would answer my question. What surprised me was that she said "of course." I think the only part they teach in T school is the talking about it.
I read these stories here about Ts that are so... I'm not sure what word to use. The ones who won't disclose anything. I think the blank slate is like OCD for therapists - and most often, NOT a good practice. That said, it takes a skilled therapist to maintain boundaries without seeming cold or non-responsive or punitive - all bad outcomes from a T who doesn't know how to moderate boundaries.
-RT
I read these stories here about Ts that are so... I'm not sure what word to use. The ones who won't disclose anything. I think the blank slate is like OCD for therapists - and most often, NOT a good practice. That said, it takes a skilled therapist to maintain boundaries without seeming cold or non-responsive or punitive - all bad outcomes from a T who doesn't know how to moderate boundaries.
-RT
Well I am glad that she would answer your question, I think it's really important to have that openness and willingness to answer within her boundaries. It is just the 'why do you want to ask that bit' that gets me - I know why they ask that but I guess it's so expected and unlike what you might have in a conversation IRL. My T has definitely got more open the more we have worked together, I personally would find a blank-slate approach hard too, although I know some find it less threatening.
Anyway RT, I do hope after all that her answer was helpful and positive
Anyway RT, I do hope after all that her answer was helpful and positive
I once asked my previous T how she coped with hearing about trauma. She said that she didn't think about the session once it was over, and that people's experiences didnt come into her mind outside of the session - that until the next time she saw the client she put it out of her mind. Unfortunately it was a rather abandoning thing to say... as the client, I then knew that when I opened stuff up and wrestled with it for days after a session I was totally alone in having any thoughts about my experiences. I was basically forgotten by my T until the next appointment Whilst this may be true, I'd rather she had simply said she was able to cope...
I never ask my T anything at all. I was suprised when she said she was worried about me (I missed an appointment as I was ill in hospital) - I guess I assume like the last T, that I dont realy exist to her between appointments - particuarly since I have no contact. I think I would ask 'am I acceptable?'
SB
Whilst this may be true, I'd rather she had simply said she was able to cope...I never ask my T anything at all. I was suprised when she said she was worried about me (I missed an appointment as I was ill in hospital) - I guess I assume like the last T, that I dont realy exist to her between appointments - particuarly since I have no contact. I think I would ask 'am I acceptable?'
SB
hey ((starfishy)) - T's response let me know that she perceives me fairly accurately. That's a good thing. 
Interesting post Draggers.
If I could ask T one question and she would have to answer honestly. Its a tie - I have two questions.
First, How sick am I relative to the other clients she has. At times I percieve that I worry her greatly and that I'm very "sick" in her eyes. At other times I think I'm just the same as other clients.
Second - Am I special to her? Which is a stupid childish question but I want to imagine that she looks at her calendar the day that I'm coming and says oh good. I get to see Jill today. That should be an interesting fun session.
I would never be able to ask either question because I couldn't stand the pain of having to talk about why I'm asking. (You go RT!)
I wish T asked me more questions about why I made the choices I did in life. I think she has made some assumptions that are not correct.
I know the basics about T's life. Married, two kids, a brother and her parents in her life. When I was really in the dark pit of depression I asked her why she chose to be a T. She told me this happy story about her high school psych teacher inspiring her. I later emailed what I really wanted to know was has she ever been in that dark pit of depression. Could she possibly know what it was like to see life around you but feel so cut off from it. She responded to the email by asking me to contact Pdoc about a med increase. I never brought it up again.
Interesting and thought provoking Draggers. Thanks for posting this.
Jillann
If I could ask T one question and she would have to answer honestly. Its a tie - I have two questions.
First, How sick am I relative to the other clients she has. At times I percieve that I worry her greatly and that I'm very "sick" in her eyes. At other times I think I'm just the same as other clients.
Second - Am I special to her? Which is a stupid childish question but I want to imagine that she looks at her calendar the day that I'm coming and says oh good. I get to see Jill today. That should be an interesting fun session.
I would never be able to ask either question because I couldn't stand the pain of having to talk about why I'm asking. (You go RT!)
I wish T asked me more questions about why I made the choices I did in life. I think she has made some assumptions that are not correct.
I know the basics about T's life. Married, two kids, a brother and her parents in her life. When I was really in the dark pit of depression I asked her why she chose to be a T. She told me this happy story about her high school psych teacher inspiring her. I later emailed what I really wanted to know was has she ever been in that dark pit of depression. Could she possibly know what it was like to see life around you but feel so cut off from it. She responded to the email by asking me to contact Pdoc about a med increase.
I never brought it up again.Interesting and thought provoking Draggers. Thanks for posting this.
Jillann