Oh, yes. I never thought of it as 'impressing' necessarily, but maybe I should re-think that I get so self-conscious about being stared at for an hour, that I *do* find myself putting a little extra care in my appearance when I know I have to see T. Normally, I am a woman of the roll outta bed--- brush teeth-- out the door variety. But on T days, I've even been known... *gasp* to wear makeup. Which is stupid, really, the crying just ends up making a mess of that... lol

I don't consider it impressing so much in my case but I DEFINITELY try to avoid feeling "in trouble" or "making my T mad" I feel like I continually disappoint and unimpressed my T They seem relatively impressed by me but I think they just give me positive feedback so I don't have a total freak out. My Ts have significantly lower standards on me than I do. I gave up impressing them on my hair/dress when I started wearing yoga clothes to therapy. The first month or so I met with my T I dressed nice, did my hair (I had nothing else to do because I was on leave from work) but now...they are lucky if I put on eyeshadow. I don't like being noticed or looked at physically so I guess my areas where I really take special care is in doing what they tell me to do. If they give me a skill, I'll do it, etc. I feel a lot of pressure to stop contacting them because then I'd feel like I was doing a good job (again, my standards... not theirs!!).

Effed, totally understand with the whole make up thing lol. I always joke with T why I even bother wearing make up, it just gets ruined and ends up smeared under my eyelids or on Ts blouse (I tend to cry on her a lot tee hee). With me, it's not being self conscious cos I'm being started at for an hour, it's more like wanting her to compliment me. Im still trying to figure out why I'm so bent up on that...hmmmm. *rubs chin*

Cat, I think there are certain days when I could care less about impressing T but I just can't help but need to feel like beautiful in front of her for whatever reason. Even if it's just not my day and I end up going to class in sweats or basketball shorts, I make sure I have on full make up and hair. I guess that's just some other underlying issue waiting to come up lol.

Ahah I do it too! I don't think I've ever repeated an outfit for my sessions yet (getting harder now lol). It's not just the clothes, I also try to look inteligent and say smart things in front of him (and let me tell you, sometimes I fail miserably on this one *blush*) because I'm dying for his praise and attention :P he HAS said I was intelligent and attractive I drooled a little bit there.

All the time!


That is why it is so hard to tell the truly yucky shameful stuff cos that is SOOOOOOO the opposite of impressing him.

But he is impressed by my courage? (she says hopefully and slightly wistfully)

I think it would be kind of pointless trying to impress my T with my appearance since she barely wears makeup herself and I've seen her wear the same pair of pants three sessions in a row. But I do other things like trying not to contact her much out of session, even though she never said I shouldn't, or trying to impress her with my self-awareness or something.

Just talked to T about this last Wednesday.

I said to her, "I feel you are very important to me somehow, and I don't want to disappoint you."

She said, without hesitation, "Did you ever feel that way with your mom?"

"Yes," I said softly.

She said, "Is there anything you have to tell me that will disappoint me?"

"The stuff I have told you recently."

Stupid maternal transference....and shame.

I once explained my haggard appearance to my T (in clothes I very hardly ever wore) as 'I haven't done laundry, hence the outfit' (which was out of my "normal" dress) and she sort did one of those breath laugh things. Actually I think about that a lot sometimes. Like I wonder was she thinking "you're dirty all the time I suspect you never do laundry" but knowing my T it was more like a 'why would i even care about that' sort of thing but I do think about it often

I want to say yes, and no. I would call it less trying to impress him and more trying to protect him, I guess?

I don't put on make-up or dress up. I only have about five outfits that work for this weather, so I tend to keep the ones I like better and cover me more for therapy days. Also, when weather was warm, I would change into more covered clothes for my sessions even if I had been wearing something else earlier in the day (just confessed this to T last night). Why? Especially since we incorporated touch, I feel like I need to protect him from being contaminated by me, so he can see and interact with as little of me as possible. I guess that could also be a me protecting myself thing.

I don't try to impress him in ways like, "Look at this awesome thing I can do," because him complimenting or praising me is so triggering. So, it usually takes me a while to confess when I'm trying something new (like singing at church, learning the guitar), but I've gotten better at that.

I DO try to impress him, I guess, by working hard at the stuff we're processing together. I really think through what we discuss and I work through the anxiety and am able to be open and honest and see how his responses are different than the past.

In general, I want to be liked and enjoyed, but for my real self, so I don't find myself making a huge amount of effort beyond the work itself. For example, regarding my appearance, I make no more effort with him than I would going to hang out with friends from church.

However, in terms of what I share with him, there is a HUGE amount of not wanting to disappoint my T. So, sometimes, it can be nearly impossible to share very shameful experiences, memories, feelings, thoughts, etc. I'm not sure if that's quite like wanting to impress him, but it comes from the same place, of wanting to be accepted.

Hmmmm....interesting question. I never try to impress T, but thinking about it I realize I do try to dress in black and wear a long, float sweater usually so I can "curl up" in it and hide. She's so pretty and skinny and she stares at me a lot and makes me feel "awkward".

Loved y'alls replies and different takes on this. It kind of sort of made me see maybe why I try so hard to impress my T when it comes to my looks. I crave her compliments and approval since I have some self esteem issues aside from my other problems and it feels nice to be able to hear her saying wonderful things about me when I never really got that. Her compliments are genuine and real and not like some stupid past relationship dude telling me like oh hey baby you're so sexy blah blah blah more bullcrap. Maybe it has to do with some maternal transference too but I don't know. I think my T is absolutely beautiful and I guess I fantasize of being beautiful like her, but I'm still not completely sure. Something new to discuss next session...

crave her approval all the time. sometimes i want to seduce her. i often still wonder how i feel toward her. how id feel if id never met her in the therapy situation and would i still like her the same way,erotically. im not sure. i do want to impress her with what i can do yet at the same time i am scared about what she will think about what i do so its a double edged sword. ive wanted to impress her with how i dress but id feel so ashamed and studpid because she is clever enough to know these even subtle changes.

but yes, i always want to impress her but she knows where my vulnerabilites lye so there's no getting away with intellectualizing thingstoo much because she often wants us to go back to that place where i try to avoid.