impending move... feeling scared

ghostgirlMember

I am just scared so I thought I would let it out here. I can't share my feelings with my husband or my concerns with my T because I feel foolish and for once I want to put my husbands needs and desires ahead of my own and just bite it back like a big girl, but I have a scared little child on the inside who needs some comfort. Five months ago my husband voiced that he wanted to relocate to a different part of the state that we live in to be closer to his mother as she is getting older and needs help maintaining her property. A part of me wants to go but another part of me is terrified and I know this is all normal when faced with such a huge change. I am however, very terrified about giving up all my supports that I have established over the years in my current area. I have a great team of docs and other professionals and supportive friendships where I live now and I am scared to let go of them to move to a place where I would be starting at ground zero with nothing. Moving alone is going to be hard enough, letting go off all my supports that I so desperately need is going to be harder and I am going be left to deal with the emotions of the move and the losses by myself. We aren't anticipating moving until Jan/Feb and everytime I feel scared or think about moving I shove the feelings and thoughts away and tell myself I have plenty of time to worry about it. My husband has sacrificed so much of himself for me due to my mental illness and for once I just want to do for him something that will make him happy. I don't want to be alone up there though (where we are moving). I fear it will be just me and him and MIL up there and I will have no support which I desperately need.

6/7/145:34 AM

❤️ 0

Original Post

Replies sorted oldest to newest

evaMember

Hi GG - have you shared the very valid concerns you have with your H? That you'd be very worried about losing the established supports you have is an extremely valid concern, NOT foolish in ANY way!!!

Presumably your H knows you struggle with some mental health issues and hence why you're going to therapy - why wouldn't he understand at least a little, that moving from those is a big concern for you????

I don't know enough about you or your history, but if you've had crisis / long history if depressions / PTSD (?), mental health issues / on meds / struggled for a long time, then I don't think he'd be too surprised if you were open and honest with him about your concerns.

6/7/1411:59 AM

❤️ 0

ghostgirlMember

Hi ElizaJ,

Part of my problem is not wanting hubby to know that I am experiencing distress and fear and apprehension about the move. He really wants to go and I want to make him happy for a change. My whole entire marriage has been centered around me and what is best for me as far as my mental illness and I just no longer want him to be chained by my mental illness too. I want to be able to do something for him that means something to him, and I want to be unselfish. I realize that I have an illness that I have to be responsible about. I know my points are valid. I have lived in my current area for over 25 years, I know what psyche hospitals are good in the area and where to go when I need hospitalization, I have a great history with my medical doctor who not only works with my physical problems but also addresses my mental health issues. I have tremendous support from past therapists and friends here who know and accept me. I don't share too much of my emotioanal struggles with H. I try to keep it all for the professionals and put on a happy face for H. I feel a need to protect him from my moods and my illness. I could be dying inside and he wouldn't know because I would not show it or express it. I want to have the strength to suck this up and just do what is right for my husband and forget about what I want. I love him and want to see him happy.

6/8/145:25 AM

❤️ 0

evaMember

If it was the other way around, wouldn't you want to know? Don't yu think if he later found out how much it was distressing you, and you didn't say anything, he will feel really really awful?

Saying how you feel doesn't then mean he 'has' to change the plan - but it might mean you can communicate with him, and he can be there to support you.

It doesn't have to be black or white - ie, you tell him how you feel and he isn't happy - but I do think it is a matter of sharing the problem with him and TOGETHER you can work it through.

Put it this way - if you keep it to yourself, struggle alone with it (by withholding your feelings from him) don't you think that would make it harder when you do move? Because you aren't being honest / up front with him - your husband - and therefore denying yourself the chance of him being able to provide any support for you? Don't you think it will then mean it's much more likely to go not so good once you move?

I'm sure he would rather you talk about it how, and let him enlo you work on finding good enough supports at the new place. Than bottle it up and have. Breakdown at the other end?

And yes, you definitely need to talk it through with your T - it's NOT foolish AT ALL, it's a very very real problem and your feelings are exactly what ANYONE would be feeling, mental health issues or not! Moving is right up there in the list of life's biggest stressors - it IS a big deal.

6/8/141:06 PM

❤️ 0

ghostgirlMember

Well the good news is that I talked to hubby this afternoon about my concerns and he has some of his own concerns as well. At least dialogue is open now.

6/8/143:29 PM

❤️ 0

evaMember

Awesome!!!