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It looks like you are going to 'tackle' it any way Draggers, which is the best thing to do, me thinks.
Draggers,
My T has directly promised me more than once that he wouldn't lie to me, so if I thought I caught him in one, I would bring it up.
Come to think of it, I did once. He had told me no once about something I asked for, saying he didn't work that way. I later found out another patient had what I asked for. I left and stewed about it for a week but at my next session, I brought it up and asked him what was going on?
His answer was truthful and less than satisfying. He told me he didn't really have a good answer for me, but he did recognize why I would be upset. At that point in our work, I was past needing or wanting that particular thing so it wasn't a huge deal but I did have to accept that my T is a human being and sometimes behaves inconsistently. Which doesn't say anything about me. Not really comfortable, but I have more than enough trouble trusting what he says and believing its real without adding in the worry that he's lying.
Which sucks sometimes because he says some pretty hard truths. But I NEED to know I can trust what he says because that's how I reality test and sort through my stuff.
It sounds like this is evoking a lot of (really good btw) questions so I think addressing it is a good idea. Scary, scary stuff but so important. I know for me because of the abuse and my family dynamics, things that can't be addressed eat away at me and the relationship.
My T has directly promised me more than once that he wouldn't lie to me, so if I thought I caught him in one, I would bring it up.
Come to think of it, I did once. He had told me no once about something I asked for, saying he didn't work that way. I later found out another patient had what I asked for. I left and stewed about it for a week but at my next session, I brought it up and asked him what was going on?
His answer was truthful and less than satisfying. He told me he didn't really have a good answer for me, but he did recognize why I would be upset. At that point in our work, I was past needing or wanting that particular thing so it wasn't a huge deal but I did have to accept that my T is a human being and sometimes behaves inconsistently. Which doesn't say anything about me. Not really comfortable, but I have more than enough trouble trusting what he says and believing its real without adding in the worry that he's lying.
Which sucks sometimes because he says some pretty hard truths. But I NEED to know I can trust what he says because that's how I reality test and sort through my stuff.
It sounds like this is evoking a lot of (really good btw) questions so I think addressing it is a good idea. Scary, scary stuff but so important. I know for me because of the abuse and my family dynamics, things that can't be addressed eat away at me and the relationship.
I'm pretty sure your T will be ready to discuss it now Draggers.
quote:I know for me because of the abuse and my family dynamics, things that can't be addressed eat away at me and the relationship.
Me too. But then it's so difficult, when you're raised in that environment, to break the code of silence.
Draggers, I think it's really important to address the issue right away (next session), but I admit that I would not be brave enough to do it! I'm sorry your T put you in this difficult position (((Draggers)))
RabbitEars
hmmm, your questions probably made me remember a few things I had buried deep. My T always tells me she will never lie to me, but I have found out a few things that are a bit "grey area" and I have just tucked them away for later.
She is on her best behaviour at the moment because she said to me a few months ago that she wasn't going on any long term holidays for a "long time" and then within a couple of months she emailed me and said she was going away for a month. That sent me into a psycho tailspin for 2 months and boy has she regretted the way she delivered that nugget of information. To me it was a lie, a betrayal, a rejection and a termination. So now whenever she says something I question her and I assume she is lying ALL the time or keeping information from me. She is now reassuring me constantly.
The Grey area issues that I have - I haven't tackled her on them - but if they were big enough or blatant enough - i would be ready with boxing gloves. After my usual weeks and months of stewing about it, going more crazy, withdrawing from her, hating her, not talking, getting angry etc etc - the usual cycle. THEN I would tackle her about it.
But I would say something.
Somedays
She is on her best behaviour at the moment because she said to me a few months ago that she wasn't going on any long term holidays for a "long time" and then within a couple of months she emailed me and said she was going away for a month. That sent me into a psycho tailspin for 2 months and boy has she regretted the way she delivered that nugget of information. To me it was a lie, a betrayal, a rejection and a termination. So now whenever she says something I question her and I assume she is lying ALL the time or keeping information from me. She is now reassuring me constantly.
The Grey area issues that I have - I haven't tackled her on them - but if they were big enough or blatant enough - i would be ready with boxing gloves. After my usual weeks and months of stewing about it, going more crazy, withdrawing from her, hating her, not talking, getting angry etc etc - the usual cycle. THEN I would tackle her about it.
But I would say something.
Somedays
good luck draggers, its a brave decision!
puppet
Hi Draggers, just popped in here today for a moment after a very long break and read this. I want to offer you heartfelt hugs. I will refrain from offering wisdom since I don't have much to give, but I hope you will find answers that give you peace. Whether those answers will come from your T or within yourself, I cannot say, but I do hate to see you tormented. So please be kind to yourself and try not to self-doubt.
((((dragglepuss)))) it will be okay - talk with her and sort these issues out - you know she cares for you greatly!!! as do you for her!!!